Connect the dots

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards.”

–Steve Jobs

Day 17/30

A friend asked me a very profound question today, what do you think you’d be doing when you turn 40? I didn’t have any instant answer to this question. Questions like these are so difficult to answer. Life is so uncertain and I fell unsettled most of times. How would I know what I’d be doing 9 years from now. I sure do hope I’m happy, that’s what I aim for each day.

Just imagine a life, where you’d exactly know how your future would pan out. You have seen it, you know what to do to achieve it, you can avoid all hurdles along the way as you know those won’t help you reach the destination easily, you’d be ANXIETY-FREE. Well isn’t that awesome!

But my friend was quick to bring me back to my senses. “Life would be so boring then!”, he said. You wouldn’t have to face any challenges, you’d never experience the emotion of surprise, excitement or happiness as you would have already anticipated the outcome. There would be no joy of working hard and achieving your desired results through your efforts. Life would be meaningless.

As hard it is to accept this, it’s true. We shape ourselves and grow through each obstacle and challenge that we face in life. It’s very important for us to appreciate the outcome of our actions. As quoted above by Steve Jobs, we can only connect the dots backwards. So no matter where you are and what you do, don’t forget to work hard. You have nothing to lose. It will all make sense in the end.

Given-Taken

“When two givers indulge in a connection, it’s like magic. It’s alchemy. I water you, you water me, we never drain each other, we just grow.”

-Anonymous

Day 8/30

Life would have been so much better had the world be filled with givers. However, that’s not the case in our world. Most people are takers and that’s the main point of contention in many relationships. There are many people who want everyone’s attention, they want to be the center of the Universe, they want people to care for them, guide them, notice them, help them and in return they’ll still complain that the other person is not doing enough. Can you notice the dynamics of a classic giver-taker relationship here?

Givers are self sufficient, they can handle their emotions and needs well on their own. They have expectations from takers too. But the takers are so immersed in their own life that givers learn to take care of themselves. However, takers end up being extremely dependent on givers for all of their emotional needs. The worst part is that no matter how much the giver gives, takers are never satisfied. They’ll always find faults and shortcomings in the taker’s efforts to keep them happy.

The takers are borderline selfish (some don’t even realize it), yet givers do their best to keep them happy. But it comes at a cost. Initially, givers do everything out of love and care for takers. But there comes a tipping point in every relationship (sooner or later) when the givers realize the importance of their own expectations and happiness too. And once the tipping point is breached, givers stop caring about the takers. From this point onwards, givers only try to discharge their responsibility without feeling any love or care for the takers.

If you are a giver in any relationship, make the other person understand your expectations and put yourself first. Only when your cup is full that you can help others. Do everything to make sure that your cup is overflowing with love and care for others so that you don’t burn out doing things for others without getting anything in return.

If you are a taker in any relationship, be conscious of your actions and make time to understand your givers expectations as well. A relationship succeeds only when both parties are happy and fulfilled.

The relationship in question can be anything, husband-wife, siblings, parent-children. Take efforts for people around you and they’ll always remember (sometimes give back) the gesture. Spread happiness and kindness around.

Dealing with someone’s anger

#98/100

“Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one.”

–Benjamin Franklin

Anger is a very necessary and strong emotion. It becomes out of hand when we let it control our actions. I am a passive aggressive person. I used to keep all my thoughts and feelings within me as long as I could till it got the better of me. I only vented out and stopped talking to the person for sometime only after someone’s actions hurt me beyond my limits of patience. Since I always feared speaking my mind when I felt bad about something, I kept my feelings to myself till it turned into regrets. Once it turs to regret, it takes a long time to get over our anger and for us to realize the ill effects of our actions.

I used to keep my frustrations pent up for a long time and burst out into arguments when I couldn’t take it anymore. After such arguments, I preferred not talking to the person for a long time till I dealt with my emotional reaction over the situation. I have had long periods of silence with most of my close friends for reasons that seem extremely petty to me now. None of the issues that have angered me in the past make sense to me anymore. Yet I don’t regret it as I dealt with low confidence, insecurity and low self esteem issues growing up.

