Thankful, Grateful

Day 29/30

And it’s almost time to end the April writing challenge. I have one more day to go but that’s fixed for my monthly recap so this is final write up. April is my most favorite month of the year as it’s my birth month. I started off 2021 with immense positivity and hope and promised to carry it throughout the year. This month really tested my patience and anxiety levels. I’m trying to fight it with whatever means I can. This month has been my least productive month of all. You might think of me as someone who obsesses over productivity and progress all the time. I don’t know why I’m wired this way, being productive gives a huge boost to my energy levels and instantly makes me happy.

I’ve written for 29 days in row and am really grateful for all the experiences, thoughts, emotions I had while writing my daily posts throughout this month. It has been a long month and I have spent most time of this month slacking. I’d still not bash myself for it. It’s been a tough month mentally and I’m taking my own sweet time to come to terms with it. I do want to get past this slump soon and get back on track. Because having a powerful routine and following it to the tee truly makes me happy. That’s the fact of my life and I need to embrace it.

Thankful for all my blogger friends who took time out to read and comment on my posts. It means a LOT. It encouraged me to post on days when I absolutely didn’t want to. You helped me keep going and now I have a month long blogging streak to my credit. This feels incredible.

One day left in April that I need to utilize well to prepare for a new month and all my goals attached to it. Let’s make the best of it.

Earned vacation

Almost everyone who knows me or the one’s who I have met recently are aware of the fact that I have an exam coming up in February (specifically February 21st, 2021). It’s Level 1 exam of the Chartered Financial Analyst program which was initially scheduled to take place in June 2020. The exam has been postponed twice already (from June to December 2020 and finally settling on February 2021). Ever since I have registered for this exam, my anxious mind tricks me into believing that I should be studying instead of doing anything leisurely -_-. After procrastinating on it for a dangerous amount of time, I finally got around to start study diligently as the exam date drew nearer. More than the exam, I’m excited about all the time I’ll have on hand after the exam ends which will be EARNED and totally GUILT FREE.

I’ve prepared a Netflix list of all the movies and shows I’ll drown myself in after the exams. I’ve made plans to meet my friends, go for a trip and every other thing that sounds remotely fun is automatically added to this list. This is what’s motivating me currently to study. I don’t know why I feel the need to earn my leisure time by working hard for it. Nothing can beat the bliss of stress free, guilt free, leisure time that we get post a stressful event, according to me.

Yesterday I got a mail from the CFA institute which essentially meant that there is a chance for the exam to be postponed, yet again! Instead of jumping with joy, my heart sank to the floor. I’m really looking forward to give the exam and start living a normal, “not having the stress of an impending exam loom over my mind 24*7” life! My mind is back to it’s anxious tricks and is forcing me to google “Is CFA Level 1 February 2021 exam postponed/cancelled?” every other minute knowing very well that the answer to this question can only be given by the CFA institute. The mail sent by CFA institute states that they will let us know the final decision by February 2nd. That’s almost 20 days away!

Since I have no other alternative anyways, I’m planning on continuing with my studies, possibly in a more serious and dedicated manner. I’m channeling all my energy to give my BEST EFFORT for this exam and pray that it takes place on 21st February. Heck, I’m even ready to make a manifestation circle for it, no matter how ridiculous it sounds!

Desperate times calls for desperate measures! 😀

Since I feel much better now after venting my anxious thoughts here, I’ll go back to studying and hope that the exam takes place as scheduled!

Is silence really golden?

“Never dull your shine for somebody else.” 

–Tyra Banks

We’ve heard of this phrase innumerable times during our childhood especially from our teachers. “Silence is golden“, it’s better to be silent than to say something that would harm others or have a negative impact on them. Agreed. Recently I came across a situation where this phrase doesn’t stand right at all.

I met someone few days back who left a very confusing impression on me. When you meet a new person, you either have a good impression or a bad impression. Here, I failed to figure out this person, even a tiny bit, after spending almost half an hour with them. I know half an hour is too short a time frame to understand someone. But the purpose of this meeting was to know each other better and the other person refused to come out of their shell.

