Monthly recap : August 2021

I tried my level best to focus on recovery and to get back on track this month, Quiet happy with my progress.

Mental health

• Meditated for 26/31 days.
• Journaled/documented my day for 0/31 days
• Practiced gratitude journaling for 0/31 days.

Personal Growth

This section is for a new skill or talent that I’ve acquired in this month, tried a new activity or thing that has pushed me out of my comfort zone.

• I got a promotion in office to a new designation. I also gave 1 very exciting job interview this month that helped push me out of my comfort zone. I tried new things at work and rejoined office after my covid quarantine in a renewed manner. My main focus is on developing a growth mindset in life. This mindset gives me confidence to confront challenges and work consistently harder to become the best version of myself.

Workouts

• Zero outdoor/indoor runs
• Worked out for 20/31 days

Education

• Zero progress with CFA level 1 curriculum. Exam has been deferred to February 15 2022. I’ve ordered books for the new curriculum and I’m all set to give my best for this exam.
• Zero online courses completed in August.

Entertainment

• Completed reading 3 books (my highest record till date) and halfway through 4th book. The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod, Mindset by Carol Dweck and Atomic Habits by James Clear. It’s safe to say that these 3 books have helped me transform my life in more ways than one. They have redirected the course of my life and made me change my thought patterns. I would especially like to give biggest credit to the book “Mindset”. I try to take all decisions in my life based on the philosophies shared in this book. It has made me confident to face challenges head on and not be afraid of making mistakes in life.
• Halfway through Scam 1992 which is a web series based on the Indian stock and money market scam in 1992. I not only found it extremely entertaining but it is knowledgeable as well.

It’s been 3 years that I’ve felt stuck in my professional life but haven’t particularly made any efforts to try new things at work. I’ve always blamed my external environment for everything that was wrong with my career. It came as a huge shock to me when it finally dawned to me that I possessed all the aspects of a “fixed mindset” at work. I was scared of challenges, tend to believe that skill/talent is a limited resource and didn’t trust myself to do better than this. The book “MINDSET” by Carol Dweck opened up my mind to new possibilities and I’m excited to try each one of them.

To new beginnings and growth mindset!

Monthly recap : June 2021

I totally wanted to skip this month’s recap. June has been my worst month in terms of productivity. I don’t know how I managed to spend an entire month in utter confusion and anxiety. I managed to skip all my usual self care activities (meditation, workouts and journaling) for most part of this month. I did have a busy work schedule during the last week of June but that doesn’t explain my unproductive streak for the first 3 weeks. I think I needed a break from my usual routine, I wasn’t able to focus or concentrate on the good parts of my life. I took time to heal and it worked to an extent. I won’t say I’m completely back to my usual self but I don’t feel that anxious and confused anymore. I consider that a huge win.

Mental health

• Meditated for 3/30 days.
• Journaled/documented my day for 0 days.
• Practiced gratitude journaling for 0 days.

Personal Growth

This section is for a new skill or talent that I’ve acquired in this month, tried a new activity or thing that has pushed me out of my comfort zone.

• I don’t recollect doing anything special or different this month

Workouts

• Zero outdoor/indoor runs
• Worked out for 8/30 days

Education

• Zero progress with CFA level 1 curriculum.
• Zero online courses completed in June

Entertainment

• Completed reading 0 books (More than halfway through 3 books.)
• No movies/web series

Looking back at my progress this month, I could have easily skipped posting this. But the book I’m reading currently has helped change my perspective at looking things. The book goes by the name “Mindset” by renowned psychologist “Carol Dweck”. The book speaks about two different kind of mindsets that people have “Fixed and Growth”.

I wish to try new things, work hard on myself, focus on learning and growth, not let my mistakes and failure define me, take on new challenges and experience life. That will be my focus in July. Let’s see how this month treats me.

Quest to be best

“Knowing is not enough, we must apply. Willing is not enough, we must do.”

-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Day 14/30

I have been following the journey of a fitness influencer on Instagram and it makes me wonder if such people do exist in real life. She seems to be living a perfect life especially when it comes to leading a productive lifestyle. She was quiet overweight when she decided to take things into her own hands by starting her fitness journey. It’s been 4 years that she has been following it diligently and I’m in awe of her. She strives hard everyday to be the best version of herself. It has only been 2.5 years for me yet I’ve fumbled way too many times.