Anger starts from a simple emotion of “expectation”. We expect something to happen in a certain manner and when things don’t unfold according to our wishes, all hell breaks loose. We cannot expect other people to behave exactly in the manner we expect them to. We are dealing with human beings with varied emotions and expressions that is unique from person to person. A little understanding and patience when things start to feel wrong could go a long way in avoiding unnecessary conflicts. A high sense of self worth helps us get over the inertia of handing out the olive branch and apologize first to make things right, especially when we know both sides are at fault. This is still a work in progress for me but I’m trying everyday to become more secure with my self and patient in life as I absolutely despise having conflicts of any kind. I tend to think about them every waking minute of my life and lose my sleep over it.

If the conflict remains unresolved even after apologizing, the only thing that one can do is to give the other person time and space to deal with their emotions. Although it’s my ardent desire to live a conflict free life, I know very well that this might be an absurd expectation. Avoiding any form of conflict could end up muting my real thoughts and convert me into a person who agrees to everything that other people say and live with grudges all my life. All I can do is work to find a middle ground where I can ensure that my voice is heard without hurting anyone’s feelings.

Thank You!

Thank you, undoubtedly the most underrated phrase on this planet. No, I’m not talking about being thankful towards other people in your life (that’s a separate matter of discussion anyways!), but being thankful towards your own life!

So we get up every morning, travel to work, crib about the insane traffic on the streets or crowd in the public transport, crib about being at work, cry about the extra work hours, go back home, while away our time on the internet and sleep. This accounts for 60/70% of an average human’s life. While studying they can’t wait to work, while working they can’t wait to relax, while on vacation they dread the end of vacation and during retirement, they don’t know how they’ve spent their life.

We as humans have the tendency to take everything in our life for granted. Be it the food that we eat, the house we live in, the clothes we wear, the people we interact with, or a thing as simple as the air that we breathe. We keep waiting for something amazing to take place in our life, to earn more money, a better job, a better house, basically we keep sending happiness on a chase for a “better” something. Why do we end up making happiness a journey always? Since we’ve sent “our” happiness on a chase, we struggle to keep up with the journey and get depressed, anxious, sad and upset when the path seems too long. What we don’t realize is that we can convert this journey into an interesting ride and enjoy every millisecond of it!

When I was a kid, all I wanted to do was to grow up and earn money so that our family could have a better life. As an adult who has achieved most of her childhood dreams, I still feel that my life is unfulfilled because I’ve replaced my childhood goals with a new set of goals and sent my happiness on a chase again. Getting my house renovated has always been one of my biggest and most prominent dream as a child. As I’m typing this, my house is being renovated and instead of feeling accomplished, I’m still waiting for a miracle to dramatically transform my life! Do I need to find any newer or better ways to complicate my happiness, hell no!

I’m glad I’ve had this realisation finally! Happiness, in fact, is a very simple process.

• Live in the present moment:- The best way to do this is inculcating the practice of journaling your daily life. Treat every day as the D-day rather than as a  run-up to the main event. After all, each day is precious, you’d never know if you’d live to see another day. So stop stalling all the pending items on your bucket list, treat life as a grand celebration and thoroughly enjoy each day of your life. And journaling it will help you reminisce.
• Practice gratitude:- This is most important. If we keep finding things to crib about, we’ll keep sending our happiness on a life long chase. Recollecting and writing down things you are grateful about will help instill a sense of achievement, fulfillment and most importantly happiness in you. Instead of cribbing about everything in life, we can just be grateful for the small little things that build the grandeur of our life.
• Be the “best” you:- Since it’s very evident from the first point that we need to pull ourselves out from the regretful past and uncertain future, we shouldn’t delay our goals, wait for a certain something to take place or a future period to achieve whatever we have set our heart to do. The best time is always “NOW“. So strive to be the best version of you every day, make each day count and crush all your goals in the present. Bring a full stop to your never-ending “waiting period”.

Sounds simple ain’t it? Wonder if it actually works? Well, no other way to find out than actually putting it to action! Let’s not complicate happiness anymore!

 

L.O.N.E.R.

