Making healthier choices

“We were meant to grow. When we don’t grow, we seek diversions–some harmless (if unproductive), others destructive–to fill the emptiness.”

Jim Clemmer

Day 15/30

I truly believe we always have two choices while taking any decision in our life, a right one and an easier one. The easier one gives immediate reward which is short term, the right one requires hard work but gives fulfilment and the reward is long term. Which option do you choose in most of your decisions in life?

Well, I have mostly picked up the easier option. Well, who doesn’t like an instant reward? That’s what we all crave right? But true happiness and fulfilment lies in making the harder choice.

Choose your hard! We always pick one that gives instant gratification. However, picking the difficult one makes sure that the reward is worthwhile and long lasting. Choose your hard!

Glow up

“Transform your world by transforming your internal state. Start by learning to let go of negative self judgment, and replace it with positive and loving thoughts about yourself. Be kind to yourself, and watch your external world change.”

Anita Moorjani

Day 3/30

I was doing perfectly alright in my daily routine till I went on a vacation. I enjoyed so much on the vacation that I didn’t feel like coming back to the routine I had difficulty coping with. Ever since I’m back, I feel like a zombie. I am struggling to get back to my routine. I am reaching out to a lot of comfort (JUNK!) food to feel better. I feel better for a short while but it ends up making me feeling lethargic and bloated. Junk food does nothing for me and I really need to avoid it as much as I can.

I had a long weekend this week with plans of making full use of it. However, my mind and mood swings had other plans. I didn’t feel like doing anything except lying around and scrolling through Instagram and YouTube. Since I am a morning person, I feel positive and energized when the day begins. But I quickly lose all hope by the time evening sets in and my negative thought process takes over in the night. That’s exactly why I need to do something productive throughout the day to ward off those negative thoughts in the night.

I’ve been dealing with this thought process for a while. Working in a corporate office makes me feel trapped and restricted. I feel alive whenever I am not in office. That’s why even the thought of going back to office the next day squeezes out the last bit of energy from me. BUT, I’m tired of feeling like this. I know that I have complete control of my life and it’s my CHOICE to be in this position in life. No one is forcing me to do this. I work to be financially independent. I am not aware of an alternative option that would help me make the same kind of money that I make now (or more) and be passionate about it (never feel trapped in my life!). Till the time I discover this, I got to take charge of my life. I cannot be wasting precious years of my life, feeling BLAH all the time.

How do I do it? I have absolutely no idea so I have to discover my way of doing it. Starting tomorrow, I’ll make a list of 10 things that I want to change in my life and PUSH myself, every single time I slack, to work on it. That’s all I can do for now. Once I have a my goals in sight, I need to motivate myself to work on it. There will be times when I’ll feel like giving everything up and not do anything. That’s exactly what I have been doing ever since I have come back from my vacation. But that has been horrible for my mental health. My confidence and self esteem has taken a hit and I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I always feel much better when I take action, be productive and work on my goals. And that’s exactly what I’ll do, going ahead.

The glow up process begins, right now! I will share my experience (what worked, what didn’t) till I spend sufficient time doing at least (at least a month or two). Till then, huge shoutout to all the people who refuse to give up, no matter what life throws at them. You are the real superheroes in life!

Like a puppet on strings

#91/100

“To become better, you have to admit your ignorance—at least to yourself.”

― William A. Pasmore

I need to write about this because it affected me a lot yesterday. I’m sure I’ll eventually move past it and might end up doing what I always do, try to make amends. As of now, I feel let down and somewhat hurt.

I had an argument with someone over something very trivial yesterday. The underlying reason of the argument is a non-issue, what affected me was the lack of empathy and understanding as is the case always. I am not a perfect person, no one is. I make a lot of mistakes, sometimes act defensive when people attack me for them, victimize myself in many situations but when I know I’m wrong and have hurt people with my actions, I admit to my mistakes and apologize. I know an apology doesn’t magically make a hurtful situation better, but it’s a starter and the right thing to do.