I don’t feel productive whenever I have issues with my mental health. I feel lethargic, lazy and end up whiling away my time doing nothing. This wonder woman works on her goals, ever day with the same determination she had when she started. This gives me hope that we can be consistent in our life. We just need to fight and win against the demons in our mind.

Working on things that don’t provide instant gratification can drain all of our energy. That’s the reason we fall off the wagon more often than we can imagine. We seek immediate reward always. Training the mind to delay gratification is the first and biggest step towards success. Finding a strong purpose will help you stick by your goals.

All things set aside, this wonder woman has inspired me work on myself, truly and faithfully. No excuses, no escapes, sheer hard work to become the best version of myself.

If any of you are intrigued by her story, please read her article below, it’s beyond inspirational.

https://iwillgetlean.medium.com/my-beginner-mindset-a77b02bcf4af

I have a strong desire to know myself in my best version. On a scale of 1-10 where 10 is my best version, I feel like I’m on 2 right now. The journey from 2 to 10 won’t be easy at all but the extremely fulfilling. I want to give it a shot. I did embark on this journey 2.5 years back but I’ve not been supremely focused and consistent about it. It’s high time I do that.

My ‘quest to be best’ begins right now!

Glow up

“Transform your world by transforming your internal state. Start by learning to let go of negative self judgment, and replace it with positive and loving thoughts about yourself. Be kind to yourself, and watch your external world change.”

–Anita Moorjani

Day 3/30

I was doing perfectly alright in my daily routine till I went on a vacation. I enjoyed so much on the vacation that I didn’t feel like coming back to the routine I had difficulty coping with. Ever since I’m back, I feel like a zombie. I am struggling to get back to my routine. I am reaching out to a lot of comfort (JUNK!) food to feel better. I feel better for a short while but it ends up making me feeling lethargic and bloated. Junk food does nothing for me and I really need to avoid it as much as I can.

I had a long weekend this week with plans of making full use of it. However, my mind and mood swings had other plans. I didn’t feel like doing anything except lying around and scrolling through Instagram and YouTube. Since I am a morning person, I feel positive and energized when the day begins. But I quickly lose all hope by the time evening sets in and my negative thought process takes over in the night. That’s exactly why I need to do something productive throughout the day to ward off those negative thoughts in the night.

I’ve been dealing with this thought process for a while. Working in a corporate office makes me feel trapped and restricted. I feel alive whenever I am not in office. That’s why even the thought of going back to office the next day squeezes out the last bit of energy from me. BUT, I’m tired of feeling like this. I know that I have complete control of my life and it’s my CHOICE to be in this position in life. No one is forcing me to do this. I work to be financially independent. I am not aware of an alternative option that would help me make the same kind of money that I make now (or more) and be passionate about it (never feel trapped in my life!). Till the time I discover this, I got to take charge of my life. I cannot be wasting precious years of my life, feeling BLAH all the time.

How do I do it? I have absolutely no idea so I have to discover my way of doing it. Starting tomorrow, I’ll make a list of 10 things that I want to change in my life and PUSH myself, every single time I slack, to work on it. That’s all I can do for now. Once I have a my goals in sight, I need to motivate myself to work on it. There will be times when I’ll feel like giving everything up and not do anything. That’s exactly what I have been doing ever since I have come back from my vacation. But that has been horrible for my mental health. My confidence and self esteem has taken a hit and I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I always feel much better when I take action, be productive and work on my goals. And that’s exactly what I’ll do, going ahead.

The glow up process begins, right now! I will share my experience (what worked, what didn’t) till I spend sufficient time doing at least (at least a month or two). Till then, huge shoutout to all the people who refuse to give up, no matter what life throws at them. You are the real superheroes in life!

Fitness Queen 2021

“If it doesn’t challenge you it doesn’t change you.”

-Fred Devito

In the last week of January, my running group mentor posted about an event called “Fitness Queen” in our group chat. I was quiet intrigued by the details of the event as this is the first time an event like this was supposed to take place in our town. Usually, my first reaction to any challenge is that of anxiety and fear. I am amongst the kind who dive headfirst into any new challenges and learn with the flow. I like to be prepared with everything I do in life. But this challenge was different. I have been working out for over 2 years now and this event was a perfect way to test my level of fitness. I signed up for it right away!

