Lost cause


“Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.”

– Robert Brault

This is a tough one. Conflicts, arguments, fights are a part and parcel of every human’s life. Most of the times it ends up either with a permanent rift in the equation of people involved or an apology to sort out the matter. What should be done in a case when we know that it isn’t our fault yet might need to apologize to rectify the situation? Have you ever dealt with people who never apologize for their actions, even when they are visibly at fault?

I am closely connected with 2 such individuals in my life who posses this particular personality trait. I have never received an apology from them for any of their actions that have hurt me or were noticeably wrong. I fought with them, put across my points, told them how their actions have hurt me deeply, tried to reason with them and failed every time to get the apology that I desperately needed for a mental closure. You might think of them as evil humans who can’t let their guard down for the sake of others. But the reality could be totally different.

Some people cannot apologize for their actions, no matter how hard they try. The sheer thought of accepting their mistakes can shatter their ego and destroy their self esteem. Owing to the various experiences right from their childhood that helped frame their personality, these individuals need to be proven right every time to maintain their sense of self worth. An apology stems from the acceptance that one is wrong and their actions have hurt someone. It puts the person apologizing in a vulnerable position and requires immense strength to accept that one is wrong, especially after defending themselves in the argument to the best of their ability. A normal person might feel guilty after making an apology, those who can’t do it sense a feeling of shame which is far more fatal than guilt. They could feel that apologizing would lead to taking sole responsibility of the situation rendering the other person free from any blame. At some point, they might become comfortable with anger and maintaining an emotional distance and feeling emotionally vulnerable might open the floodgates to sadness and despair which they won’t be able to control.

Understanding the thought patterns of people who never apologize can give the ones seeking it a bit of closure and emotional relief. We need to treat such people (especially if our relationship with them is too precious to lose) with utmost patience, care and understanding so that we can help them come to terms with their personality and manage their emotions well. We need to realize that no one is truly at fault here and heal our minds to move on from such conflicting situations.

Getting out of my comfort zone

It was my first day at my new job today. This place is everything I wanted my dream job to be like. Extremely knowledgeable people, great office environment, fixed timings, great brand, yet, I feel weird.

There is this intense feeling of discomfort that is plaguing my mind. I just can’t come to terms with the fact that opportunities lie outside the comfort zone. In my previous organisation, I knew everything and everyone, everything and everyone knew me. I didn’t like the people there nor the office timings, yet, I want to go back and hide myself there.

What is wrong? Why do I feel so uncomfortable at a place that feels so right! Well, that’s the cost to pay when you venture out of your comfort zone. The comfort zone is a place which protects you from any kind of fear. New places brings with it unknown situations, uncomfortable meetings, it tests your knowledge and your ability to deal with new surroundings. All this ain’t pretty. Especially, for an introvert like me. Introverts like to conserve as much energy as possible. They lose energy and hope as soon as they have to encounter a new situation.

It’s time to be more positive and embrace my reality. Living my life one day at a time might help. I either live in the past or find myself dreaming about the future. Present is never an option for me.

Embracing every moment of the present situation will help me recuperate and that’s what I am going to do. It was my decision to move out of the situation I was in and upgrade my life. Now, I need to be more mature and responsible about my decisions. Happiness is a continuous process. You cannot wait for it to find it’s way to you. Happiness sometimes requires effort. Your mind needs to free and clutter free in order to create a nurturing house for it to stay in for a long time.

While I go back to my reality, I urge you all to give the uncomfortable situation you are currently facing, another chance. Just remember, this feeling too shall pass. It is just an illusion created by your mind to protect you from prospective fearful situations. And believe me, you are stronger than that! So, fight the FEAR.!

Hand drawing unhappy and happy smileys on blackboard

Know when to let go..!!

I am a person who dwells on the past. It is not a bad thing to revisit your memories, however it becomes a problem when your past affects the present. There are a million thoughts that race through your mind throughout the day. My thoughts range from regrets about the past to imagining situations about how I would have reacted in the same situation differently. One of my favourite hobbies is also thinking about a parallel universe where each one of my impossible thoughts come true. These kind of thoughts generate negativity about the present and also the future. You would find me staring at blank walls most of the time immersed in my own thoughts.

I’ve also seen people dragging a dead relationship. We meet a lot of people in our life, some we connect with mutually, some we don’t. The third and most painful situation is when one person wants to connect with someone who is least bothered. People who overthink tend to convince themselves to keep on trying. The phrase “If at once we don’t succeed, try, try and try again!” is drilled in our minds throughout school. We keep on trying and lose our dignity and self respect in the process.

It is very important to know when to stop.

When your thoughts over power your present as well as cast a shadow on your future, you need to stop.

Everyone has a lot of dreams and goals in our life. The situations I mentioned above create pitfalls in your journey to achieve these goals. We admire people who are extremely focussed in their life and keep on climbing the ladder of success. What we forget is the fact that each one of us possess infinite amount of ability to reach the pinnacle of success. People who end up succeeding in life are ones who have mastered the art of using thoughts to their advantage. There will be situations in life that side track you from your goals. In such scenarios, you need to keep your inner belief system strong. Always remember the below 3 points before making any irrational decision :-

  • Be the master of your life, not the victim – “Live life as per your terms”
  • Keep your dignity and self esteem in check – “Someone else cannot define you”
  • You can achieve everything you set your mind to – “Nothing is impossible”

Be the person you wish to be “NOW”, there is never a better time. Always stay in the present and witness wonderful events unfold in your life.

If you are caught up in the web of self pity and despise, please go through the above 3 points again. The points though basic, can have a huge impact on you if you choose to believe in it.

All the best!!