Hope is all we have

“Hope can be a powerful force. Maybe there’s no actual magic in it, but when you know what you hope for most and hold it like a light within you, you can make things happen, almost like magic.”

-Laini Taylor

I didn’t have a very comfortable life as a child. We had many financial and household issues to deal with. Everyday was a struggle for us, especially my mom. However, if I were to compare my mental strength back then to now, I was way more happy, hopeful and positive in the past. I refrained from overthinking every single aspect of my life, I was hopeful and positive of a bright future, I knew things would turn out in our favour sooner or later. I had something to look forward to, I had a lot of goals for my future, the future seemed like a happy dream that I was eager to convert to reality.

Things did work out in our favour. Most of my childhood goals have been accomplished (from earning a degree, getting a stable job, fulfilling the basic materialistic goals such as buying a branded cell phone to fancy clothes to renovating my house). Life should be amazing, I should be happy, I shouldn’t have anything to crib about anymore. Well that’s the issue, why does all of this still seem difficult? Why do we forget everything that has worked for us and always focus on the things that we don’t have? Why does my mind have to overthink every single moment of my life and present me with situations that always seem unfavorable and scary? I was never this confused during my childhood when we had very few reasons to be happy or grateful for. But now when I have a zillion things to be happy about, my mind keeps redirecting me to that one thing that I don’t have or that one goal I might never achieve!

I had problems back in my childhood as well. But I was hopeful of a happy future and that dream kept me alive. It gave me the energy to fight the devils of my mind and just focus on the task at hand. As I grew up and came across more failures in life, my hopeful nature lost it’s sheen and my mind started storing and reliving the real life experiences of feeling lost, disappointed, hurt and scared. Because of this I’ve reached at a phase in life where every new decision causes my mind to relive all the pain and trauma I’ve experienced in the past. Thus, I’m unable to think straight, hope for a bright future, work towards a goal or simply be happy without overthinking any aspect of my life.

Overthinking sucks big time. It makes every simple decision of my life into a life or death situation. It completely drains my energy and distorts my ability to think straight. I know happiness is not a destination but a life long journey. A single event or goal in our life doesn’t have the ability to keep us happy forever. It’s a daily process, a life long effort and developing a hopeful attitude towards life.

I might have mentioned this many times before but I need to reiterate it to myself as I’ve lost my track and fallen deep into the black hole of overthinking. It has drained me and is now clouding my judgement. It isn’t allowing me to enjoy a single moment of peace and happiness without thinking twice about it. Few minor changes that I’m planning to make henceforth to avoid my mind to take control of my life.

• Practice being in the present : Focus only on the present moment
• Focus on what I have control over : Ignore what we can’t change, work on things we can control
• Write down your thoughts when it gets overwhelming : Maintain a daily journal
• Figure out solutions than mulling over problems : Think about all the possible way out and how it can be effective in solving the problem
• Become a person of action : Especially in making simple decisions, take decisions right away rather than pondering over it indefinitely.

I’ll share my thoughts and experiences on the effect of making these simple changes in my life soon. Till then, let’s be happy and focus on living our life to the fullest!

Monthly recap : May 2021

It’s the end of May and I feel kind off empty. I spent quality time with my family, watched shows with my sister and managed to maintain a good workout streak throughout the month. However, I always feel bad when good things come to an end. I don’t know what June holds for me but the only wish I have is to have mental peace. I remember having a great time at my vacation in March this year. I enjoyed every second of it and was the happiest I have been in a long while. I wish I could be that happy my entire life. I wish I could learn the secret to be happy forever.

Mental health

• Meditated for 17/31 days. I wasn’t able to meditate easily this month. I had to force myself each day and was extremely distracted during the time that I meditated. I broke my streak on 23rd May and didn’t feel like starting back again.
• Journaled/documented my day for 0 days. I pushed myself to write on some days but quit after writing a single line.
• Practiced gratitude journaling for 0 days. I didn’t write it down but before sleeping I tried to recollect 3 good things that happened during the day and be thankful for it on most of the days this month.

Personal Growth

This section is for a new skill or talent that I’ve acquired in this month, tried a new activity or thing that has pushed me out of my comfort zone.

• I read 120 pages of a book in about 3 hrs. The book was super engaging and I completely lost myself in it. There was a power cut in our area because of cyclone tauktae so I had nothing else to do than read. (Book : Atomic Habits by James Clear)

Workouts

• 1 long run in this month. 8.07 kms indoors within the confines of my small room at home.
• Completed the 28 day SuperHIIT series by Tanvi Parikh. I am extremely proud of myself for completing this challenge and maintaining a 28 day continuous workout streak. This has been my highlight for this month.