My running group mentor motivated all the women in our group to participate in this event. Her motive was to push us to participate and give our best for the event. She gave us the confidence to aim for a win and kept practice sessions to help us prepare for the event.

We had been given a wide range of exercise/workout types to prepare starting from basic ones such as jumping jacks, skipping, squats, crunches, burpees to difficult ones like pull ups, chin ups and pushups. When I saw the list, I was confident about most of the excercises except pushups, pull ups and chin ups. My arms had zero strenght when it comes to performing a push up and I have been struggling with it ever since I started working out.

The first training session with my running group was kept in the first week of February. It consisted mostly of cardio based activities which I’m comfortable with. My mentor then asked us to try push-ups amd I failed miserably. I couldn’t even perform 1 push-up. I was terribly upset and decided to work on my push up daily from that day onwards. I started with wall pushups and did it daily for over a week till I could safely perform an incline pushup. After a week, I still stumbled while performing a full push up! It was totally demotivating but I decided to keep going. I was happy with my improvement in a week and continued with my practice. The second training sessions consisted of skipping (which I am good at), yoga asanas and ladder drill. I was quiet comfortable with these but what came next shattered my confidence! We were asked to perform push ups (I could do 13 here with a bad posture though!). My incredible group members inspired me beyond measure by performing more than 25 perfect pushups! I was spellbound, I couldn’t believe what I saw! These super humans (who are married, with kids, who handle way too many responsibilies than me!) were INCREDIBLE at push ups! It doesn’t end here! We were asked to do planks next where I gave up afterb 2.20 mins (after a week’s practice!). Some of my superwomen, running group friends pushed through till 5 mins. That day I reaslied I have a LONG way to go in my fitness journey and was extremely motivated to practice harder thereon.

With a month’s practice, I saw good progress in below activities.

Skipping : From 150 skips o 570 skips at one go

Plank : From 1 min to my personal best record of 4 mins

Pushups : From zero to 20 in average form

27th February 2020 (Event day)

The event consisted of 2 rounds, prelimnary and final. I was decent in most of the activities which earned me good points (BMI, Hip to waist ratio, Forward Bend, Squats (47 in one minute), crunches (37 in one minute), shuttle run and sprint). I stumbled in Vrukshasan and lost 20 marks (Honestly, could have performed better in this one, I was negligent!).

I almost lost hope of advancing to the finals as everyone else had done a great job at Vrukshasan. From 17 participants, only 7 were selected to the finals. When they called out the name of finalists, my name didn’t come up in the first 6 slots. I was sad but still prayed to the Universe to grant me this one wish. I wanted to be in the finals! The 7th name was called out and as luck would have it, it was me! The Universe heard me out!

The final round was a circuit drill with started with a 10 step jumps, 1 round of ladder jumps, 10 jumping jacks, shuttle run to 4 different points, flipping a 10-20 kg tyre over a 20 metre stretch, duck jumps over a 20 metre stretch and finally ending with 10 squats!! (Phew!!) The top 3 quickest contestants would be declared as Winner, 1st and 2nd Runner’s up respectively.

I was totally drained after performing the circuit, I overestimated my strengh and underestimated the weight of the tyre. Everyone performed exceptionally well and I was back at my prayers to the Universe to help me win the beautiful trophy!

When the winners of my age category were announced, I waited with bated breath.

The Universe heard me out once again and I was placed 3rd (2nd Runner’s up) in my age category. I was estatic and absolutely delirious on winning the trophy (by now you would have come to know about my obsession with medals, trophies, any accolades for that matter!)

I came back from the event with memories that would last me a lifetime and being extremely happy with my decision to participate in it. I would have lost a great opportunity to challenge myself, work on my shortcomings, understand where I stand amongst my peers and last but not the least, have a great time had I done otherwise!

Moral of the story : Never shy away from trying. There’s nothing to lose, we either WIN or LEARN!

