A touchy subject

“SHE WAS BRAVE AND STRONG AND BROKEN ALL AT ONCE.” 

-ANNA FUNDER

I’m a patient person by nature. Meditation has really helped calm me down when life gets stressful. I also am aware of certain things or actions that instantly uplift my mood. Of late I have realized that a particular topic keeps disturbing my mental peace. I try to deal with this topic in the best possible manner however it keeps lingering on my mind for a long time. The topic in question is “marriage”.

I haven’t grown up in a loving environment as far as my parent’s marriage is concerned. My childhood traumas affected me throughout my teenage life and still come to bite me in my adulthood. My subconscious mind houses a lot of fears and negativity about marriage and it haunts me whenever someone brings up the topic in front of me.

I do want to get married but I am yet to find a compatible partner to share my life with. When milestones like this are age bound, the resultant decisions become extremely haphazard and are done only to make the society happy. I hope the Universe has got me covered in this matter as I really need all it’s blessings to make the right decision. I REALLY hope 2021 makes my life easier as far as “marriage” is concerned and I get to choose this phase of my life as per my wishes. I am hopeful and positive about the future as always. To end this post, I would like to share one of my favorite quotes which instantly brings peace and calm to my unsettled mind whenever I read it,

A close call

Today has been adventurous to another level. I travelled all the way to my office in the morning hoping to have a normal work day today. When I reached office, I had to go through the normal workplace protocol of showing my identity proof and the status on a government based mobile app (Aarogya Setu) which tracks the coronavirus infection of users who have downloaded the app on their phone. This app collects details of infection of everyone who uses it makes it easy to conduct contact tracing process. When I checked the status today, it showed I had a “high risk” of infection as I had come in contact with an infected person about a week back. I was surprisingly calm throughout as I had experienced no symptoms till then. I was asked to go back home and check with the helpline on the app for further process.

Once I reached home and told my parents about it, they freaked out. My parents are complete opposites of each other and their reaction to this news was also poles apart. My mother was very scared but kept it within herself and showed a brave front. My father called a friend, brought me medicines which I had no clue about and asked me 10000 questions within a span of 10 seconds. Mind you, they went through all this stress only with the news of me coming in contact with an infected person. I hadn’t even tested positive by this time. After talking to my friends and contemplating on the situation for a long time, I decided to get myself tested. I went to a diagnostic center near my house and my swabs samples were taken for the tests. Let me give a heads up here, the process of taking the nasal swab samples is extremely creepy and weird. The swab is inserted deep inside the nose and for a moment I felt that it had reached my brain!!

Then came the somewhat long wait. The antigen test results are quiet rapid and come out within a span of 15 mins. The results for the antigen test are inaccurate at times and hence I got myself swabbed for the RT-PCR test as well which is the most accurately used testing method. Within few minutes of taking my swab samples, my antigen test results were out. Fortunately it was “Negative“. The RT-PCR test results will be out tomorrow. My life changed within a span of few minutes after I came to know about the status on my Aarogya Setu app. Most of the times the stress of the actual situation is more troublesome and frustrating than the situation itself.

I’m glad I decided to take test after all and find out about my condition today itself. My initial plan was to self quarantine for a week or so before getting tested. I am extremely grateful for my meditation habit which helped me be calm in this situation. I’m really glad that I worked on making it a habit and spent 20 mins everyday on healing my mental health. It came a lot handy in today’s situation.

Fingers crossed for my RT-PCR test results tomorrow!

Just breathe it out

#89/100

“Life is short. We can live it lost in thought or we can choose to be present as life unfolds around us.”

-Headspace

Meditation! I must have ignored this important and extremely powerful habit for a happy mind all my life. I just couldn’t bring myself to stay still at one place and concentrate on my breathing. It made absolutely no sense to me. The biggest misconception that I had in my mind was that meditation was supposed to immediately calm me down and clear my anxious thoughts. That’s not how it works. About 4 years back I encountered a difficult situation at work. I had made a huge error and was petrified of the consequences. I was constantly anxious and my mind didn’t leave any stone upturned to churn out one negative thought after another. There was no respite even at home as my mind continued the negative thought pattern. That’s when I decided to give meditation a shot at calming down my mind. I could see a positive result from barely few days of consistent practice. While the thoughts continued to disrupt my mind, I was slowly learning to acknowledge them and let it go. I didn’t even realize when I did it. My anxiousness subsided eventually when everything got sorted out at work and not one of my negative thoughts manifested into reality.

I stopped practicing meditation the moment situations got better in my life and I technically didn’t ‘need’ it anymore. That’s where I went terribly wrong. Meditation helps in improving our overall physical and emotional well being if practiced daily. I have tried making it a habit few times in the past and failed terribly. In the past, I scheduled my meditation session at a time during the day which made it easier for me to delay it indefinitely. I made a small change in my daily routine to incorporate my meditation session, first thing in the morning. I start my day with a 20 min meditation session every morning and carry on with my daily activities after that. This schedule has worked pretty well for me in the last 12 days and I feel great. I’ve noticed a decrease in my junk food cravings as I am able to not dwell on those thoughts for long. I’m pretty excited to experience the long term benefits of this powerful new habit in my life.

There are various ways to meditate, I personally use a guided mediation application called ‘Headspace’. The techniques shared in the application are easy to follow and the video animations are catchy enough to sustain my attention. In the initial days I had to force myself to sit at once place quietly and meditate. It sure has gotten easier over time and scheduling it first thing in the morning has been extremely beneficial in being consistent at it.

