Monthly recap : February 2021

And it’s the end of second month of 2021 already. The first 2 weeks of this month went quiet well for me. I sort of had an intense argument with my mom in the 3rd week which adversely impacted my mental health thereon. Although we are past that argument, things aren’t back to normal yet. However, this month ended on a fantastic note in the form of my participation in an event. This was definitely one of the BEST decisions in my life and surely one of my biggest highlights this year. (More about this in my detailed blogpost soon.)

Mental health

• Meditated for 27/28 days. Although quantitatively this looks like a lot, qualitatively my meditation practice has been below average this month. On most days I could only complete a meditation session of 5 mins, there were days when I did a 3 min session too. However, the benefits of constantly practicing meditation have finally started to show. I’m able to handle stress and anxiety comparatively better than I used to, however, I still have a LONG way to go.
• Journaled/documented my day for 26/28 days. (I’ll be completing the the journal for last 2 days of February today). I’ve been quiet diligent at this activity and it has surely helped me in focusing my attention to the present moment.
• Practiced gratitude journaling for 15/28 days. There has been some improvement in this area. Initially I used to write about random things without feeling any real gratitude towards it. I did it for the sake of doing it. But in the last few days, I intentionally write about things that have actually made me feel happy and grateful for. This has definitely help create a more effective gratitude journaling practice.

Goals for March:- 20 min meditation everyday (maintain my streak on headspace app), practice journaling and gratitude journaling everyday. (Same as last month)

Personal Growth

This section is for a new skill or talent that I’ve acquired in this month, tried a new activity or thing that has pushed me out of my comfort zone.

• I participated in a Fitness Competition for women in my town. This event helped me rediscover my strenghts and weaknesses in a way I never imagined. I prepared for this event for the whole month of February and was suprised at the progress in my fitness level just with the help of consistent practice.

Goal for March :- Cross 500 followers on my blog before my birthday on 13th April

Workouts

My focus was on preparing for the fitness event due to which I had skipped many of my weekly HIIT sessions. I was lazy and skipped my running sessions too this month. Mediocre progress in this category as far as routine practice is concerned.

• 2 long runs in this month
• Participated in a running event where I stood 6th overall, Saw a dramatic improvement in my pace from 6.30/km to 5.19/km.
• HIIT workouts twice a week during the weekdays (ranging from 20 to 30 mins)

Goal for March:- Work on increasing strength, toning muscles and improving overall fitness. Lose body fat and have a toned body

Education

• Zero progress with CFA level 1 curriculum. Took an extended break as my exams have been deferred to July 2021
• Completed an online course on The Science of Well Being by Yale University on Coursera

Goal for March:- Complete first reading of pending 2 subjects of CFA and 2 online courses

Entertainment

• Completed reading 2 books, No Regrets: The Guilt-Free Woman’s Guide to a Good Life by Kaveree Bamzai and 21.1 Running Mistakes: And How to Fix Them for Peak Performance by Kapil Arora
• Completed 2 series, K-drama called Start Up and Indian series Mismatched

Goal for March:- As I have a 2 week leave from office this month starting next Monday, 5-5-2, complete 5 books, 5 movies and 2 series

March 2021, here I come!

Good old days

“The end of labor is to gain leisure.”

-Aristotle

About 3 years back, I bought a book called “Word Power Made Easy” with the intention of improving my vocabulary in English language. It was a thick bright red book loaded with information that I desperately wanted to read. Everyday, I came back home tired from work and the moment I lay my eyes on the book, my mind convinced me to push the task to next day. The weekends were spent meeting friends, going out or doing absolutely nothing on most days as I was worn out during the weekday. One fine day, I thought to myself, “Enough is enough!I I’ll carry this book with me to work and read it whenever I find time!”. That’s how the book found it’s space in my office bag. I diligently carried it to work with the intention of reading it during the office commute. But that day never came. The only progress I made with the book were a few pages in the beginning. Other than that it ended up increasing the weight of my office bag. I had to remove it from my bag eventually and place it back on my bookshelf, where it lay gathering dust on it’s cover.

