My younger self

“Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life.  Tiptoe of if you must, but take the step.”

-Unknown

I was quiet an insecure child growing up. I more or less disliked every aspect of my personality. At times I was laid back and always procrastinated till the last minute for any school activity. I was overweight and made fun of by my cousins who I cared about the most. We didn’t have much money in the family and grew up in a dingy little house which I was ashamed about. I wanted to be an organized person but kept failing at keeping up with the elaborate study schedule that I prepared with much gusto, every DAMN time. I was a shy and introverted girl and was scared to speak even in a group of close friends. I had social anxiety and dreaded any situation where there was even a remotely possible chance of having people’s attention on me. I was ALWAYS late to any place, be it school or classes or meet up with my friends.

As a child, I desperately wanted to change these aspects of me that I as embarrassed about. I wanted to quickly grow up and change myself for the better. I felt growing up and earning money will be the solution to all my problems. I grew up, earned money and became more conscious of myself than I ever was before. Happiness still eluded me. I found a new found trouble in the form of “work stress” and was anxious 24*7. I was still scared to speak in a group, lived in a house that I was ashamed of and was overweight. I kept longing to become the person my younger self would be proud of and change my life for the better. But that day never came and I stopped hoping for it.

A few days back, I found my old diaries inside my book shelf. As I started to read my old diary entries, I couldn’t help but feel bittersweet about my emotions when I wrote them. It reeked of desperation. And a realization dawned upon me that I HAVE BECOME THE PERSON I desperately wanted to become as a child. My life has had a 180 degree change in the last 3 years ever since I’ve joined this workplace which I crib about all the time. I am no longer overweight, my house is renovated and I’m proud of it, my social anxiety is under control, I AM ORGANISED about most things in life and I try to diligently work towards my goals in life. Yet, I was unhappy. I couldn’t believe that I was unhappy even after achieving ALL of my childhood goals. I AM THE PERSON MY YOUNGER SELF WANTED TO BE ALL MY LIFE. This realization has been path breaking for me.

I have decided to live in the present moment as much as I can, celebrate the little wins and document each day of my life. Life has treated me fairly well and I shouldn’t have any reasons to complain about. Yet, I crib and cry over the little things that would have been insignificant and completely manageable to my younger self. My present life seems like a fairy tale when I look through the eyes of my younger self. I’ll try my level best to make most of everything in my life going ahead and live it in the best possible manner. Each day is a blessing and I wish to celebrate my life. While my present self is giving me a disapproving look, my younger self is jumping with joy with this idea. I plan to listen to my younger self this time!

An achiever

#73/100

“Success in life is not for those who run fast, but for those who keep running and always on the move.”

Bangambiki Habyarimana

I was watching a clip of Priyanka Chopra Jonas’s new book launch promo today and she said something that instantly struck a chord with me. She wants to be a person who sets goals and achieves them. The second part of this sentence is what differentiates it from any other motivational pep talk. We are always taught to chase dreams, our goals and made to feel bad if we don’t achieve them. But we are never pushed to finish what we start. Having goals is great, but it makes no difference to your life if you don’t put consistent efforts on it. Like anything in life, there will be failures and setbacks. That’s when 99% of the crowd backs out. The 1% who continue, end up realizing their goals or learn enough skills to chase a different one.

Instead of being a person who sets big goals, I want to be a person who lives up to my word, no matter what. I have envisioned a dream life for myself, yet I delay working on it every single day. Rest is great, watching movies and shows are blissful, but they’ll seem much more sweeter and victorious if earned as a reward on achieving your goals.

Instead of a ‘doer’ mindset, I have adopted an ‘achiever’ mindset in life now. The difference between the two is the consistency of efforts for any task or goal in life. A doer always has ample time to complete their work, probably till the end of their life. An achiever, well, they are focused on achieving their targets in minimal time. After all, their main goal is to complete what’s started.

Let’s push ourselves harder and break the self imposed restrictions set by our mind. As we all know, we are much stronger than we think!

The one where I hit a 100!!!

#43/100

This is an appreciation post! I’m absolutely over the moon since I hit a 100 followers on my blog. I’m filled with gratitude towards every single person who has followed me, liked my posts and taken precious time out from their life to comment on my posts. Your support means everything to me.