What would you think of a person who has no likes or dislikes, no interests or passion, no hobbies whatsoever. We could conclude that they are comfortable with all aspects of their life, just the way it is. I’d be relieved if this is the actual situation. Till I met this person, I truly believed every human being has at least one thing that they truly care about, something that lights up their eyes or just simply makes them happy. This person had nothing! The flip side to this situation is a scenario I’m scared of. This person’s voice could have been suppressed from a young age, told specifically what’s good or bad for them, not allowed to make any mistakes, not allowed to choose the path of their liking, in short, people around him could have controlled all major decisions of their life to the extent that they never had the freedom to explore their identity!

My thoughts did run haywire here but that’s the impact of silence expressed by this one person in my life who I barely knew! I always try to clearly express my views than to leave someone confused or hanging. Don’t be scared to own your personality and be unwavered by people’s views about you. Fear of other people’s judgement kills more dreams than any external factor.

BE UNABASHEDLY YOU!

My fickle mind

#79/100

“The most powerful control we can ever attain, is to be in control of ourselves.” 

–Chris Page

My weekends are turning out to be the most unproductive days of my life at the moment. There are a 100 things I wish do during the weekend and I wish to do all those things at the same time. Yesterday I sat down to watch a YouTube video, it was a really engrossing video about the “neuroscience of love”. The video had a neurologist explaining what happens in the brain when a person is in love. 5 minutes into the video, my eyes fell on an unread book besides me and I somehow desperately wanted to start reading the book. I picked up the book, went through a page when my phone beeped, it was a comment on my instagram post. I ended up spending almost 30 minutes scrolling through random feeds on instagram right after that. I hope you get the idea by now, my mind is a like a kid in a candy store during the weekends. It wants to do everything at once.

This reminds me of my childhood. I’ve always been a day dreamer. My primary school teacher had the same complaint about me during the parent teacher’s meet, she mostly found me gazing at the sky outside the window in the middle of a lecture. I’ve consistently found it difficult to concentrate on one thing for a long time.

I still haven’t found a way out to deal with my hyperactive mind. It might be because I’m yet to work on myself to get past this limitation thrown by my mind. I guess it’s high time I take up the challenge to control my attention deficiency and use it fruitfully to get my work done!

I tried researching on the best ways to counteract lack of focus (I am not calling it Attention Deficit Disorder/ Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder yet because I haven’t been diagnosed by a certified psychologist but most of my symptoms point right at it). I’m planning to consistently try out these techniques for 90 days starting tomorrow (I’ve never been able to form a habit in 21 days) and post my experience about it after the end of this experiment (January 9th, 2021).

As per the internet, YouTube videos and TedX speeches by people diagnosed with ADD/ADHD, below listed techniques have helped them immensely to make ADD/ADHD their superpower :-

• Nutrition : Eat wholesome organic food and drink more water. Quitting food that drains our energy and makes us feel hazy. (Sugar, processed food, junk etc)
• Sweat everyday : Workout everyday, even if it’s just for 10 mins.
• 8 hrs of sleep everyday
• Morning routine : Meditation + Gratitude journaling + Workout
• 30 mins POMODORO : Break your to-do list into smaller tasks, set up a timer for 25 mins, work non-stop for 25 mins against the timer, take a 5 min break
• Music : Use music as a backdrop to avoid any background distraction while you work
• Block Time : Schedule time for each activity during the day. Set up a to-do list for the next day and review it by the end of the day.

Hope to see a positive change in my life (possibly a transformation) by the end of my experiment.

Twist of fate

When it comes to life, we spin our own yarn, and where we end up is really, in fact, where we always intended to be.

–Julia Glass

#24/100

A guy hears gun shots. He runs for cover in the woods, trying to save his life from the robbers who caught him sneaking on them. He can hear his heart thumping and breath getting heavier but he needs to continue running to stay alive. After running for a while he reaches a dead end, the robbers vivid footsteps can be heard clearly now as they draw closer. Realizing that the end is near, he slowly turns around to face the robbers. He closes his eyes to 3 robbers with pistols in their hands waiting to shoot him. He hears a “bang”, a gunshot has been fired. Does it take this long for the gunshot to hit me? He opens his eyes to see the robbers on the ground writhing in pain. The police arrives just in the nick of time to save him.