Last year as soon as the lock down was announced and I started working from home, I decided to do something everyday that wouldn’t have been possible due to the usual office routine. That’s when I was reunited with this book. I did one session everyday throughout the lock down. It gave me immense pleasure to learn about the origins of each word in the English language as read the book each day with the curiosity of a child. I stopped the practice as soon as I was called back to work. I could have still continued it, as it barely took 30 mins of my daily time but I discontinued it as now my mind was filled with anxiety about office work, commute, future and every other thing under the sun.

Yesterday, I saw the book again and couldn’t help but feel nostalgic about the endless free time I had during the lock down. I ended up doing a session even after the hectic day at work. During the lock down, I didn’t have to wake up early just because I had a train to board to office, I had my breakfast in peace rather than quickly gulping a glass of milk before I rushed out of my home as I was running late for work, I didn’t have to worry about not getting a seat in the train, I could take mini breaks from work whenever I wanted and could watch shows or read a book just to break the monotony. Aah, I could go on. I felt like a free bird during away from office during the lock down. Now I feel trapped by the force of routine life that I’m required to follow each day! Isn’t our career supposed to give us an identity, make us financially independent and make us happy? I have achieved the first two milestones long back but I’m yet to find a way to make my career a source of my happiness!

Is silence really golden?

“Never dull your shine for somebody else.” 

–Tyra Banks

We’ve heard of this phrase innumerable times during our childhood especially from our teachers. “Silence is golden“, it’s better to be silent than to say something that would harm others or have a negative impact on them. Agreed. Recently I came across a situation where this phrase doesn’t stand right at all.

I met someone few days back who left a very confusing impression on me. When you meet a new person, you either have a good impression or a bad impression. Here, I failed to figure out this person, even a tiny bit, after spending almost half an hour with them. I know half an hour is too short a time frame to understand someone. But the purpose of this meeting was to know each other better and the other person refused to come out of their shell.

What would you think of a person who has no likes or dislikes, no interests or passion, no hobbies whatsoever. We could conclude that they are comfortable with all aspects of their life, just the way it is. I’d be relieved if this is the actual situation. Till I met this person, I truly believed every human being has at least one thing that they truly care about, something that lights up their eyes or just simply makes them happy. This person had nothing! The flip side to this situation is a scenario I’m scared of. This person’s voice could have been suppressed from a young age, told specifically what’s good or bad for them, not allowed to make any mistakes, not allowed to choose the path of their liking, in short, people around him could have controlled all major decisions of their life to the extent that they never had the freedom to explore their identity!

My thoughts did run haywire here but that’s the impact of silence expressed by this one person in my life who I barely knew! I always try to clearly express my views than to leave someone confused or hanging. Don’t be scared to own your personality and be unwavered by people’s views about you. Fear of other people’s judgement kills more dreams than any external factor.

BE UNABASHEDLY YOU!

12 goals for 2021

My goals are usually very descriptive and never ending. I love writing down goals and I’m curious to experience life in general. Although I’m tempted to write down every goal in the book each year, I’ve decided to stick to 12 most important ones this time. I’m jotting down these goals here as my wish list for the Universe. It’ll be great fun to revisit them at the end of the year and figure out how many goals I managed to accomplish.

1. Travel to South Korea and attend BTS concert live
2. Clear Chartered Financial Analyst^® (CFA^®) level 1 exam (scheduled on 21st February), earn a scholarship for Level 2 exam
3. Run 10 kms under 60 minutes and half marathon under 2 hrs 15 minutes
4. Meet my other half (Dripped in cheese, I know. The wait has been excruciatingly long!)
5. Lose body fat, gain muscle definition (will define this in absolute terms once I check my current measurements)
6. Read 50 books and watch 50 shows/movies
7. Join the 5 am club (wake up at 5 am everyday)
8. Help mom lose weight (10 kgs) and become the fittest version of herself
9. Complete 12 online courses
10. Cross the 500 articles and 1000 followers mark on my blog, The Supermode.
11. Speak, read and write fluent Korean
12. A 50% increase in my current pay scale, upgrade in my designation at work (through my current job or a new one)

That’s it and I’m all pumped for 2021!

Ironical situation

#90/100

“Nothing is better than having a great friend to work with, so you can vent to each other to make the day go faster.”

-Anonymous

I am a shy and introverted person by nature. I have tried and engaged myself in limited social interactions throughout my life. I have a close knit group of friends who know me best and put up with my absence or lack of prompt replies. I am really grateful to them though it can get really annoying at times. I’m trying to be better at keeping in touch with my loved ones.