Monthly recap : February 2021

And it’s the end of second month of 2021 already. The first 2 weeks of this month went quiet well for me. I sort of had an intense argument with my mom in the 3rd week which adversely impacted my mental health thereon. Although we are past that argument, things aren’t back to normal yet. However, this month ended on a fantastic note in the form of my participation in an event. This was definitely one of the BEST decisions in my life and surely one of my biggest highlights this year. (More about this in my detailed blogpost soon.)

Mental health

• Meditated for 27/28 days. Although quantitatively this looks like a lot, qualitatively my meditation practice has been below average this month. On most days I could only complete a meditation session of 5 mins, there were days when I did a 3 min session too. However, the benefits of constantly practicing meditation have finally started to show. I’m able to handle stress and anxiety comparatively better than I used to, however, I still have a LONG way to go.
• Journaled/documented my day for 26/28 days. (I’ll be completing the the journal for last 2 days of February today). I’ve been quiet diligent at this activity and it has surely helped me in focusing my attention to the present moment.
• Practiced gratitude journaling for 15/28 days. There has been some improvement in this area. Initially I used to write about random things without feeling any real gratitude towards it. I did it for the sake of doing it. But in the last few days, I intentionally write about things that have actually made me feel happy and grateful for. This has definitely help create a more effective gratitude journaling practice.

Goals for March:- 20 min meditation everyday (maintain my streak on headspace app), practice journaling and gratitude journaling everyday. (Same as last month)

Personal Growth

This section is for a new skill or talent that I’ve acquired in this month, tried a new activity or thing that has pushed me out of my comfort zone.

• I participated in a Fitness Competition for women in my town. This event helped me rediscover my strenghts and weaknesses in a way I never imagined. I prepared for this event for the whole month of February and was suprised at the progress in my fitness level just with the help of consistent practice.

Goal for March :- Cross 500 followers on my blog before my birthday on 13th April

Workouts

My focus was on preparing for the fitness event due to which I had skipped many of my weekly HIIT sessions. I was lazy and skipped my running sessions too this month. Mediocre progress in this category as far as routine practice is concerned.

• 2 long runs in this month
• Participated in a running event where I stood 6th overall, Saw a dramatic improvement in my pace from 6.30/km to 5.19/km.
• HIIT workouts twice a week during the weekdays (ranging from 20 to 30 mins)

Goal for March:- Work on increasing strength, toning muscles and improving overall fitness. Lose body fat and have a toned body

Education

• Zero progress with CFA level 1 curriculum. Took an extended break as my exams have been deferred to July 2021
• Completed an online course on The Science of Well Being by Yale University on Coursera

Goal for March:- Complete first reading of pending 2 subjects of CFA and 2 online courses

Entertainment

• Completed reading 2 books, No Regrets: The Guilt-Free Woman’s Guide to a Good Life by Kaveree Bamzai and 21.1 Running Mistakes: And How to Fix Them for Peak Performance by Kapil Arora
• Completed 2 series, K-drama called Start Up and Indian series Mismatched

Goal for March:- As I have a 2 week leave from office this month starting next Monday, 5-5-2, complete 5 books, 5 movies and 2 series

March 2021, here I come!

Not that bad

“Having a friend at work will make you hate your job less.”

-Anonymous

I was very excited when I had just joined my current workplace. I was eager to work in a new environment, learn new things and have a fresh new start in my career. My excitement died down within a week of joining this place. I came to know that the only colleague in my team was on his notice period and I would be left all alone in my team after he left the organization. I’m not an extrovert by nature but I’m not a fan of boredom either. For almost 3 months, my weekday routine consisted of going to office, working alone at my desk, eating lunch along while scrolling through my phone, desperately waiting for the clock to strike 6 pm so that I could leave the workplace.

Things changed when a new joiner entered our department. Although she was part of a different team, we bonded well as we both were new comers in the organization. I finally had someone to talk to in office and no longer had to eat lunch alone. She is 7 years younger to me and comes from a completely different socio-economic background. There were many things we didn’t connect on but still enjoyed each other’s presence in the office. I always felt lonely and extremely bored when she was on leave from office. This made me wonder how things would work out when she planned to leave the organization to pursue further studies.