Haven’t we come across such thrilling scenes in movies numerous times? We are in total suspense till the end of the scene with the hope that the good human is rescued or saved after all. And in most of the cases, that’s exactly what happens. When I saw Ned Stark’s head being ripped off in Game of Thrones, I couldn’t believe my eyes. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be! The good guy should always survive. That was the first time I saw a realistic portrayal of life. After watching numerous movies and shows where the a bad situation somehow gets solved at the right time, my mind seeks a way out in my real life scenarios as well. We always wait for every complexity to magically disappear from our life at the right time.

I cannot say that I haven’t come across certain miraculous situations in my life. We have the tendency to keep waiting for everything to be perfect to finally celebrate our life. But that doesn’t have to be the case, always. Life is too unpredictable to wait for the right time for us to start enjoying it. No matter how our past and future is, we can definitely find one thing each day to be thankful for. As we start focusing on finding things that make us happy than stressing about things that don’t, a lot of our obstacles in life magically find a way out. I’ve always believed in magic as a kid. I still believe in it, deep within. We all have magic within us. The magic to change the way we look at life. I truly want to believe that I am and can be happy despite the manner in which my life unfolds in the future. The choice is always with us. Let’s pick the one that makes us happy. 🙂

Thank You!

Thank you, undoubtedly the most underrated phrase on this planet. No, I’m not talking about being thankful towards other people in your life (that’s a separate matter of discussion anyways!), but being thankful towards your own life!

So we get up every morning, travel to work, crib about the insane traffic on the streets or crowd in the public transport, crib about being at work, cry about the extra work hours, go back home, while away our time on the internet and sleep. This accounts for 60/70% of an average human’s life. While studying they can’t wait to work, while working they can’t wait to relax, while on vacation they dread the end of vacation and during retirement, they don’t know how they’ve spent their life.

We as humans have the tendency to take everything in our life for granted. Be it the food that we eat, the house we live in, the clothes we wear, the people we interact with, or a thing as simple as the air that we breathe. We keep waiting for something amazing to take place in our life, to earn more money, a better job, a better house, basically we keep sending happiness on a chase for a “better” something. Why do we end up making happiness a journey always? Since we’ve sent “our” happiness on a chase, we struggle to keep up with the journey and get depressed, anxious, sad and upset when the path seems too long. What we don’t realize is that we can convert this journey into an interesting ride and enjoy every millisecond of it!

When I was a kid, all I wanted to do was to grow up and earn money so that our family could have a better life. As an adult who has achieved most of her childhood dreams, I still feel that my life is unfulfilled because I’ve replaced my childhood goals with a new set of goals and sent my happiness on a chase again. Getting my house renovated has always been one of my biggest and most prominent dream as a child. As I’m typing this, my house is being renovated and instead of feeling accomplished, I’m still waiting for a miracle to dramatically transform my life! Do I need to find any newer or better ways to complicate my happiness, hell no!

I’m glad I’ve had this realisation finally! Happiness, in fact, is a very simple process.

• Live in the present moment:- The best way to do this is inculcating the practice of journaling your daily life. Treat every day as the D-day rather than as a  run-up to the main event. After all, each day is precious, you’d never know if you’d live to see another day. So stop stalling all the pending items on your bucket list, treat life as a grand celebration and thoroughly enjoy each day of your life. And journaling it will help you reminisce.
• Practice gratitude:- This is most important. If we keep finding things to crib about, we’ll keep sending our happiness on a life long chase. Recollecting and writing down things you are grateful about will help instill a sense of achievement, fulfillment and most importantly happiness in you. Instead of cribbing about everything in life, we can just be grateful for the small little things that build the grandeur of our life.
• Be the “best” you:- Since it’s very evident from the first point that we need to pull ourselves out from the regretful past and uncertain future, we shouldn’t delay our goals, wait for a certain something to take place or a future period to achieve whatever we have set our heart to do. The best time is always “NOW“. So strive to be the best version of you every day, make each day count and crush all your goals in the present. Bring a full stop to your never-ending “waiting period”.

Sounds simple ain’t it? Wonder if it actually works? Well, no other way to find out than actually putting it to action! Let’s not complicate happiness anymore!