However, when it comes to my workplace, social isolation is my biggest fear. I start out slow as always, but end up making some great connections at work who teach me new things, motivate me to do better, make me laugh and in general help keep my happiness at a soaring high level at my workplace. I don’t have a team in my current organisation which means I had absolutely no one to talk when I started working at this place. The first 3 months were painfully slow and boring. I wouldn’t lie if I said that I used to count every single minute till the end of each and every day in office. Slowly I made few friends at office who made me lose track of time which was all I wanted at that time!

When I rejoined office after the lock down this year in June, I was worried because my closest office colleague hadn’t joined back. But I still had the colleagues who sat around my office bay area to keep me company. My colleague who sits across my desk has been a constant support throughout my running journey. He kept motivating me to sign up for a half marathon with him and it’s safe to give him all the credit for my first successful half marathon attempt this year.

Yesterday, I came to know that the entire bay across me have shifted their desks to a new location. To term this event heartbreaking is an understatement. I’ve been left all alone at my desk again. Life at this workplace has come a full circle for me as the situation has reverted exactly back to my initial period at this place. I have no one but my work to keep me company now. I know that I can visit them at their new location, but the situation is different than sharing the same office bay and having them around throughout the day.

This looks like the biggest sign from the Universe nudging me to make genuine efforts in finding a new job. I will try my best to overcome my anxiety related to situational changes and the accompanying procrastination so that I can find a job that makes me feel fulfilled and happy. It’s time to move on!

Am I doing it right?

#84/100

“He who reigns within himself and rules his passions, desires, and fears is more than a king.”

-John Milton

When I was a kid, I believed everything that people said. I never questioned anyone’s authority. I did everything as was told, I truly believed that I was doing the right thing. I wished to be obedient, I wished to follow the rules. This ranged from the basic ones such as ‘don’t go out in the dark’, ‘wash your hands before you eat food’ to the disturbing ones like “you need to lose weight” or “you should be settled before 30”. I don’t have any problems following the rules but I decided to break from this self imposed restriction when it started affecting my sanity.

I went through a whirlwind of emotions after I hit 29. I spent my entire 29th year, dreading the 30’s. According to the society, there are few unspoken, unwritten goals to be achieved before anyone turns 30. You should have a good education, stable job, get married and having a kid is a plus, in the same order. I don’t know who set these rules but they have been deep ingrained in my mind as long as I can remember. This made me feel like an absolute failure for not having achieved some of the ‘so called’ goals before I hit 30. I had an invisible deadline to get my life back on track or be termed as the ‘odd one’.

I dreaded my 30th birthday ever since I turned 29. Can you imagine all the precious time I lost dreading the inevitable? I eventually turned 30 (duh!) without getting the most important thing checked off the ‘society made checklists’ for turning 30, getting married! But I didn’t feel like a failure at all. Instead I felt great, in fact my 30th birthday was the most amazing birthday of my entire life. There are naysayers who try to make me and my family feel scared of the repercussions of not abiding by the ‘redundant rules of life’, but I don’t care. After having wasted an entire year, believing that I was an absolute failure, I don’t have a second to spare on such useless thoughts. Yes, they are useless thoughts!!! They only take unnecessary space in my mind and don’t help in achieving any of the goals or vision I’ve set for my life. Rather they make my life pitiful which I absolutely despise!

Throughout my 29th year, I felt like my time was running out. This compelled me to take few life changing decisions. I turned vegetarian (a wish I had kept for the unforeseeable future), got my house renovated (my childhood dream) and managed to break through a lot of mental barriers I set on myself. As I turned 30, I realized, there’s no right or wrong way to live your life. You set your own rules, you do what’s best for you! Thanks but no thanks society made obsolete rules, you have no space in my life, not anymore!

Keeping up with your word

#82/100

Image credit : Vectortoons (Source : https://vectortoons.com/products/a-very-afraid-girl-trying-to-hide-herself-from-danger)

I wasn’t going to write about this today but I’m unable to bring my mind to think about anything else right now. I really hope writing this post will help calm me down a bit. Last month, I had committed to my running group to attend a team relay run scheduled to take place next month. Last week, my running group mentor formed the teams and asked us to register for the event. After giving my name for the event, I also committed to attend a trip planned by my girl gang and it happens to fall on the same day as the run. This trip is my priority and I have to withdraw my name from the event. This was pure carelessness on my part. I should have informed my running group in advance before the team formation was done. Now I am in a soup and I’m freaking out!