The person I had an argument with yesterday, never admits to their mistakes, EVER! I don’t remember the last time they apologized. Whenever there has been an argument between us, I am somehow made to realize that my behavior is the prime reason behind it and everything somehow ends up being my fault. I am made to realize that if I can be more accommodating about their feelings and emotions, there would not be any disagreements. Consider a situation where this person truly likes a TV show that makes them happy. I have appreciated it and understood that it’s a source of joy to them. This person now wants me to like the same show, in the same manner and be as happy about it as it makes them. I tried watching the show and it didn’t spark my interest. When I tell this fact to them, they feel that I’ve made a half hearted attempt and make me feel bad for not trying enough.

The issue is not about the TV show, I swear! It’s about how I am made to feel guilty about my choices which somehow becomes a cause of their unhappiness. They try to unknowingly enforce their choices on me and expect me to react proactively. I guess, I am okay with that as well. What irks me the most is that they never admit to their mistakes! Every situation is addressed by them through their viewpoint without considering the responses given to them by others. They react in a manner that shows that they know what’s best for them as well as for every person they talk to and cannot fathom any disagreement to their viewpoints by any means. In case we disagree, it’s our fault and we are in the wrong, despite the circumstances of the situation. They have the amazing ability to turn every situation in their favor with their manipulative usage of words. I really don’t know if I make sense here, all I wish to highlight is such kind of toxic behavior makes us feel helpless as we don’t really know what’s the right way to deal with such situations and people.

I really felt like a puppet, expected to say and do as I’ve told. When I highlighted the fact that I could see the strings and wish to set myself free, I am told that being a puppet is the right thing for me and acting hostile will make the situation unfavorable for everyone.

The actual situation might not be as bad and the person mentioned here is a family member. I know they have my best interests in their mind. But this is how I feel currently and I am not able to shrug it off easily. Maybe it’s time for this person to admit that they can be wrong too, at least in 1 out of 10 situations!

Twist of fate

When it comes to life, we spin our own yarn, and where we end up is really, in fact, where we always intended to be.

Julia Glass

#24/100

A guy hears gun shots. He runs for cover in the woods, trying to save his life from the robbers who caught him sneaking on them. He can hear his heart thumping and breath getting heavier but he needs to continue running to stay alive. After running for a while he reaches a dead end, the robbers vivid footsteps can be heard clearly now as they draw closer. Realizing that the end is near, he slowly turns around to face the robbers. He closes his eyes to 3 robbers with pistols in their hands waiting to shoot him. He hears a “bang”, a gunshot has been fired. Does it take this long for the gunshot to hit me? He opens his eyes to see the robbers on the ground writhing in pain. The police arrives just in the nick of time to save him.

Haven’t we come across such thrilling scenes in movies numerous times? We are in total suspense till the end of the scene with the hope that the good human is rescued or saved after all. And in most of the cases, that’s exactly what happens. When I saw Ned Stark’s head being ripped off in Game of Thrones, I couldn’t believe my eyes. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be! The good guy should always survive. That was the first time I saw a realistic portrayal of life. After watching numerous movies and shows where the a bad situation somehow gets solved at the right time, my mind seeks a way out in my real life scenarios as well. We always wait for every complexity to magically disappear from our life at the right time.

I cannot say that I haven’t come across certain miraculous situations in my life. We have the tendency to keep waiting for everything to be perfect to finally celebrate our life. But that doesn’t have to be the case, always. Life is too unpredictable to wait for the right time for us to start enjoying it. No matter how our past and future is, we can definitely find one thing each day to be thankful for. As we start focusing on finding things that make us happy than stressing about things that don’t, a lot of our obstacles in life magically find a way out. I’ve always believed in magic as a kid. I still believe in it, deep within. We all have magic within us. The magic to change the way we look at life. I truly want to believe that I am and can be happy despite the manner in which my life unfolds in the future. The choice is always with us. Let’s pick the one that makes us happy. 🙂