I created this blog in 2016 when I was going through a difficult phase in my life, however I hardly posted 10 times in the last 4 years. Writing was a way to let out my emotions and get clarity on my thoughts. I have always enjoyed reading blogs and they never fail to give me a sense of direction when I feel lost in life. I’ve come across so many amazing blog posts that were totally relatable to the situation I was going through and reading their experiences gave me strength and support. I always harbored a dream to write well and connect with people with my writing. I’m a juvenile in this field and have a long way to go. Yet every single milestone is extremely special to me as I feel like I’m on the right path.

This year, due to the current situation that we are in, I had a lot of time on my hand. This was the right time for me to improve my writing skills and learn a little more about myself in the process. This milestone is a great motivation for me to continue my efforts and work better.

A big thanks to everyone once again!

Broken dreams

#30/100

Since I’m too tired to even think today, my today’s post is my first and only attempt at poetry. This poem was written by me about 4 years back after having my heart crushed into a million pieces (I can be dramatic too!). I can laugh about it now but those were some trying times. I must have written this poem with tears in my eyes. Writing this poem did help ease the pain a little bit. I’ve never got around to write another poem after this one.

Her mind goes into overdrive,

To control the heart that wanders astray,

The world that she has in her dreams is too beautiful to leave,

Back to reality, every thought, word and silence is painful,

A moment of happiness turns into lifetime of grief,

She wonders what she could have done better,

To earn this unattainable dream.

Her dreams are too sweet to let go, but mind rigid,

Can she only have this wish? Her heart pleaded,

Time to shake herself awake from this difficult illusion,

There are much better things to look forward to, screamed her mind,

By leaving the best? asked her heart.

There’s always a way out

“When someone points a gun at your face, “you take the gun, or you pull out a bigger one. Or, you call their bluff. Or, you do any one of a hundred and forty six other things.”

-Harvey Specter

#27/100

I watched the show “Suits” recently and was hooked till the last season. When Harvey Specter, one of the main characters in the show, suavely uses the above dialogue, the only thought I had in mind was, “Yeah, good for you, you are a fictional character, your writer will always have a way out for you!” I firmly believed that it’s diametrically different in reality. If you have a gun pointed to your head in real life, YOU DIE!

However, after experiencing a bit of life, I have come to realize that this might not be the case always. There have been many instances in my life where I felt like I had my back against the wall. However, with time, not only was I able to get out of the situation, it didn’t really seem as hazardous as I imagined it to be. Over time I was able to completely erase these kind of perilous situations from my memories that once gave me anxiety and panic attacks.

The basic instinct of every human being is to survive, non-existence is our biggest fear. Whenever we face a situation that is beyond our control, our brain immediately sends out fear signals to avoid it completely. But if we get past the initial inertia, we can come out with some way out for every situation. I’m not talking about a situation where you have a gun pointed to your head, I wouldn’t know what to do either. I am talking about the smaller, more relatable situations.

Like, you have been given a project to complete at work and haven’t been finding time to pursue your other interests. Eventually you give up on the hobbies that truly gave you happiness and push yourself to the brink of constant sadness. As you can see, the initial few days of handling any kind of change in your life is overwhelming, post that once you are used to a routine, you can always squeeze time out for your interests.

If you love sports, you can find time for it during your off days if not every day, if you wanted to hit the gym each day, you can resort to home exercises, if you want to learn a new skill, you can download an app or find a buddy with similar interest, you can always find an easier way to fulfil your interests. It’s very easy to blame your external situations for all your inadequacies, but if you look closely, you have the solution to all your problems deep within your mind. You just have to pay attention.

Initially, when I was asked to travel to office which involved a commute of 8 hrs per day, I was very upset to skip my workouts for those days. I really enjoy working out, it keeps me sane and gives me an endorphin rush that can’t be put to words. Today, after giving up on my workouts for several office-commute days, I managed to squeeze in a 10 min skipping session in the morning. It was a small session but made me feel more productive than my usual long routines. It’s because I did something that I believed was practically impossible. The adrenaline rush after completing such tasks is inexpressible.

Do you have any such thing in mind which you have been missing out on? Try making time for it tomorrow and realize the true potential of the human mind.

Thank You!

Thank you, undoubtedly the most underrated phrase on this planet. No, I’m not talking about being thankful towards other people in your life (that’s a separate matter of discussion anyways!), but being thankful towards your own life!

