Thankful, Grateful

Day 29/30

And it’s almost time to end the April writing challenge. I have one more day to go but that’s fixed for my monthly recap so this is final write up. April is my most favorite month of the year as it’s my birth month. I started off 2021 with immense positivity and hope and promised to carry it throughout the year. This month really tested my patience and anxiety levels. I’m trying to fight it with whatever means I can. This month has been my least productive month of all. You might think of me as someone who obsesses over productivity and progress all the time. I don’t know why I’m wired this way, being productive gives a huge boost to my energy levels and instantly makes me happy.

I’ve written for 29 days in row and am really grateful for all the experiences, thoughts, emotions I had while writing my daily posts throughout this month. It has been a long month and I have spent most time of this month slacking. I’d still not bash myself for it. It’s been a tough month mentally and I’m taking my own sweet time to come to terms with it. I do want to get past this slump soon and get back on track. Because having a powerful routine and following it to the tee truly makes me happy. That’s the fact of my life and I need to embrace it.

Thankful for all my blogger friends who took time out to read and comment on my posts. It means a LOT. It encouraged me to post on days when I absolutely didn’t want to. You helped me keep going and now I have a month long blogging streak to my credit. This feels incredible.

One day left in April that I need to utilize well to prepare for a new month and all my goals attached to it. Let’s make the best of it.

A ray of hope

“Someday all you will have to light your way will be a single ray of hope and that will be enough.”

–Kobi Yamada

Day 19/30

Something really good happened today. I can’t give details yet as the process hasn’t been completed yet. I don’t know the outcome yet. I gave my best but I know I was lacking in a lot of different aspects. Honestly, this has been my best experience till date for this process which I have always dreaded. I’m glad I was able to experience it. I really hope and pray that the outcome of this process is positive. For once I took on a challenge thinking of it as a win or learn opportunity and it honestly felt great. I’m really grateful that I got this opportunity. I will share details once the outcome is evident.

On a completely different note, have you ever encountered something that perfectly fits wish? For example, you’ve been waiting to have a certain dish which you have only fantasied about, dreamed of trying it, scrolled through videos of people enjoying the dish and craved to try it one fine day. Imagine your utter disappointment when you finally get a chance to try that dish and realize that it doesn’t taste the way you imagined it to be. You had great hopes of having the experience of a lifetime and you get a BIG FAT DISAPPOINTMENT in return. It’s physically painful. This is just a metaphor for the experience I’ve had recently. I had great hopes from a certain something, the description matched my dream wish list to the tee, everything seemed perfect till I “tried the dish“. Argh, what a big disappointment. I feel so sad that my expectation of having the experience of a lifetime was shattered, just like that! I’m exasperated!

To bring some cheer and hope to my and your life, let me share this amazing thought that I came across recently. It sure did help me feel a lot more powerful and in control of my life. I hope it helps you too. This applies to either gender.

Not that bad

“Having a friend at work will make you hate your job less.”

-Anonymous

I was very excited when I had just joined my current workplace. I was eager to work in a new environment, learn new things and have a fresh new start in my career. My excitement died down within a week of joining this place. I came to know that the only colleague in my team was on his notice period and I would be left all alone in my team after he left the organization. I’m not an extrovert by nature but I’m not a fan of boredom either. For almost 3 months, my weekday routine consisted of going to office, working alone at my desk, eating lunch along while scrolling through my phone, desperately waiting for the clock to strike 6 pm so that I could leave the workplace.

Things changed when a new joiner entered our department. Although she was part of a different team, we bonded well as we both were new comers in the organization. I finally had someone to talk to in office and no longer had to eat lunch alone. She is 7 years younger to me and comes from a completely different socio-economic background. There were many things we didn’t connect on but still enjoyed each other’s presence in the office. I always felt lonely and extremely bored when she was on leave from office. This made me wonder how things would work out when she planned to leave the organization to pursue further studies.

The dreaded thought became a reality last year when she quit the organization. I didn’t notice much of a difference until the end of December as my visits to office were sporadic, about twice a week. My office visits became regular 2 weeks back however things don’t seem as bad as I anticipated it to be. The Universe perfectly timed the entry of a new person in my life in the form of an old office colleague who I’ve rediscovered recently. She joined a year later than us and we both report to the same boss without being part of the same team. We shared a formal relationship earlier and never interacted much with each other. Our socio-economic backgrounds, thought process and outlook towards life has a lot of similarities and that helped us bond easily over the last few weeks. She has a treasure trove of stories filled with life experiences and I enjoy listening to them during the lunch time. I look forward to spending more time with her and relax my mind after a mentally stressful time at work.