The dreaded thought became a reality last year when she quit the organization. I didn’t notice much of a difference until the end of December as my visits to office were sporadic, about twice a week. My office visits became regular 2 weeks back however things don’t seem as bad as I anticipated it to be. The Universe perfectly timed the entry of a new person in my life in the form of an old office colleague who I’ve rediscovered recently. She joined a year later than us and we both report to the same boss without being part of the same team. We shared a formal relationship earlier and never interacted much with each other. Our socio-economic backgrounds, thought process and outlook towards life has a lot of similarities and that helped us bond easily over the last few weeks. She has a treasure trove of stories filled with life experiences and I enjoy listening to them during the lunch time. I look forward to spending more time with her and relax my mind after a mentally stressful time at work.

This experience made me realize that we gain absolutely NOTHING by being ANXIOUS about the future. I spent way more time than I should, dreading the day my other colleague would quit the office and leave me all alone. When the time actually arrived, I was able to cope up without feeling depressed or upset about it. The Universe has it’s way of filling up the empty spaces in our life at the right time! Makes me wonder when it’s time for me to meet “THE ONE” as I feel that’s one feeling/experience I’ve been deprived of all my life. I’m starting to sound like Ted Mosby from the show “How I Met Your Mother“. Well, IT IS WHAT IT IS! There are days when I don’t think about it at all and then there are days when the questions in my mind just won’t stop. I’m sure the Universe has the absolute best in store for me (doesn’t hurt to think positive right?) and wants me to wait for the right time. I can only pray and hope that the right time (and person) arrives soon!

Earned vacation

Almost everyone who knows me or the one’s who I have met recently are aware of the fact that I have an exam coming up in February (specifically February 21st, 2021). It’s Level 1 exam of the Chartered Financial Analyst program which was initially scheduled to take place in June 2020. The exam has been postponed twice already (from June to December 2020 and finally settling on February 2021). Ever since I have registered for this exam, my anxious mind tricks me into believing that I should be studying instead of doing anything leisurely -_-. After procrastinating on it for a dangerous amount of time, I finally got around to start study diligently as the exam date drew nearer. More than the exam, I’m excited about all the time I’ll have on hand after the exam ends which will be EARNED and totally GUILT FREE.

I’ve prepared a Netflix list of all the movies and shows I’ll drown myself in after the exams. I’ve made plans to meet my friends, go for a trip and every other thing that sounds remotely fun is automatically added to this list. This is what’s motivating me currently to study. I don’t know why I feel the need to earn my leisure time by working hard for it. Nothing can beat the bliss of stress free, guilt free, leisure time that we get post a stressful event, according to me.

Yesterday I got a mail from the CFA institute which essentially meant that there is a chance for the exam to be postponed, yet again! Instead of jumping with joy, my heart sank to the floor. I’m really looking forward to give the exam and start living a normal, “not having the stress of an impending exam loom over my mind 24*7” life! My mind is back to it’s anxious tricks and is forcing me to google “Is CFA Level 1 February 2021 exam postponed/cancelled?” every other minute knowing very well that the answer to this question can only be given by the CFA institute. The mail sent by CFA institute states that they will let us know the final decision by February 2nd. That’s almost 20 days away!

Since I have no other alternative anyways, I’m planning on continuing with my studies, possibly in a more serious and dedicated manner. I’m channeling all my energy to give my BEST EFFORT for this exam and pray that it takes place on 21st February. Heck, I’m even ready to make a manifestation circle for it, no matter how ridiculous it sounds!

Desperate times calls for desperate measures! 😀

Since I feel much better now after venting my anxious thoughts here, I’ll go back to studying and hope that the exam takes place as scheduled!

Live now, think later

“Nothing is permanent in this wicked world — not even our troubles.“

–Charlie Chaplin

Finally I got around to write my first post in the new year. I tried drafting this post multiple times this week but owing to my daily office schedule, I wasn’t successful in completing it. It’s finally weekend and I have all the time in the world to publish my first post ofm2021. Is it just me or 2021 feels a lot more hopeful than the year that just went by? Things have started on a positive note and I feel quiet motivated to work towards my goals this year. I struggled with lot of anxiety during the last week of 2020. No matter how I thought about it, my future self seemed unfulfilled and unhappy. These thoughts weighed heavily on my present self and I couldn’t concentrate on the bright side of my life.