So we get up every morning, travel to work, crib about the insane traffic on the streets or crowd in the public transport, crib about being at work, cry about the extra work hours, go back home, while away our time on the internet and sleep. This accounts for 60/70% of an average human’s life. While studying they can’t wait to work, while working they can’t wait to relax, while on vacation they dread the end of vacation and during retirement, they don’t know how they’ve spent their life.

We as humans have the tendency to take everything in our life for granted. Be it the food that we eat, the house we live in, the clothes we wear, the people we interact with, or a thing as simple as the air that we breathe. We keep waiting for something amazing to take place in our life, to earn more money, a better job, a better house, basically we keep sending happiness on a chase for a “better” something. Why do we end up making happiness a journey always? Since we’ve sent “our” happiness on a chase, we struggle to keep up with the journey and get depressed, anxious, sad and upset when the path seems too long. What we don’t realize is that we can convert this journey into an interesting ride and enjoy every millisecond of it!

When I was a kid, all I wanted to do was to grow up and earn money so that our family could have a better life. As an adult who has achieved most of her childhood dreams, I still feel that my life is unfulfilled because I’ve replaced my childhood goals with a new set of goals and sent my happiness on a chase again. Getting my house renovated has always been one of my biggest and most prominent dream as a child. As I’m typing this, my house is being renovated and instead of feeling accomplished, I’m still waiting for a miracle to dramatically transform my life! Do I need to find any newer or better ways to complicate my happiness, hell no!

I’m glad I’ve had this realisation finally! Happiness, in fact, is a very simple process.

  • Live in the present moment:- The best way to do this is inculcating the practice of journaling your daily life. Treat every day as the D-day rather than as a  run-up to the main event. After all, each day is precious, you’d never know if you’d live to see another day. So stop stalling all the pending items on your bucket list, treat life as a grand celebration and thoroughly enjoy each day of your life. And journaling it will help you reminisce.
  • Practice gratitude:- This is most important. If we keep finding things to crib about, we’ll keep sending our happiness on a life long chase. Recollecting and writing down things you are grateful about will help instill a sense of achievement, fulfillment and most importantly happiness in you. Instead of cribbing about everything in life, we can just be grateful for the small little things that build the grandeur of our life.
  • Be the “best” you:- Since it’s very evident from the first point that we need to pull ourselves out from the regretful past and uncertain future, we shouldn’t delay our goals, wait for a certain something to take place or a future period to achieve whatever we have set our heart to do. The best time is always “NOW“. So strive to be the best version of you every day, make each day count and crush all your goals in the present. Bring a full stop to your never-ending “waiting period”.

Sounds simple ain’t it? Wonder if it actually works? Well, no other way to find out than actually putting it to action! Let’s not complicate happiness anymore!

 

L.O.N.E.R.

I’ve always been a shy, introverted kid. I never really wanted to have a big group of bff’s to share my life with. I’ve always loved my own personal space. Being on my own, with my thoughts used to be my favourite passtime. I could never really grow out of it.

However, as years passed by, I’ve turned into this person who needs soemeone around. I constantly check my messages to find something interesting. I keep flipping my phone to come accross something that can kill my boredom. I watch movies and series as much as I can. I try to spend time with my younger sister as much as possible. But, if there is any change in this routine (like yesterday when my sister was busy with something and needed the laptop), I almost died of inactivity.

Of late I’ve been feeling a lack of enthusiasm, lack of purpose in my life. I really have no clue why I have this feeling. But, it’s something I cannot hide away from.

Ironically, I hate getting up in the mornings, being a morning person! I thought deeply about this today and realised I do not seem to look forward to the mornings anymore. In fact, there is nothing to be excited about anyday as a matter of fact. I do not have any long term or short term goals. My future seems hazy! And no, I’m not sad or depressed!

I just lack focus! I’m unenthusiatic and unmotivated! I’ve recently joined a workplace where everyone seems super energetic and motivated and it has had an adverse effect on me. Instead of being inspired by them, I’ve started questioning my own life’s decisions!

While in school, I had my studies to look forward to, I wanted to top the class.

Come college, I wanted to do well in my 12th boards!

Degree college bought with it my identity, Charetered Accountancy course which I wanted to excel in!