Education

• Zero progress with CFA level 1 curriculum.
• Zero online courses completed in May

Entertainment

• Completed reading 0 books (More than halfway through 2 books.)
• Watched 2 amazing K-dramas this month that I loved. Crash landing on you and School 2017. K-dramas have the power to transfer me to a whole new world filled with love, warmth and innocence. It reminds me of my childhood when I was optimistic, happy go lucky and extremely hopeful in life.

May you have been amazing. June…..Please be good!

Thankful, Grateful

Day 29/30

And it’s almost time to end the April writing challenge. I have one more day to go but that’s fixed for my monthly recap so this is final write up. April is my most favorite month of the year as it’s my birth month. I started off 2021 with immense positivity and hope and promised to carry it throughout the year. This month really tested my patience and anxiety levels. I’m trying to fight it with whatever means I can. This month has been my least productive month of all. You might think of me as someone who obsesses over productivity and progress all the time. I don’t know why I’m wired this way, being productive gives a huge boost to my energy levels and instantly makes me happy.

I’ve written for 29 days in row and am really grateful for all the experiences, thoughts, emotions I had while writing my daily posts throughout this month. It has been a long month and I have spent most time of this month slacking. I’d still not bash myself for it. It’s been a tough month mentally and I’m taking my own sweet time to come to terms with it. I do want to get past this slump soon and get back on track. Because having a powerful routine and following it to the tee truly makes me happy. That’s the fact of my life and I need to embrace it.

Thankful for all my blogger friends who took time out to read and comment on my posts. It means a LOT. It encouraged me to post on days when I absolutely didn’t want to. You helped me keep going and now I have a month long blogging streak to my credit. This feels incredible.

One day left in April that I need to utilize well to prepare for a new month and all my goals attached to it. Let’s make the best of it.

Slowly but surely

“Positive anything is better than negative nothing.”

–Elbert Hubbard

Day 25/30

A pessimistic attitude towards life can suck the energy out of you. Our life is built on hope and in it’s absence we will feel absolutely unsettled. Given the current scenario, it is very easy to go off track and feel helpless. We might feel like we have lost control over our life. Our brain can easily spiral into the wrong direction and give us all the possible reasons to be unhappy.

Our time is limited on this planet, every single second is precious. While it’s practically impossible to make every moment count, we can try and train our mind to see the good in every situation. We can strive hard to live in the moment, write down every thing that we have been procrastinating on for a long time and tick off the checklist one by one, buy those things that have been lying in your wish list since forever, reconnect with old friends, watch a feel good movie. In general, use your time on things that make you happy.

The last 2 days have been emotionally harrowing. Two of my closest extended family members are dealing with this deadly virus. I’m praying that they get well soon and come back home hale and hearty. This situation has forced me to think about how I spend my time stressing over things that never take place, being anxious about my past and future alike, not being satisfied with the way I live my life and treating happiness like an expensive commodity. I do end up allocating a huge chunk of my time in life on things that aren’t fruitful or don’t make me happy. I tend to consistently worry about the implications of my current decisions on my future life and stress about not being able to make the most of my life. Well guess what, even after stressing about all of this day in and day out, I haven’t made any progress on figuring out the perfect manner of living a fulfilled life. It’s high time I stop caring about this and start channeling all my focus on the present moment alone.

Going to make it my life’s motto to live by this rule.

“Be happy in the moment, that’s enough. Each moment is all we need, not more.” 

— Mother Teresa

It’s getting scary

“Fears are nothing more than a state of mind.”

–Napoleon Hill

Day 24/30

The covid-19 situation in India is getting scarier by the day. People are struggling to get beds in hospitals, medicines aren’t easily available, test results are taking longer than 2 days, the health care system has broken down, the number of active cases has reached it’s peak, the number of daily cases have crossed all time high. In short, the situation is murky and it’s getting worse by the day.

I don’t want to play the blame game here and try to find out what went wrong. It’s not one single person’s fault. Right now, the situation is so bad that we don’t know how long it’ll take for this dark phase to end. In the last week alone, I must have heard a new case in my contacts (friends and extended family) for every single day of the week. Covid has hit way too close to our home and we are scrambling for safety.