With the dawn of the new year, I am trying my level best to build a powerful routine and stick by it. I read an article by one of the members of my favorite band, my lifeline, BTS Kim Taehyung aka “V”. He talked about dealing with depression and his thoughts during this tough phase of his life. Although on the outset, it feels like he is living his dream life, he was still unhappy. He started disassociating himself from his persona, he didn’t derive fulfilment from work that was the source of his happiness before, he was confused as to why he felt this way when everything was going great. The way he got out of this mental turmoil was by jotting down his thoughts about it and he ended up writing and co-producing the song “Blue & Grey“. This gave him a great sense of accomplishment and helped him overcome his depressed thoughts to some extent.

Last week I decided to take the help of a therapist to gain clarity on my mental health issues. The first therapist I talked to told me I need medication to increase the level of serotonin in my brain (short cut much!). I don’t want any dependency on medicines to feel happy so thought of talking to another one. The second one was far more sensible and probably a better listener. She didn’t tell me anything “out of the box” yet I felt much better after the call. She gave me homework in the form of 2 lists, one list of all the things that are under my control in the present and second one of things that made me happy and think about ways to create a career out of it (learn new skills, research on the subject etc.) I’m yet to complete my homework but I still feel a lot better by each day after the call. I guess I just needed an intervention, someone to talk to, someone who listened to my thoughts without any judgement.

This week was crazy hectic! I went to office on all days yet managed to find time out to do things that make me truly happy, 5 mins meditation, 15 mins workout, writing in my journal and studying for my exams. My anxiety has been in check for this week. As BTS V mentioned he felt better after writing his song, it was a big accomplishment for him. This statement hit me hard, the best way to beat anxiety is to “take action” and accomplish a task, no matter how tiny it is. When we are anxious and depressed, we lose interest and confidence to do anything in life, be it old or new. Pushing ourselves to take action is the best way to beat the blues.

The most important goal that I’m forcing myself to stick to is to “take each day as it comes“. Concentrate completely on the day on hand, live each day in the best possible manner, document it, give it importance and focus only on that day. This takes our anxiety off the past or future and diverts the mind’s attention to the present moment. This is helping me as of now. I will share my goals for 2021 soon, looking forward to a happy 2021!

Being selfless towards the selfish

“Man is not, by nature, deserving of all that he wants. When we think that we are automatically entitled to something, that is when we start walking all over others to get it.

–Criss Jami

Joey once said in an episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S., “There is no such thing as a selfless good deed“. But what about certain things/acts that doesn’t make you happy yet you are obliged to do so. Being selfless is one of the biggest virtues of humankind. To keep other’s wishes/happiness before your own can be difficult and extremely exhausting, especially when you don’t want to do it. What’s the way out in such situations? I have absolutely no clue as I am struggling to find it myself.

As a child, I am aware my responsibilities towards my parents. However, when most of your childhood memories consists of irresponsible behavior, disruptive daily life, lack of communication, unapproachable attitude, you tend to drift away from the source of this negativity. You do not want to associate yourself with such a person who has caused you a lot of pain and trauma while growing up. All you now seek is peace of mind and the right to be heard, be it your opinions or choices. However, some people can be extremely overbearing with their demands. They force their inabilities onto others without thinking of how it would make the other person feel. The other person might literally be having a mental breakdown but in order to do the task, they will be reminded about their moral obligations and that does the trick.

Since there is no way out, you discharge your moral responsibilities, time and again. But what’s in it for you? It doesn’t make you happy at all, on the other hand, it’s a constant source of stress and frustration for you. So that’s ruled out. You accumulate good karma and will be rewarded by the Universe in the near future. These things sound very hopeful but in the present moment, all you can think about is a way to end this misery.

So contradictory to Joey’s popular statement, selfless good deeds absolutely exist and it makes the doer feel horrible. I don’t wish for anything else, I only want peace and happiness in my life. Since there is no concrete solution to this issue and trying to put some sense to the source of this frustration is pointless, it is better to accept our fate and discharge our responsibilities with utmost sincerity. Resisting it, fighting it and avoiding it has been unsuccessful every single time. It’s time to leave our worries to the Universe and only concentrate on things that make us happy.