This experience made me realize that we gain absolutely NOTHING by being ANXIOUS about the future. I spent way more time than I should, dreading the day my other colleague would quit the office and leave me all alone. When the time actually arrived, I was able to cope up without feeling depressed or upset about it. The Universe has it’s way of filling up the empty spaces in our life at the right time! Makes me wonder when it’s time for me to meet “THE ONE” as I feel that’s one feeling/experience I’ve been deprived of all my life. I’m starting to sound like Ted Mosby from the show “How I Met Your Mother“. Well, IT IS WHAT IT IS! There are days when I don’t think about it at all and then there are days when the questions in my mind just won’t stop. I’m sure the Universe has the absolute best in store for me (doesn’t hurt to think positive right?) and wants me to wait for the right time. I can only pray and hope that the right time (and person) arrives soon!

Would I be any different?

“There is no paycheck that can equal the feeling of contentment that comes from being the person you are meant to be.”

-Oprah Winfrey

I’ve had a tough childhood and have always considered this as a good excuse for all of my failures in life. For the longest time, I have blamed my father for not giving the rest of our family the means to do well in life. I still do this at times when I feel frustrated or stressed for not having things under my control. There is a nagging thought I have every single day and that’s my lack of efforts in living life to my full potential.

I always believed that my childhood experiences have shaped my personality, the good, bad and ugly. While I’m proud of all of my accomplishments, I’m fairly unsatisfied with the importance of career in my life. While growing up my family faced a lot of financial crunch, I took up my current profession and job to give a comfortable life to my family. I never wanted to experience financial trouble ever in my life. That was my sole motivation to earn a degree and look out for a job. As soon as I achieved this purpose, my life felt empty and directionless. I started hating my profession, job and everything related to one of the biggest aspect every human’s life, my career.

I have spent a lot of time blaming my father, my childhood, our family circumstances for not being able to achieve better things in life. I have also conveniently BELIEVED that my life would have been a lot different if I had the privilege of experiencing a comfortable childhood. That was far more easy for me than taking responsibility for my life.

Come to think of it, I don’t think my life would have been any different with a better childhood. I would still be the same person, with the same level of motivation and ambition in life, maybe even less as I wouldn’t have a solid purpose to dream big. I probably would have ended up doing nothing great in my career and led a comfortable life handed over to me by my wealthy father. WOW! This realization just hit me hard! My inability to achieve my full potential cannot be attributed to my childhood! It’s because of my half hearted attempts, my laziness to plan and chase my goals, it’s all ME!

Now that I know this well, I want to know what I’m truly capable of. I want to realize my full potential. I want to be the BEST in what I do and keep learning new things in life till the end of my existence on this planet. I’m truly pumped up and excited to start this new chapter in my life. I will share my journey, learning experiences and achievements here. Eagerly looking forward to see how life looks like on the other side of regrets, self sabotaging thoughts and all things that bog me down. I promise to utilize every ounce of my strength to fight the demons of my mind.

The ultimate goal

#99/100

“One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory”

-Rita Mae Brown

I just completed watching the series “The Good Place” on Netflix and I loved most part of it. One of the genres of this show is philosophical fiction and I’m drawn to everything that is connected to philosophy. Few of the dialogues and situations shown in the series were so profound, it blew my mind. The show touched on topics such as existential crisis, happiness, ultimate goal, moral obligation, life and death, sadness, mediocrity, growth and every single topic that raises questions that don’t have a well defined answer attached to it.

Almost every human being feel the emotion of sadness and experience all the negative feelings in life. This is caused as they fear an end to their existence without having the chance to experience everything that life has to offer. However, have you thought of what would happen if all problems and limitations are wiped out from your life? You can fulfill any dream you can possible imagine without having any conditions attached to it. Sounds blissful right? Almost like paradise? Does this seem like the perfect life you wish to live? Turns out, this kind of life isn’t ideal either. Even if you can do whatever you wish to do, once you have gone through all the experiences you’ve possibly imagined, what will you live on for? You might become happiness zombies if there’s absolutely zero inconsistencies in your life. Life can get boring really fast once we stop having a reason to live for.

The struggles, pain, sadness though difficult to experience, give meaning to our life. We find a new purpose, a better goal to aim for, a reason to wake up in the morning each day. Another great thing about human life is the innate desire to become a better version of themselves, every single day. Since we have a finite timeline on earth, we desperately wish to make it extraordinary and try everything possible to do it. If these things are handed out to us on a silver platter, life won’t have any meaning attached to it anymore.

