Ironical situation

#90/100

“Nothing is better than having a great friend to work with, so you can vent to each other to make the day go faster.”

-Anonymous

I am a shy and introverted person by nature. I have tried and engaged myself in limited social interactions throughout my life. I have a close knit group of friends who know me best and put up with my absence or lack of prompt replies. I am really grateful to them though it can get really annoying at times. I’m trying to be better at keeping in touch with my loved ones.

However, when it comes to my workplace, social isolation is my biggest fear. I start out slow as always, but end up making some great connections at work who teach me new things, motivate me to do better, make me laugh and in general help keep my happiness at a soaring high level at my workplace. I don’t have a team in my current organisation which means I had absolutely no one to talk when I started working at this place. The first 3 months were painfully slow and boring. I wouldn’t lie if I said that I used to count every single minute till the end of each and every day in office. Slowly I made few friends at office who made me lose track of time which was all I wanted at that time!

When I rejoined office after the lock down this year in June, I was worried because my closest office colleague hadn’t joined back. But I still had the colleagues who sat around my office bay area to keep me company. My colleague who sits across my desk has been a constant support throughout my running journey. He kept motivating me to sign up for a half marathon with him and it’s safe to give him all the credit for my first successful half marathon attempt this year.

Yesterday, I came to know that the entire bay across me have shifted their desks to a new location. To term this event heartbreaking is an understatement. I’ve been left all alone at my desk again. Life at this workplace has come a full circle for me as the situation has reverted exactly back to my initial period at this place. I have no one but my work to keep me company now. I know that I can visit them at their new location, but the situation is different than sharing the same office bay and having them around throughout the day.

This looks like the biggest sign from the Universe nudging me to make genuine efforts in finding a new job. I will try my best to overcome my anxiety related to situational changes and the accompanying procrastination so that I can find a job that makes me feel fulfilled and happy. It’s time to move on!

L.O.N.E.R.

I’ve always been a shy, introverted kid. I never really wanted to have a big group of bff’s to share my life with. I’ve always loved my own personal space. Being on my own, with my thoughts used to be my favourite passtime. I could never really grow out of it.

However, as years passed by, I’ve turned into this person who needs soemeone around. I constantly check my messages to find something interesting. I keep flipping my phone to come accross something that can kill my boredom. I watch movies and series as much as I can. I try to spend time with my younger sister as much as possible. But, if there is any change in this routine (like yesterday when my sister was busy with something and needed the laptop), I almost died of inactivity.

Of late I’ve been feeling a lack of enthusiasm, lack of purpose in my life. I really have no clue why I have this feeling. But, it’s something I cannot hide away from.

Ironically, I hate getting up in the mornings, being a morning person! I thought deeply about this today and realised I do not seem to look forward to the mornings anymore. In fact, there is nothing to be excited about anyday as a matter of fact. I do not have any long term or short term goals. My future seems hazy! And no, I’m not sad or depressed!

I just lack focus! I’m unenthusiatic and unmotivated! I’ve recently joined a workplace where everyone seems super energetic and motivated and it has had an adverse effect on me. Instead of being inspired by them, I’ve started questioning my own life’s decisions!

While in school, I had my studies to look forward to, I wanted to top the class.

Come college, I wanted to do well in my 12th boards!

Degree college bought with it my identity, Charetered Accountancy course which I wanted to excel in!

Now, everything is done and dusted! I am a C.A., have a stable job, my regular set of friends who are quiet busy with their lives! There is nothing exciting about my life anymore!

I want to feel alive again! But I’m completely clueless about how to go about it.

There is one thing I’ve been delaying for a very long time. I’ll wake up early and go on a run tomorrow onwards! Let’s see how that turns out!

I really want to fall in love with my life! I’ll try to make an honest effort to achieve just that!

Wish me luck!