I’m really scared. I don’t know how to get out of this situation. My running group members are few of the most inspiring people I know. The group mentor just removed a member from the group for irresponsible behavior. Going by her messages, it seems like this member informed last minute about his inability to attend the relay event. I’m going to have to do the exact same thing soon. But I just can’t bring myself to do it. I really don’t know why I’m freaking out. I really look up to my running mentor and don’t wish to let her down.

This doesn’t really sound like a big dilemma but has somehow made me very stressed. I have to pull myself together and inform my running mentor about my withdrawal from the event. I really hope she doesn’t take it the wrong way. Gosh, this is hard! Probably the hardest thing I’ve had to do in a long time.

I’ll have to do this tomorrow. I really hope this situation magically sorts out in a manner favorable to all. Till then, I’ll try not to overthink and hope for the best!

Importance of mental health

#78/100

“There is hope, even when your brain tells you there isn’t.”

–John Green

It’s “World Mental Health Day” today and I couldn’t find a better day to talk about this topic. My parents belonged to a generation where talking about mental health or any of the illnesses and disorders related to it was considered a huge stigma. It is considered an untouchable topic by many even today. But am glad the present generation has made continued efforts in breaking the barriers surrounding the most important aspect of human life. People of our generation are open about their feelings, do not shy away from discussing their mental health issues and seek out help when they realize that something is wrong.

I woke up today to the news of a young boy who chose to commit suicide due to depression. He was just 13-14 years old. I’m unable to comprehend the pain that the boy had to go through before he chose to end the misery altogether. He couldn’t talk about it with his parents and they are left with innumerable unanswerable questions in their mind.

For the longest time, I did not talk about my feelings with my parents as well. My relationship with my mother changed after I had a heart to heart discussion with her about everything I had in mind. This step is a lost cause as far as my father is concerned. But I’m glad my mother understands the importance of mental health and lends a patient ear whenever I vent out my frustrations to her.

Many of us might feel that this topic is overrated and we can overcome anything if we wish to. When we experience mental health disorders like panic attacks, anxiety, OCD or depression, our brain undergoes changes that are definitely not under our control. Many a times, we just don’t feel in the mood to do anything in life. We lose all hope for the future and are unable to experience happiness. These feelings are real. The first step to deal with a mental health disorder is “acceptance“. We need to accept that something is wrong with our thought patterns. The next step is to “seek help“. I’ve tried talking to various counsellors with the sole reason to get me out of the negative pattern my brain has gone into. I always wanted a quick and permanent solution to the problem. But it doesn’t work that way. Mental health disorders can be caused due to genes and family history, environmental stress, a traumatic experience, childhood trauma, life experiences or a combination of these factors. These causes accumulate over a period of time and take a long time to show red flags. By the time we realize it, we might not be in a condition to come out of it on our own.

There are few effective ways in which we can maintain a stable mental health if we are willing to work on it every single day. These are techniques that each one of us is aware of yet we are unwilling to take time out to work on ourselves till the situation gets out of hand. I’m trying my level best to create a routine and habit out of these techniques so that I follow them every single day on an “auto-pilot mode“.

• Workouts : Exercise in any form is a proven way to release endorphins in our brain which makes us happy and healthy. This one has dual effects in maintaining our physical as well as mental health.
• Meditation : I can’t stress enough about the benefits of meditation in our life. It is incredibly difficult to make this one a habit. We need to push ourselves very hard in the beginning. Yet, the benefits are incredible and almost instantaneous. I have started a practice of meditating right after I wake up. This has proven very effective in maintaining a good routine so far. Meditation has powerful benefits in the long term if practiced daily. It helps us become aware of our thoughts and teaches us not not dwell on every thought in our mind.
• Journaling : It’s the best way to let out our emotions and understand the pattern of our thoughts. Journaling and writing has helped me find answers to the questions I never had. It helps me in self introspection and understanding myself better. Sometimes, when we are unable to find people to talk to, our journals help us deal with our loneliness. It also helps us to focus on the present moment and live each day as it comes.
• Gratitude : I wrote an article about this a few days ago. The most powerful practice suggested by my counsellor was to write 3 things I am grateful for every morning and 3 great things that happened during the day in the evening. This is an incredible practice to count our blessings in life and more reasons to be happy.