Now, everything is done and dusted! I am a C.A., have a stable job, my regular set of friends who are quiet busy with their lives! There is nothing exciting about my life anymore!

I want to feel alive again! But I’m completely clueless about how to go about it.

There is one thing I’ve been delaying for a very long time. I’ll wake up early and go on a run tomorrow onwards! Let’s see how that turns out!

I really want to fall in love with my life! I’ll try to make an honest effort to achieve just that!

Wish me luck!

Know when to let go..!!

I am a person who dwells on the past. It is not a bad thing to revisit your memories, however it becomes a problem when your past affects the present. There are a million thoughts that race through your mind throughout the day. My thoughts range from regrets about the past to imagining situations about how I would have reacted in the same situation differently. One of my favourite hobbies is also thinking about a parallel universe where each one of my impossible thoughts come true. These kind of thoughts generate negativity about the present and also the future. You would find me staring at blank walls most of the time immersed in my own thoughts.

I’ve also seen people dragging a dead relationship. We meet a lot of people in our life, some we connect with mutually, some we don’t. The third and most painful situation is when one person wants to connect with someone who is least bothered. People who overthink tend to convince themselves to keep on trying. The phrase “If at once we don’t succeed, try, try and try again!” is drilled in our minds throughout school. We keep on trying and lose our dignity and self respect in the process.

It is very important to know when to stop.

When your thoughts over power your present as well as cast a shadow on your future, you need to stop.

Everyone has a lot of dreams and goals in our life. The situations I mentioned above create pitfalls in your journey to achieve these goals. We admire people who are extremely focussed in their life and keep on climbing the ladder of success. What we forget is the fact that each one of us possess infinite amount of ability to reach the pinnacle of success. People who end up succeeding in life are ones who have mastered the art of using thoughts to their advantage. There will be situations in life that side track you from your goals. In such scenarios, you need to keep your inner belief system strong. Always remember the below 3 points before making any irrational decision :-

  • Be the master of your life, not the victim – “Live life as per your terms”
  • Keep your dignity and self esteem in check – “Someone else cannot define you”
  • You can achieve everything you set your mind to – “Nothing is impossible”

Be the person you wish to be “NOW”, there is never a better time. Always stay in the present and witness wonderful events unfold in your life.

If you are caught up in the web of self pity and despise, please go through the above 3 points again. The points though basic, can have a huge impact on you if you choose to believe in it.

All the best!!

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When the going gets tough…

Have you ever felt extreme hatred, negativity, dislike, distraught for a situation you are stuck in and can go to any lengths to get yourself out of it? Every single day you try your level best to stay positive and hope against hope to cling to that one good thought which brings you happiness and glimmer for the future. You turn on social media and are bombarded with your friend’s/colleague’s/acquaintance’s success stories, milestones and life changing events. You are happy for them as it strengthens your belief in dreams coming true although you cannot help but question the Universe; “When is my turn?”

I’ve read a lot of posts which says “Life is not in the past or future, it’s NOW!” If you feel unhappy in a situation it’s a massive sign yelling at you to get out of that condition A.S.A.P. However, the timeframe between realising that you are in an unwanted situation and getting out of it cannot be fixed to suit your needs. When you are in that limbo, you have to deal with a lot of stress, discomfort and our best enemy “Negativity!” You cannot just snap out of that limbo, it takes every last bit of your strength to deal with it. Yes, the end will be beautiful and worth all the pain you sustained, however, to reach there you need to stay put and have firm belief in your dreams and most importantly ‘yourself’!

Every single day begins with a positive thought to float through your entire life and then “life happens!”. The day throws innumerable problems, painful situations, puzzles, issues and what not! One by one you try to solve every thing that comes your way with the single most important belief in your mind, “It’s not going to last forever!”. You wish to go back to the days when you were carefree and didn’t know the meaning of “responsibility!”. Why is every situation dealt in a burdensome manner? Why has it become so difficult to stay happy? Why is happiness a thing you chase rather than a destination? What is it that I can do to get out of this limbo soon?