I’ve always been a shy, introverted kid. I never really wanted to have a big group of bff’s to share my life with. I’ve always loved my own personal space. Being on my own, with my thoughts used to be my favourite passtime. I could never really grow out of it.

However, as years passed by, I’ve turned into this person who needs soemeone around. I constantly check my messages to find something interesting. I keep flipping my phone to come accross something that can kill my boredom. I watch movies and series as much as I can. I try to spend time with my younger sister as much as possible. But, if there is any change in this routine (like yesterday when my sister was busy with something and needed the laptop), I almost died of inactivity.

Of late I’ve been feeling a lack of enthusiasm, lack of purpose in my life. I really have no clue why I have this feeling. But, it’s something I cannot hide away from.

Ironically, I hate getting up in the mornings, being a morning person! I thought deeply about this today and realised I do not seem to look forward to the mornings anymore. In fact, there is nothing to be excited about anyday as a matter of fact. I do not have any long term or short term goals. My future seems hazy! And no, I’m not sad or depressed!

I just lack focus! I’m unenthusiatic and unmotivated! I’ve recently joined a workplace where everyone seems super energetic and motivated and it has had an adverse effect on me. Instead of being inspired by them, I’ve started questioning my own life’s decisions!

While in school, I had my studies to look forward to, I wanted to top the class.

Come college, I wanted to do well in my 12th boards!

Degree college bought with it my identity, Charetered Accountancy course which I wanted to excel in!

Now, everything is done and dusted! I am a C.A., have a stable job, my regular set of friends who are quiet busy with their lives! There is nothing exciting about my life anymore!

I want to feel alive again! But I’m completely clueless about how to go about it.

There is one thing I’ve been delaying for a very long time. I’ll wake up early and go on a run tomorrow onwards! Let’s see how that turns out!

I really want to fall in love with my life! I’ll try to make an honest effort to achieve just that!

Wish me luck!

Getting out of my comfort zone

It was my first day at my new job today. This place is everything I wanted my dream job to be like. Extremely knowledgeable people, great office environment, fixed timings, great brand, yet, I feel weird.

There is this intense feeling of discomfort that is plaguing my mind. I just can’t come to terms with the fact that opportunities lie outside the comfort zone. In my previous organisation, I knew everything and everyone, everything and everyone knew me. I didn’t like the people there nor the office timings, yet, I want to go back and hide myself there.

What is wrong? Why do I feel so uncomfortable at a place that feels so right! Well, that’s the cost to pay when you venture out of your comfort zone. The comfort zone is a place which protects you from any kind of fear. New places brings with it unknown situations, uncomfortable meetings, it tests your knowledge and your ability to deal with new surroundings. All this ain’t pretty. Especially, for an introvert like me. Introverts like to conserve as much energy as possible. They lose energy and hope as soon as they have to encounter a new situation.

It’s time to be more positive and embrace my reality. Living my life one day at a time might help. I either live in the past or find myself dreaming about the future. Present is never an option for me.

Embracing every moment of the present situation will help me recuperate and that’s what I am going to do. It was my decision to move out of the situation I was in and upgrade my life. Now, I need to be more mature and responsible about my decisions. Happiness is a continuous process. You cannot wait for it to find it’s way to you. Happiness sometimes requires effort. Your mind needs to free and clutter free in order to create a nurturing house for it to stay in for a long time.

While I go back to my reality, I urge you all to give the uncomfortable situation you are currently facing, another chance. Just remember, this feeling too shall pass. It is just an illusion created by your mind to protect you from prospective fearful situations. And believe me, you are stronger than that! So, fight the FEAR.!

Know when to let go..!!

I am a person who dwells on the past. It is not a bad thing to revisit your memories, however it becomes a problem when your past affects the present. There are a million thoughts that race through your mind throughout the day. My thoughts range from regrets about the past to imagining situations about how I would have reacted in the same situation differently. One of my favourite hobbies is also thinking about a parallel universe where each one of my impossible thoughts come true. These kind of thoughts generate negativity about the present and also the future. You would find me staring at blank walls most of the time immersed in my own thoughts.