The next time you face a problem, don’t curse yourself into believing that you are being punished for something. You face a problem, analyze your best possible options, try again after each failure and find the solution! Life makes sense because of every single element that makes up for it, the happy moments, sorrows and hardships are equally responsible for making our life truly exceptional.

What keeps you on your toes?

#96/100

“Embrace uncertainty. Some of the most beautiful chapters in our lives won’t have a title until much later.”

–Bob Goff

Someone asked me this question today and it got me thinking for a long time. He meant it in a professional perspective but I couldn’t think of a sensible answer even after pondering over it for a while. Currently with my on going job profile, the thought of getting back home keeps me on my toes. Writing an article on my beloved blog keeps my mind busy. Thinking about the distance of my next long run makes me happy. Completing my work quickly so that I have time to catch up on a book or show gives me motivation to speed up. But nothing even remotely related to my profession or job keeps me on my toes.

When we spend more than half of each day for most part of our life on building a career, it’s very important to enjoy the process enough to think of upgrading our skills in it. We shouldn’t be thinking of different ways to get out of the office rut to really start living our life. I feel each day should be balanced with our work and every other thing that sparks joy in us. Each day has a role to play in building our personality and life, it doesn’t make sense to move forward in life in a robotic manner.

I have many areas to work on with respect to my profession and career that I am aware of. I also enjoy studying and learning new things. Yet, at work, I end up wasting my time waiting for the day to end. I really want to change this routine. My work and profession is the reason I have achieved most of my childhood goals. It has given me respect and financial independence which matters means a lot to me. It is payback time now. Time to stop taking my job for granted and work hard to give back to my job and profession in the best possible manner. It could be in the form of learning a new skill or task, dedicating a fixed time everyday to learn something new, check out opportunities for improvement, upskill and reskill wherever needed and strive hard to become the best version of me, at home and work. Every single day is beautiful, I wouldn’t want to neglect any day that makes up the beauty that is ‘life‘.

I got scammed!

#95/100

Yesterday was a day full of big realizations for me when it comes to my online shopping skills. I had ordered 2 night suits online from a new website (https://cushhy.com/) and skipped all the basic yet extremely necessary precautions as I was too excited about it. The product was delivered yesterday and I got a bunch of 2 extremely cheap looking T-shirts instead of the night suits that I ordered. I was extremely upset but this has been a big learning experience for me.

Let me list down the basic checks before placing an order from any new website to avoid getting scammed like me. I’m sure you all must be aware of it yet I’m reiterating it to avoid taking these precautions for granted. This is the first time I got scammed as I’m usually very careful when it comes to ordering stuff online. I’m going to make it a habit to check for these red flags before placing any order online in future from an unknown website.

• Check the review of website/products offered on Youtube/any written reviews :- I blindly trusted the website to deliver the exact product I ordered and didn’t check for any reviews (this makes me sound so stupid!). If the website doesn’t have a review section for the products, search for written reviews online on Google or review videos on YouTube.
• Check the contact us section of the website :- The website that I ordered from had only an email address listed in their contact details. They hadn’t updated any contact numbers or address on the website for returns or issue redressal. (https://cushhy.com/pages/contact-us)
• Check for the return policy :- It should contain the timeline for return and exchange of goods and the refund policy in case we are not satisfied with the quality of the product. The return policy should mention the address for return of the specified goods. (https://cushhy.com/pages/shipping-return-policy)
• Don’t let the sale/cheap deals fool you :- Pause and go through all the necessary checks before placing an order.

I’ve been trying to find help online for relief measures in case of such scams. I have sent an email to the company which hasn’t (wouldn’t) be addressed. I have also filed a complaint with the National Consumer Helpline (https://consumerhelpline.gov.in/), haven’t heard back from them as well. I’ll update this section with the relief measures if I’m successful in getting back my refund. Please do let me know if I should be doing anything else to claim back my money and stop these scamsters from fooling other people.

Keeping up with your word

#82/100

Image credit : Vectortoons (Source : https://vectortoons.com/products/a-very-afraid-girl-trying-to-hide-herself-from-danger)

I wasn’t going to write about this today but I’m unable to bring my mind to think about anything else right now. I really hope writing this post will help calm me down a bit. Last month, I had committed to my running group to attend a team relay run scheduled to take place next month. Last week, my running group mentor formed the teams and asked us to register for the event. After giving my name for the event, I also committed to attend a trip planned by my girl gang and it happens to fall on the same day as the run. This trip is my priority and I have to withdraw my name from the event. This was pure carelessness on my part. I should have informed my running group in advance before the team formation was done. Now I am in a soup and I’m freaking out!