As I don’t know the timeframe of my limbo, I try to find various ways to help me deal with it and stay positive throughout. I’ve been reading Dr. Susan Jeffers “Feel the fear and do it anyway” which by far has been most effective in helping me stay afloat. The best takeaway from this book has been the simple affirmation “I’ll handle it”. Think about it! You always feel anxious, unhappy, upset, dejected when you believe that you are in a situation which you are unable to handle. It’s the fear of non-performance that scares you and not the outcome. If you trick yourself into believing that you CAN handle everything that comes your way, you get instantly energised and can see a way ahead even if it’s foggy. It’s all about perspective and not the problem that you are dealing with. Another great read has been “Who moved my cheese?” by Spencer Johnson. This one is a light read with great message. A question in this book made me question my entire decision making process, “What would you do if you weren’t afraid?” Isn’t it a question to dwell on?

As of now, I’ll continue to fight hard, against all the brick backs that life throws at me! I know it’s difficult to sustain but the end is very beautiful and I can feel it. Whatever the situation is, I’ll handle it! I’m eternally grateful to all the positivity out there that strengthens my dreams. Waiting to cross this bridge and jump into the limbo-free zone soon.!

“When the going get’s tough, the tough get going….!!!

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Ciao!

My Super List

“Research says that people who write their goals down are 42% more likely to achieve them.”

I first stumbled upon the idea of creating my “Super List” after visiting the blog of Josef Wigren. He has posted an incredible list of things he wishes to accomplish in his life and it motivated me to create my own. I call it the “Super List” as I’m obsessed with the word “Super” and want my life to be defined by this word.

I first created this list on August 28th 2016. This list is not finite and will definitely change over the course of my life.

Wish me luck. I’ll update this list as soon as I accomplish each goal and also share the details associated with it.!

Life goals

  • Be extremely fit : Perfect and strong body
  • Be extremely fearless : Never be scared of challenges
  • Be extremely secure : External forces shouldn’t affect me

Health goals

  • Become vegan
  • Lose 5 Kgs (Goal weight : 58 Kgs)
  • Get visible abs and muscle definition
  • Run a 10K marathon
16th December 2018 | Pinkathon | My first 10 km run
  • Run a 21K half marathon
22nd December 2019 | Kisna Diamond Marathon | My first 21 km run
  • Run a full marathon : 42K
  • Exercise for 30-45 minutes in a day
Have been regular with my HIIT / body weight workouts since September 2018, highest single day session time of 1 hr
  • Run for 45 minutes in a day
Maximum long running distance of 26 kms covered with an approximate timing of 3.20 hrs on 26th January 2020
  • Perfect my push ups : 10/15/20/25 at a time
  • Pull ups : 3/5
  • Hold a plank for 5 minutes
  • Complete a 10 km run under 55 mins
  • Complete a 21 km run under 2 hrs

Knowledge goals

  • Learn to read, write and speak Korean
  • Know about :
    Indian constitution
    World history
  • Read 50 books in a year
  • Clear CFA, all 3 levels in first attempt
  • Complete 10 online courses in a year

Travel goals

Visit :

  • South Korea*Dream place*
  • Japan
  • Canada
  • USA
  • London
  • Thailand
  • Dubai
  • Mauritius
  • Australia
  • China
  • Egypt
  • Rome
  • Germany
  • Greece
  • Hong Kong
  • Italy
  • New Zealand
  • Malta
  • Turkey
  • Greenland
  • Kolkata
First trip to Kolkata (28th October to 1st November 2017)

Community contributions

  • Clean India : Contribute towards India’s cleanliness
  • Create an animal shelter in India
  • Never leave an animal in distress

Career goals

  • Get a job that I love
  • Give a TED talk on”Confidence
  • Feature on Forbes magazine
  • Motivate and inspire people
  • Have a mentor who would truly help me achieve my professional goals

Adrenaline pumping goals

  • Sky Diving
  • Bungee Jumping
  • Ride a plane
  • Scuba diving
  • Surfing
  • Whitewater kayaking
  • Rock climbing
  • Paragliding
  • Ice-skating

People to meet

  • BTS
  • Shah Rukh Khan
  • Anushka Sharma

Life experiences

  • Attend a BTS live stadium concert
  • See a shooting star
  • See the northern lights
  • Hug a panda
  • Lie on a beach and look at the stars
  • Get a national accolade
  • Get a PR package
  • Be a speaker on a podcast
  • Own a huge library at my home
  • Visit The Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Florida
  • Visit Disneyland