Have you ever felt unsettled in life?

So I’ve been going through this phase for quiet sometime now, I guess the Covid-19 situation might have just aggravated it further. I feel very unsettled in my life. I don’t mean to say I’m depressed at the moment, might have experienced bouts of anxiety when I was asked to resume work about 3 weeks back, but the feeling of not having things under my control.

Before you guys jump to conclusions and write me off for spelling out a common phenomena that everyone experiences in their life, let me tell you I’ve been feeling like this for a long time now. It might have started roughly about 4 years back when I gradually started losing interest in my professional work. My mind kept asking me questions as to what purpose does tallying balance sheets and calculating P&L serve the mankind in general. I know it very well that it’s an important job to do, people need to know how much money they have made so that they can make more the next time. I realised in the end, it’s all about money! I really don’t know if I’m that crazy about money to spend my whole life calculating it, in different ways and forms of course!

This whole mystery of finding one’s life’s purpose has made me go through several emotions. 4 years back when I realised I need to find my purpose, this thought gave me an interim purpose of going through various content online, watching videos, talking to people to help figure out my own purpose. Then the initial excitement of being exposed to helpful content online, listening to various people who have it all sorted gradually waned leaving me with this additional burden of not having figured out my purpose yet!

Is there a rulebook or textbook or anybook that gives out the exact instructions to solve this great mystery of life? They really should have made it for atleast people who suffer from OCD. It can get annoying to the point that nothing makes sense anymore. As I said, the inital excitement and energy has completely dissapeared, my younger self might abandon me completely if she found out how I turned out eventually. I was a person who believed in the lamest of fairy tales, innocently believed and trusted people around, made a wish and really believed that it would turn true. Now, I’m just few points short in unclocking my next avatar, the cynic!

This sure seems like a very first world problem right? There are people around us who don’t know where their next morsel of food will come from and mighty me is complaining about not finding her “purpose” in life! Seriously, is that even a problem. While I’m totally empathetic towards the people who’ve had it extremely difficult in life and do whatever little I can to help them, I’m really not able to silence this nagging thought inside my head that keeps saying, this is not it, you are wasting your time, something is not right!

They say the best way to help yourself is to start by loving yourself. The question that I have now is whether I need to love myself in a manner that I’m able to forgive myself for the possibility of not EVER finding my purpose in life or should I love myself enough to keep giving myself chances when I fail to find it despite my best efforts? Does this thing called purpose even exist in life, or it’s just a ploy by the self help gurus to help sell their books and speeches?

Aah, seriously though, please share the rule book to life, I really want to go back to the person I was 4 years back who had no such thoughts, striding through life in oblivion!

L.O.N.E.R.

I’ve always been a shy, introverted kid. I never really wanted to have a big group of bff’s to share my life with. I’ve always loved my own personal space. Being on my own, with my thoughts used to be my favourite passtime. I could never really grow out of it.

However, as years passed by, I’ve turned into this person who needs soemeone around. I constantly check my messages to find something interesting. I keep flipping my phone to come accross something that can kill my boredom. I watch movies and series as much as I can. I try to spend time with my younger sister as much as possible. But, if there is any change in this routine (like yesterday when my sister was busy with something and needed the laptop), I almost died of inactivity.

Of late I’ve been feeling a lack of enthusiasm, lack of purpose in my life. I really have no clue why I have this feeling. But, it’s something I cannot hide away from.

Ironically, I hate getting up in the mornings, being a morning person! I thought deeply about this today and realised I do not seem to look forward to the mornings anymore. In fact, there is nothing to be excited about anyday as a matter of fact. I do not have any long term or short term goals. My future seems hazy! And no, I’m not sad or depressed!

I just lack focus! I’m unenthusiatic and unmotivated! I’ve recently joined a workplace where everyone seems super energetic and motivated and it has had an adverse effect on me. Instead of being inspired by them, I’ve started questioning my own life’s decisions!

While in school, I had my studies to look forward to, I wanted to top the class.

Come college, I wanted to do well in my 12th boards!

Degree college bought with it my identity, Charetered Accountancy course which I wanted to excel in!

Now, everything is done and dusted! I am a C.A., have a stable job, my regular set of friends who are quiet busy with their lives! There is nothing exciting about my life anymore!

I want to feel alive again! But I’m completely clueless about how to go about it.

There is one thing I’ve been delaying for a very long time. I’ll wake up early and go on a run tomorrow onwards! Let’s see how that turns out!

I really want to fall in love with my life! I’ll try to make an honest effort to achieve just that!

Wish me luck!

Know when to let go..!!