My aunt had been hospitalized because of covid about 12 days back. Initially we were told that she had a mild infection and was stable. As days passed by, her condition started deteriorating. Yesterday, my cousin messaged me saying that she is critical. A shiver ran down my spine, I did not expect this. Most of the cases that I’ve heard till now had a positive recovery rate. I was hoping that it would be the same with my aunt. I took life and the current scenario for granted. I was sure that it would be a mild infection and she’ll be back home soon. Yesterday’s news broke me completely. I am scared. Hoping against hope that she’ll be back hale and hearty soon.

Please don’t take anything in life for granted. We need to be grateful for everything that we have in life. Our time on this planet is limited and very precious. Respond to that message, take that call, listen to those stories, forgive and forget, move past those grudges, don’t let anger and ego ruin any relationship, make time for your loved ones.

Praying that the situation gets better, praying that my aunt gets better.

Please take care of yourself and your loved ones. Eat healthy food, workout, take care of your mental health, wear a mask, stay safe. We are not bigger than this virus.

Pat your back

“It takes strength to be proud of yourself and to accept yourself when you know that you have something out of the ordinary about you.”

–Abigail Tarttelin

Day 23/30

I gave a job interview today and it was brutal. The interviewer asked me some really tricky technical questions which I’m sure I gave inadequate answers to. In a normal scenario, I would have been really tough on myself, felt really embarrassed and indulged in negative self talk till I would break down.

Not today.

I feel proud of myself for attempting to give this interview while fighting my fears and anxiety about it. I feel proud of myself for trying very hard and giving my utmost best throughout the difficult session. I feel proud of myself for taking action and doing things that scare me the most.

I’m always hard on myself but I don’t want to do that this time. I absolutely cannot change the past. This interview has widened my thinking capability and has been an incredible learning experience. That certainly can’t be counted as a loss.

Instead of being your worst enemy, try and become your best friend today. The outcome of any situation in life cannot be predicted but you can align your thoughts to be more helpful and positive. And I’m training my mind to do just that. To see the good in every situation and take everything as a learning experience.

Be proud of yourself and pat your back, for a change!

Move on

“You must make a decision that you are going to move on. It wont happen automatically. You will have to rise up and say, ’I don’t care how hard this is, I don’t care how disappointed I am, I’m not going to let this get the best of me. I’m moving on with my life.”

– Joel Osteen

Day 22/30

I woke up today feeling irritated and frustrated. In the past couple of months, I have gone through 2 specific incidents with regards to my career and personal life that haven’t panned out in the way I want. You wait for a long time for things to work out your way, to encounter something that lights your soul, to experience something that sparks joy. After an excruciatingly long wait, the Universe decided to give me a glimpse of those things. Everything looked perfect on the face of it, it looked like my wishes have been answered, finally! But, turns out it was just a sample or in technical terms, a trial version. The outcome of these experiences are inconclusive. While I’m waiting for the end to be positive, somehow my mind keeps saying that it might not be so.

I’m frustrated but I’m done being frustrated. I’m done feeling like this. I’m done allowing rejections of any kind, to get the best of me. I don’t want to get into that phase of life where nothing and no one make sense anymore. Where I keep blaming my stars for everything wrong that’s happened in my life. Where I stop being grateful about the good things in my life and only concentrate on the ones that didn’t turn out as per my wish. I’m done.

While I’m horrible at the art of moving on, I want to fight back these negative feelings till the last ounce of mental strength and energy. How am I planning to do it? By taking care of myself and showing up for myself, each day, every day.

“With every act of self-care your authentic self gets stronger, and the critical, fearful mind gets weaker. Every act of self-care is a powerful declaration: I am on my side, I am on my side, each day I am more and more on my own side.”

– Susan Weiss Berry

There are many different ways in which one can indulge in self care activities throughout the day. Don’t be fooled by the name “self care”. Though these activities are meant to make you feel better, most of us will easily trade it with lying around and doing nothing. These activities require you to “take action” which is easily one of the most difficult tasks to do when we feel under the weather.

Here’s a list of random self care activities that one can choose from. I won’t make big promises and write down huge self care goals. I’d rather follow them for sometime and share my experience after a month or so. I wish you a happy and healthy state of mind. You deserve the best, you deserve to be happy!

What’s my why?

“He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.”

–James Allen

Day 21/30

When it comes to my career, my motivation to get a new job has never been an advancement in my career. My initial jobs were the ones I desperately sought to earn money. The financial conditions of my family was terrible and I didn’t know better than to get a job. I found one but the job description or company didn’t light up my soul. I cried on my way to office on the second day of my new job as I didn’t like anything about that place. I had to continue because of various reasons but quit after 4 years after I got my current job. My current job is great when it comes to work life balance but I’ve felt stagnant here ever since I’ve joined. There has been no growth whatsoever and I feel trapped here, every single day.