I’m really scared. I don’t know how to get out of this situation. My running group members are few of the most inspiring people I know. The group mentor just removed a member from the group for irresponsible behavior. Going by her messages, it seems like this member informed last minute about his inability to attend the relay event. I’m going to have to do the exact same thing soon. But I just can’t bring myself to do it. I really don’t know why I’m freaking out. I really look up to my running mentor and don’t wish to let her down.

This doesn’t really sound like a big dilemma but has somehow made me very stressed. I have to pull myself together and inform my running mentor about my withdrawal from the event. I really hope she doesn’t take it the wrong way. Gosh, this is hard! Probably the hardest thing I’ve had to do in a long time.

I’ll have to do this tomorrow. I really hope this situation magically sorts out in a manner favorable to all. Till then, I’ll try not to overthink and hope for the best!

Becoming unstoppable

#62/100

“Who you are today is not who you have to be tomorrow.” 

–Zdravko Cvijetic

Okay, so there have been few inconsistencies in my life of late. My routine has undergone a 360 degree change. I’m incredibly blessed to have a mother who understands the importance of having a stable mental health and doesn’t force me to do things I don’t feel like. Yet, I know I’m not giving my best. She has fractured her hand and needs complete rest at the moment. I am currently overwhelmed with the responsibilities of the house as well as office at the same time. I have been doing a terrible job at both since the day I took the responsibility.

I have the tendency to consider myself a victim of every uncomfortable situation that I’m put through. My initial reaction is to blame every person/thing that I consider responsible for being the reason behind my misery. My way to cope up with such situations is to do nothing about it. Since I’m a perfectionist, I take a long time to do any work that is expected of me. That makes it difficult for me to manage a lot of work at the same time causing me to procrastinate everything till the last moment.

But I’m really tired of finding the easy way out in all the difficult situations of my life. I always waste time when I have a lot of it. The minute I’m supposed to do something that I don’t wish to do, I’m reminded of all the work that I could have done in that time instead. My defense mechanism goes overboard to make me feel absolutely terrible at times.

So I’ve decided that this time, I won’t pick the safe route. I’ll get all work done, in the manner that I’m supposed to do, to the best of my ability. My mom is my biggest inspiration in life. Her grit and positivity always shines bright on me. The way she has handled all the difficult situations in life can be a rulebook to ones who get scared of it. She gets motivated to work harder when things don’t go as per her wish. I’ve hardly seen her disappointed with failures. She takes every mistake as a learning lesson and challenges herself to do better next time. This is exactly what I’m planning to do.

Cheers to a new challenge. If I can deal with all the brick backs life throws at me and end up learning something new in the process, won’t I become the person that I truly want to be? Be truly unstoppable! Let’s do this!!

Good news, bad news

#55/100

I used to be a very cowardly and superstitious person before. It took a lot of understanding, reading, listening and soul searching to overcome my fear of the unknown. I can’t say that I’m completely over it yet, but I try my best in every situation to think practically before coming to any conclusion. I try to question every tradition and custom and do my own research to find out the source of these practices.

Today started on a great note. I had applied for an IPO (initial public offering) for a company which was oversubscribed by 73.3 times. In layman’s terms, the odds for landing an allotment for this IPO were 73:1. The system is lottery based, there is no particular criteria to land an allotment for such IPOs, it depends totally on your luck. People tend to apply multiple lots through separate accounts to land up getting at least one lot. Even after going through so much trouble, many people tend to get nothing. I applied for one lot and to my pleasant surprise, got allotted!!! The universe is in my favor today, it has been in my favor for a long time now. I got allotted for shares that were vied by 73 other people. I shared the news with my closed ones and somehow started worrying about being the lucky one here. I couldn’t shrug off a feeling of uneasiness after being truly happy with my luck.

A while later, I got a phone call from my mom in the afternoon saying that she had slipped and injured her hand. I was very worried but she assured me that she wasn’t in pain. Why did this happen today of all days when I was celebrating my good luck?

I don’t understand why I still tend to be scared of being too happy. I don’t know if others too feel the same way. My friends do. They fear the “evil eye“. I know it sounds really old fashioned and lame. Even I used to believe in it before. We fear people’s attention on our happy times, a good relationship, prosperous life or any success for that matter. We fear that bad times will follow good ones. However, when we are going through a low phase, we believe that the phase is never ending and there’s absolutely no way out of it. Why does the mind behave in the exact opposite manner when we are happy? Why is being happy considered a luxury?

Over the years I’ve become extremely stubborn and gritty with my beliefs. Nothing good came to my life by being fearful and superstitious. So now I behave in the exact opposite manner and don’t care what happens. I go with the flow, take life as it comes and learn from my experiences, the good, bad and ugly!