I wish and pray for your mental health and happiness.

A little extra effort

#77/100

Go the extra mile, it’s never crowded.

-Wayne Dyer

I remember watching a show as a kid that had left a lasting impact on me. In the show, the main protagonist was a little girl who was an average student in school and had no friends. On her birthday, she invited her entire class for a party but not a single one paid visit to her home. Just before the end of the party, her doorbell rang. It was her favorite aunt who gave her a surprise visit. The little girl poured her heart out to her aunt and asked her why she was unable to make friends? Her aunt thought for a while and searched her purse to fish out a beautiful necklace with a butterfly pendant. The aunt told the kid that this was a magic necklace. The wearer of this necklace will have all their wishes fulfilled. But there’s a catch. In order for the magic to work, the the little girl had to ensure 3 things on her part :-

• Always be kind and helpful to others
• Be thankful for everything that you have in life
• Work a little extra hard each time

The little girl was overjoyed with the gift and tried putting it to use right away. The next day in school, she offered help when a fellow classmate was stuck at a math problem. She smiled and said thanks to her teachers for looking after her in school. At home, she studied for an extra hour than usual to put the third rule into practice. Nothing really happened for the first 2 days. On the third day, a fellow classmate asked if she could sit next to her. She finally had someone to talk to in school!!! When the end term results were announced, she was surprised to find that she had topped the class. All the extra studying hours had finally paid off. Her kindness left a lasting impact on everyone and she quickly became everyone’s favorite in school.

We already know the benefits of being kind and grateful in life. I wish to elaborate on the third rule. This story sounds very basic now, but as a kid it motivated me to do well in school. A little extra effort today works a long way. Every human being has a self imposed limitation set by their mind. Yet, we find few people in our day to day life, who are way ahead than the rest and at the top of their game every single time. Are they born this way? Not exactly. Some people are surely born more talented than the rest. But, if they don’t work on their talent each day, someone else with average skills will move past them in the race of life. Talent cannot be developed but skill can be. We can learn and be good at any thing we put our mind to, only if we are willing to run the extra mile for it.

If you wish to live an extraordinary life, be prepared to work extraordinarily hard for it. I don’t want you to lose your food and sleep over it. Remember the exact moment when you feel like giving up or calling it a day, push yourself to sustain past this feeling for some more time. This can be applied to any aspect of life. Be it an extra lap during your morning run, reading few more pages of a book, reaching work a few minutes earlier than the rest or simply studying an extra chapter for the day. A little extra than your mental limitation, that’s all it takes to turn ordinary into “extra”ordinary!

An achiever

#73/100

“Success in life is not for those who run fast, but for those who keep running and always on the move.”

–Bangambiki Habyarimana

I was watching a clip of Priyanka Chopra Jonas’s new book launch promo today and she said something that instantly struck a chord with me. She wants to be a person who sets goals and achieves them. The second part of this sentence is what differentiates it from any other motivational pep talk. We are always taught to chase dreams, our goals and made to feel bad if we don’t achieve them. But we are never pushed to finish what we start. Having goals is great, but it makes no difference to your life if you don’t put consistent efforts on it. Like anything in life, there will be failures and setbacks. That’s when 99% of the crowd backs out. The 1% who continue, end up realizing their goals or learn enough skills to chase a different one.

Instead of being a person who sets big goals, I want to be a person who lives up to my word, no matter what. I have envisioned a dream life for myself, yet I delay working on it every single day. Rest is great, watching movies and shows are blissful, but they’ll seem much more sweeter and victorious if earned as a reward on achieving your goals.

Instead of a ‘doer’ mindset, I have adopted an ‘achiever’ mindset in life now. The difference between the two is the consistency of efforts for any task or goal in life. A doer always has ample time to complete their work, probably till the end of their life. An achiever, well, they are focused on achieving their targets in minimal time. After all, their main goal is to complete what’s started.

Let’s push ourselves harder and break the self imposed restrictions set by our mind. As we all know, we are much stronger than we think!