I have been randomly applying to a lot of jobs these days so that I get an opportunity. But the process hasn’t led any results as I was unclear about my “Why?”, the real purpose behind getting a job. This time it’s different. As my family’s financial situation is quiet stable now and I don’t seek shorter working hours anymore, my focus is on learning. I really wish to challenge myself a little, learn new things, motivate my own self.

If your “Why” is intact, you’ll be able to clear through all hurdles along the way. If you have your “why” clear in mind, nothing and no one will stop you from working on to become the best version of yourself.

It’s time for me to introspect, figure out my “Why” and schedule all my activities and tasks to achieve that goal. The Universe will forever be in your favor, if you do this. Trust the process.

A ray of hope

“Someday all you will have to light your way will be a single ray of hope and that will be enough.”

–Kobi Yamada

Day 19/30

Something really good happened today. I can’t give details yet as the process hasn’t been completed yet. I don’t know the outcome yet. I gave my best but I know I was lacking in a lot of different aspects. Honestly, this has been my best experience till date for this process which I have always dreaded. I’m glad I was able to experience it. I really hope and pray that the outcome of this process is positive. For once I took on a challenge thinking of it as a win or learn opportunity and it honestly felt great. I’m really grateful that I got this opportunity. I will share details once the outcome is evident.

On a completely different note, have you ever encountered something that perfectly fits wish? For example, you’ve been waiting to have a certain dish which you have only fantasied about, dreamed of trying it, scrolled through videos of people enjoying the dish and craved to try it one fine day. Imagine your utter disappointment when you finally get a chance to try that dish and realize that it doesn’t taste the way you imagined it to be. You had great hopes of having the experience of a lifetime and you get a BIG FAT DISAPPOINTMENT in return. It’s physically painful. This is just a metaphor for the experience I’ve had recently. I had great hopes from a certain something, the description matched my dream wish list to the tee, everything seemed perfect till I “tried the dish“. Argh, what a big disappointment. I feel so sad that my expectation of having the experience of a lifetime was shattered, just like that! I’m exasperated!

To bring some cheer and hope to my and your life, let me share this amazing thought that I came across recently. It sure did help me feel a lot more powerful and in control of my life. I hope it helps you too. This applies to either gender.

Deconstruct to reconstruct

“Every day, you reinvent yourself. You’re always in motion. But you decide every day: forward or backward.”

—James Altucher

Day 18/30

Sometimes you just burnout. Your daily routine doesn’t seem fruitful anymore. You get upset by the end of the day because of your procrastination on important tasks throughout the day. You feel lost, demotivated and desperately seek a fresh start. You write down a to-do list for next day, it consists of everything that you wish you would do but you’ve never attempted it even once in your whole life. Like waking up at 5 am (when your usual timing is 8 am), reading 50 pages of a book (usual count 0), workout for 30 mins (usual count 0) so on and so forth. You get the point. Things don’t exactly transpire the way you’d wish for the next day and thus begins the endless loop of self pity and unproductivity. How do you get out of it? Let me lay down small tips that might help!

• Deconstruct your day : Find out 3 key tasks from your daily routine that you’d wish to change. It can be very simple tasks like drinking 1 liter water or reading 10 pages of a book.

• Reconstruct it step by step : If you are habituated to have a bath in the evening, try having it in the morning the next day. Skip junk food for a day. Make it very simple and short and challenge yourself you attempt just these 3 tasks the next day. Since the tasks are simple, attempting them shouldn’t seem too difficult. Once you accomplish them, you’d have the confidence to increase the level of these targets the next day. Take each day as it comes. Don’t try to become wonderwoman the very next day!

• Convert your mind into a trainer : You know those taskmasters in the gym who set your goals, motivate you to achieve them every single day, envision your long term targets, keep a tab on your progress and make sure you succeed! You have an in house trainer that wouldn’t cost you a dime, YOUR MIND! I know this works since I’ve tried it before. Our mind has 2 voices, one always recommends the easy way out (the procrastinator), the other motivates you to chose the right path (the taskmaster). Try to concentrate on your mind’s chatter for a day. Your mind always gives you 2 choices. Your intuition always knows what’s right for that moment but there’s another voice which makes your procrastinate everything and choose the lazy route out. Force yourself to listen to the taskmaster at least 3 out of 5 times and you’ll be sorted.

That’s it for now. These are very simple and basic steps that has the power to change your lifestyle, slowly and steadily. A big change in our life might not take overnight but we can make sure to change our life, one brick at a time.