I am a person who dwells on the past. It is not a bad thing to revisit your memories, however it becomes a problem when your past affects the present. There are a million thoughts that race through your mind throughout the day. My thoughts range from regrets about the past to imagining situations about how I would have reacted in the same situation differently. One of my favourite hobbies is also thinking about a parallel universe where each one of my impossible thoughts come true. These kind of thoughts generate negativity about the present and also the future. You would find me staring at blank walls most of the time immersed in my own thoughts.

I’ve also seen people dragging a dead relationship. We meet a lot of people in our life, some we connect with mutually, some we don’t. The third and most painful situation is when one person wants to connect with someone who is least bothered. People who overthink tend to convince themselves to keep on trying. The phrase “If at once we don’t succeed, try, try and try again!” is drilled in our minds throughout school. We keep on trying and lose our dignity and self respect in the process.

It is very important to know when to stop.

When your thoughts over power your present as well as cast a shadow on your future, you need to stop.

Everyone has a lot of dreams and goals in our life. The situations I mentioned above create pitfalls in your journey to achieve these goals. We admire people who are extremely focussed in their life and keep on climbing the ladder of success. What we forget is the fact that each one of us possess infinite amount of ability to reach the pinnacle of success. People who end up succeeding in life are ones who have mastered the art of using thoughts to their advantage. There will be situations in life that side track you from your goals. In such scenarios, you need to keep your inner belief system strong. Always remember the below 3 points before making any irrational decision :-

  • Be the master of your life, not the victim – “Live life as per your terms”
  • Keep your dignity and self esteem in check – “Someone else cannot define you”
  • You can achieve everything you set your mind to – “Nothing is impossible”

Be the person you wish to be “NOW”, there is never a better time. Always stay in the present and witness wonderful events unfold in your life.

If you are caught up in the web of self pity and despise, please go through the above 3 points again. The points though basic, can have a huge impact on you if you choose to believe in it.

All the best!!

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Anger Management 101

I was a pretty patient person throughout my childhood. I used to seldom get angry and make peace with most of the situations in life. I did get upset if things didn’t work my way but never be angry.

When I look back at those days, I feel I’m a completely changed person now. Wrath and anger has become a part of my life nowadays, especially when I’m in office. I’m more patient and calm with my friends and family but not with colleagues at office. So, what has changed?

Well, in office I get angry over situations I cannot control. When people keep on asking the same questions again, they are not responsible for their actions, repeat the same mistakes carelessly, I feel agitated! I fail to understand why would someone wreck their own reputation and quality of work by acting in a negligent manner. And this results in me getting all worked up and swinging onto the damage control mode. Being a supervisor, I need to be responsible for everyone’s work and one person’s negligence results in me having to answer a hundred questions by the senior management which is tiresome.

howmeditationhelps

In my case, I get angry due to one or all of the following reasons:-

  • When I work at the last minute for any project
  • When other people act in a careless manner
  • When things are not conducted in an organised manner
  • When I make a silly mistake which could have been easily avoided

As you can see, in each of the above reasons, the following 2 things are very prominent :-

  • Situations in control – Involving your own self!
  • Situations beyond your control – Involving other people

SITUATIONS IN CONTROL – INVOLVING YOUR OWN SELF!

In such situations, as you are the master of your own fate, you can mould the outcome. If things don’t work because of your own self, it’s a learning experience. You can make a note of such situations in order to not repeat them in future. In case you still repeat them, it’s a warning sign with “DANGER LYING AHEAD” written in big red letters asking you to pay ATTENTION. When you are too passionate about your work, failure or incompetence is bound to make you angry. But, if you consider each error as a learning step to your glorious future, it would make you heave a sigh of relief instead of crying in agony. Making mistakes helps you to discover ways in which it can be avoided in future and learning more about the work you are doing. You get closer to achieving the outcome you’ve visualised and know how to avoid any pitfalls that may come in future.

SITUATIONS BEYOND YOUR CONTROL – INVOLVING OTHER PEOPLE

In this scenario, it’s pointless to act angry and hurt your own self in the process. You need to realise that each person acts in their own manner. You cannot control the process or the outcome in situations involving others. To avoid pain in such situations, you need to make sure your thoughts clear to the other person. If they still act in a destructive manner, you can either end your association or stop being affected by it. Everyone should be responsible for their own actions. If a person’s destructive behaviour is causing difficulties to oneself, you need to make changes in your situation to avoid being dependent on them for your own happiness. You can only get angry due to others if you keep your happiness in their control. Break the control, be the master of your happiness.

In each of the above situation, your reaction matters the most. People act in split second without thinking about the situation or the reason behind it. Our reactions are always immediate. The best way to control anger is to control your reaction to any situation. Always Clear your head-> Analyse-> React!

I’ve tried to analyse the reason behind situations causing anger and list down the most simple ways of avoiding it. So next time you are about to get angry, take a deep breath, understand which of the above situation you fall in and think about it clearly before spitting fire!!

Ciao!