 

L.O.N.E.R.

I’ve always been a shy, introverted kid. I never really wanted to have a big group of bff’s to share my life with. I’ve always loved my own personal space. Being on my own, with my thoughts used to be my favourite passtime. I could never really grow out of it.

However, as years passed by, I’ve turned into this person who needs soemeone around. I constantly check my messages to find something interesting. I keep flipping my phone to come accross something that can kill my boredom. I watch movies and series as much as I can. I try to spend time with my younger sister as much as possible. But, if there is any change in this routine (like yesterday when my sister was busy with something and needed the laptop), I almost died of inactivity.

Of late I’ve been feeling a lack of enthusiasm, lack of purpose in my life. I really have no clue why I have this feeling. But, it’s something I cannot hide away from.

Ironically, I hate getting up in the mornings, being a morning person! I thought deeply about this today and realised I do not seem to look forward to the mornings anymore. In fact, there is nothing to be excited about anyday as a matter of fact. I do not have any long term or short term goals. My future seems hazy! And no, I’m not sad or depressed!

I just lack focus! I’m unenthusiatic and unmotivated! I’ve recently joined a workplace where everyone seems super energetic and motivated and it has had an adverse effect on me. Instead of being inspired by them, I’ve started questioning my own life’s decisions!

While in school, I had my studies to look forward to, I wanted to top the class.

Come college, I wanted to do well in my 12th boards!

Degree college bought with it my identity, Charetered Accountancy course which I wanted to excel in!

Now, everything is done and dusted! I am a C.A., have a stable job, my regular set of friends who are quiet busy with their lives! There is nothing exciting about my life anymore!

I want to feel alive again! But I’m completely clueless about how to go about it.

There is one thing I’ve been delaying for a very long time. I’ll wake up early and go on a run tomorrow onwards! Let’s see how that turns out!

I really want to fall in love with my life! I’ll try to make an honest effort to achieve just that!

Wish me luck!

Getting out of my comfort zone

It was my first day at my new job today. This place is everything I wanted my dream job to be like. Extremely knowledgeable people, great office environment, fixed timings, great brand, yet, I feel weird.

There is this intense feeling of discomfort that is plaguing my mind. I just can’t come to terms with the fact that opportunities lie outside the comfort zone. In my previous organisation, I knew everything and everyone, everything and everyone knew me. I didn’t like the people there nor the office timings, yet, I want to go back and hide myself there.

What is wrong? Why do I feel so uncomfortable at a place that feels so right! Well, that’s the cost to pay when you venture out of your comfort zone. The comfort zone is a place which protects you from any kind of fear. New places brings with it unknown situations, uncomfortable meetings, it tests your knowledge and your ability to deal with new surroundings. All this ain’t pretty. Especially, for an introvert like me. Introverts like to conserve as much energy as possible. They lose energy and hope as soon as they have to encounter a new situation.

It’s time to be more positive and embrace my reality. Living my life one day at a time might help. I either live in the past or find myself dreaming about the future. Present is never an option for me.

Embracing every moment of the present situation will help me recuperate and that’s what I am going to do. It was my decision to move out of the situation I was in and upgrade my life. Now, I need to be more mature and responsible about my decisions. Happiness is a continuous process. You cannot wait for it to find it’s way to you. Happiness sometimes requires effort. Your mind needs to free and clutter free in order to create a nurturing house for it to stay in for a long time.

While I go back to my reality, I urge you all to give the uncomfortable situation you are currently facing, another chance. Just remember, this feeling too shall pass. It is just an illusion created by your mind to protect you from prospective fearful situations. And believe me, you are stronger than that! So, fight the FEAR.!

Know when to let go..!!

I am a person who dwells on the past. It is not a bad thing to revisit your memories, however it becomes a problem when your past affects the present. There are a million thoughts that race through your mind throughout the day. My thoughts range from regrets about the past to imagining situations about how I would have reacted in the same situation differently. One of my favourite hobbies is also thinking about a parallel universe where each one of my impossible thoughts come true. These kind of thoughts generate negativity about the present and also the future. You would find me staring at blank walls most of the time immersed in my own thoughts.