I’ve also seen people dragging a dead relationship. We meet a lot of people in our life, some we connect with mutually, some we don’t. The third and most painful situation is when one person wants to connect with someone who is least bothered. People who overthink tend to convince themselves to keep on trying. The phrase “If at once we don’t succeed, try, try and try again!” is drilled in our minds throughout school. We keep on trying and lose our dignity and self respect in the process.

It is very important to know when to stop.

When your thoughts over power your present as well as cast a shadow on your future, you need to stop.

Everyone has a lot of dreams and goals in our life. The situations I mentioned above create pitfalls in your journey to achieve these goals. We admire people who are extremely focussed in their life and keep on climbing the ladder of success. What we forget is the fact that each one of us possess infinite amount of ability to reach the pinnacle of success. People who end up succeeding in life are ones who have mastered the art of using thoughts to their advantage. There will be situations in life that side track you from your goals. In such scenarios, you need to keep your inner belief system strong. Always remember the below 3 points before making any irrational decision :-

• Be the master of your life, not the victim – “Live life as per your terms”
• Keep your dignity and self esteem in check – “Someone else cannot define you”
• You can achieve everything you set your mind to – “Nothing is impossible”

Be the person you wish to be “NOW”, there is never a better time. Always stay in the present and witness wonderful events unfold in your life.

If you are caught up in the web of self pity and despise, please go through the above 3 points again. The points though basic, can have a huge impact on you if you choose to believe in it.

All the best!!

Thoughts to action!

How many times has it happened that you’ve been sitting on an idea or thought for a long time and never managed to accomplish it? Countless? Innumerous? I’ve done the same thing too. I’ve always had a huge “things to do” list on my mind which I’ve never managed to strike off within the estimated timeline. So, what goes wrong?

Well, there are two types of people in this world, namely :

• Thinkers : As the name suggests, the thinkers are part of “day-dreaming” universe. They plan elaborate stuff with vivid details. All their thoughts are incredibly exhaustive with a timeline attached to it. Thinkers love to plan and spend a lot of time in designing the nitty gritty. However, they miss out the most important aspect of their plans – “Action”. Thinkers get so exhausted with planning the details that they are left with no motivation to convert their plans into action. Thinkers always find a lot of road blocks in their journey which stalls their progress.
• Doers : These are the kind of people who have a string of accomplishments attached to their name. They always manage to kill procrastination and get a lot of stuff done within the same 24 hrs day. Doers come across as extremely focused and passionate individuals who can go to any lengths to achieve their goals. It feels like they have their entire life sorted. Doers manage to find quick solutions to any obstacles that may cross the path to their goals.

So what is it that special quality possessed by Doers that helps them get an edge over Thinkers? Why do Thinkers lag far behind Doers in accomplishing their dreams?

It’s the magic element called “Action”
Both Thinkers and Doers are equally capable of completing the same task at hand, however Doers repeatedly emphasise on “actioning” their thoughts which provides them the edge in this race. Thinkers place the bets on their incredible planning skills and derive the same gratification level as if they have accomplished the task. Doers earn their sense of gratification after completing the task at hand.

I’m part of the “Thinkers” club slowly crawling my way to “Doers” universe by using a simple technique which helps me focus on the present task. Usually, I have a thought and within few seconds my brain starts churning up negative situations that deviate me from my initial thought and creates a roadblock. The longer I take to listen to my initial thought, higher is the number of obstacles I face in conquering it. Thus, I end up spending more time in the comfort zone which is the land of no return.

So the technique I use here is to follow the first thought I have. For example; you want to get up at 6 am in the morning, your alarm clock rings at 6 am – first thought “wake up”, within seconds your brain starts throwing overpowering notions such as “sleep for 5 more minutes”, “you slept late last night”, “you can wake up early tomorrow”. Thus, you end up following the massive outburst of negative thoughts and hit the snooze button. TASK UNACCOMPLISHED.

You need to follow the first thought i.e. “wake up” in the above scenario and act on it before your brains throws the negative influx of thoughts at you.

Try engraining this little change in your day to day tasks and notice the difference. This will help you to keep on increasing the number of accomplished tasks in your to-do list.

Welcome to the “Doers” club!