I’ve also seen people dragging a dead relationship. We meet a lot of people in our life, some we connect with mutually, some we don’t. The third and most painful situation is when one person wants to connect with someone who is least bothered. People who overthink tend to convince themselves to keep on trying. The phrase “If at once we don’t succeed, try, try and try again!” is drilled in our minds throughout school. We keep on trying and lose our dignity and self respect in the process.

It is very important to know when to stop.

When your thoughts over power your present as well as cast a shadow on your future, you need to stop.

Everyone has a lot of dreams and goals in our life. The situations I mentioned above create pitfalls in your journey to achieve these goals. We admire people who are extremely focussed in their life and keep on climbing the ladder of success. What we forget is the fact that each one of us possess infinite amount of ability to reach the pinnacle of success. People who end up succeeding in life are ones who have mastered the art of using thoughts to their advantage. There will be situations in life that side track you from your goals. In such scenarios, you need to keep your inner belief system strong. Always remember the below 3 points before making any irrational decision :-

• Be the master of your life, not the victim – “Live life as per your terms”
• Keep your dignity and self esteem in check – “Someone else cannot define you”
• You can achieve everything you set your mind to – “Nothing is impossible”

Be the person you wish to be “NOW”, there is never a better time. Always stay in the present and witness wonderful events unfold in your life.

If you are caught up in the web of self pity and despise, please go through the above 3 points again. The points though basic, can have a huge impact on you if you choose to believe in it.

All the best!!

Thoughts to action!

How many times has it happened that you’ve been sitting on an idea or thought for a long time and never managed to accomplish it? Countless? Innumerous? I’ve done the same thing too. I’ve always had a huge “things to do” list on my mind which I’ve never managed to strike off within the estimated timeline. So, what goes wrong?

Well, there are two types of people in this world, namely :

• Thinkers : As the name suggests, the thinkers are part of “day-dreaming” universe. They plan elaborate stuff with vivid details. All their thoughts are incredibly exhaustive with a timeline attached to it. Thinkers love to plan and spend a lot of time in designing the nitty gritty. However, they miss out the most important aspect of their plans – “Action”. Thinkers get so exhausted with planning the details that they are left with no motivation to convert their plans into action. Thinkers always find a lot of road blocks in their journey which stalls their progress.
• Doers : These are the kind of people who have a string of accomplishments attached to their name. They always manage to kill procrastination and get a lot of stuff done within the same 24 hrs day. Doers come across as extremely focused and passionate individuals who can go to any lengths to achieve their goals. It feels like they have their entire life sorted. Doers manage to find quick solutions to any obstacles that may cross the path to their goals.

So what is it that special quality possessed by Doers that helps them get an edge over Thinkers? Why do Thinkers lag far behind Doers in accomplishing their dreams?

It’s the magic element called “Action”
Both Thinkers and Doers are equally capable of completing the same task at hand, however Doers repeatedly emphasise on “actioning” their thoughts which provides them the edge in this race. Thinkers place the bets on their incredible planning skills and derive the same gratification level as if they have accomplished the task. Doers earn their sense of gratification after completing the task at hand.

I’m part of the “Thinkers” club slowly crawling my way to “Doers” universe by using a simple technique which helps me focus on the present task. Usually, I have a thought and within few seconds my brain starts churning up negative situations that deviate me from my initial thought and creates a roadblock. The longer I take to listen to my initial thought, higher is the number of obstacles I face in conquering it. Thus, I end up spending more time in the comfort zone which is the land of no return.

So the technique I use here is to follow the first thought I have. For example; you want to get up at 6 am in the morning, your alarm clock rings at 6 am – first thought “wake up”, within seconds your brain starts throwing overpowering notions such as “sleep for 5 more minutes”, “you slept late last night”, “you can wake up early tomorrow”. Thus, you end up following the massive outburst of negative thoughts and hit the snooze button. TASK UNACCOMPLISHED.

You need to follow the first thought i.e. “wake up” in the above scenario and act on it before your brains throws the negative influx of thoughts at you.

Try engraining this little change in your day to day tasks and notice the difference. This will help you to keep on increasing the number of accomplished tasks in your to-do list.

Welcome to the “Doers” club!