Apart from reducing anxiety, stress and calming the mind, the long term benefits of meditation include better emotional health, an increased sense of self awareness, improved attention span, helps in fighting addictions as well as improved sleep. This habit seems like a long term investment with no immediate rewards but I surely want to continue long enough to reap it’s benefits in the future. Making it a daily habit surely helps in being consistent.

Inner peace

#4/100

What is your idea of inner peace? Lately, I’ve been thinking about this a lot. The other day I just wanted to lie down, close my eyes and experience the feeling of not having my mind blast out thoughts at the speed of light. It’s this constant chatter in my mind that I want an escape from.

I’ve started meditating and let me tell you, the feeling is incredible. Of course, my mind won’t stop churning out thoughts while I’m trying to concentrate on my breathing. That’s not the concept of meditation. The whole idea is to attain a higher level of awareness of your thoughts to help you not dwell on it for long.

I remember being a very happy, optimistic kid. I seldom experienced the emotions of boredom, anger or sadness. I guess all kids are like that. As we grow older and experience life better, our collection of memories grows bigger. It’s our memories, rather bad experiences from our past that makes us experience anxiety, sadness, nervousness, anger for the future. I’m sure no one on this earth has led a life without any struggle. Everyone deals with some or the other discomforting situation in their lives, some people just end up dealing with it better.

In the end, I’m well aware that everything is in my mind. The situations I’m fearing or dreading haven’t taken place yet. Many a time, the reality unfolds in a diabolically different manner than my thoughts. Yet, every new uncertainty makes me anxious. It makes me anxious to the extent that my present and future seem blurry.

When our mind, body and heart are in complete tandem, we experience inner peace, the feeling of true happiness. 30 years of life experiences have forced me to become an anxious person. Anxiety is no one’s friend and I don’t wish for anyone to experience it. For now, I’ll try to meditate my way out of my life’s uncertainties, at least the ones that my mind has creatively scripted. It’s my 20 minute escape from the world. As I continue to actively practice the art of meditation, I want to become a more calm, settled version of myself, more at peace with life, the way I was as a kid.

Getting out of my comfort zone

It was my first day at my new job today. This place is everything I wanted my dream job to be like. Extremely knowledgeable people, great office environment, fixed timings, great brand, yet, I feel weird.

There is this intense feeling of discomfort that is plaguing my mind. I just can’t come to terms with the fact that opportunities lie outside the comfort zone. In my previous organisation, I knew everything and everyone, everything and everyone knew me. I didn’t like the people there nor the office timings, yet, I want to go back and hide myself there.

What is wrong? Why do I feel so uncomfortable at a place that feels so right! Well, that’s the cost to pay when you venture out of your comfort zone. The comfort zone is a place which protects you from any kind of fear. New places brings with it unknown situations, uncomfortable meetings, it tests your knowledge and your ability to deal with new surroundings. All this ain’t pretty. Especially, for an introvert like me. Introverts like to conserve as much energy as possible. They lose energy and hope as soon as they have to encounter a new situation.

It’s time to be more positive and embrace my reality. Living my life one day at a time might help. I either live in the past or find myself dreaming about the future. Present is never an option for me.

Embracing every moment of the present situation will help me recuperate and that’s what I am going to do. It was my decision to move out of the situation I was in and upgrade my life. Now, I need to be more mature and responsible about my decisions. Happiness is a continuous process. You cannot wait for it to find it’s way to you. Happiness sometimes requires effort. Your mind needs to free and clutter free in order to create a nurturing house for it to stay in for a long time.

While I go back to my reality, I urge you all to give the uncomfortable situation you are currently facing, another chance. Just remember, this feeling too shall pass. It is just an illusion created by your mind to protect you from prospective fearful situations. And believe me, you are stronger than that! So, fight the FEAR.!

Anger Management 101

I was a pretty patient person throughout my childhood. I used to seldom get angry and make peace with most of the situations in life. I did get upset if things didn’t work my way but never be angry.

When I look back at those days, I feel I’m a completely changed person now. Wrath and anger has become a part of my life nowadays, especially when I’m in office. I’m more patient and calm with my friends and family but not with colleagues at office. So, what has changed?

Well, in office I get angry over situations I cannot control. When people keep on asking the same questions again, they are not responsible for their actions, repeat the same mistakes carelessly, I feel agitated! I fail to understand why would someone wreck their own reputation and quality of work by acting in a negligent manner. And this results in me getting all worked up and swinging onto the damage control mode. Being a supervisor, I need to be responsible for everyone’s work and one person’s negligence results in me having to answer a hundred questions by the senior management which is tiresome.

In my case, I get angry due to one or all of the following reasons:-

• When I work at the last minute for any project
• When other people act in a careless manner
• When things are not conducted in an organised manner
• When I make a silly mistake which could have been easily avoided

As you can see, in each of the above reasons, the following 2 things are very prominent :-

• Situations in control – Involving your own self!
• Situations beyond your control – Involving other people

SITUATIONS IN CONTROL – INVOLVING YOUR OWN SELF!

In such situations, as you are the master of your own fate, you can mould the outcome. If things don’t work because of your own self, it’s a learning experience. You can make a note of such situations in order to not repeat them in future. In case you still repeat them, it’s a warning sign with “DANGER LYING AHEAD” written in big red letters asking you to pay ATTENTION. When you are too passionate about your work, failure or incompetence is bound to make you angry. But, if you consider each error as a learning step to your glorious future, it would make you heave a sigh of relief instead of crying in agony. Making mistakes helps you to discover ways in which it can be avoided in future and learning more about the work you are doing. You get closer to achieving the outcome you’ve visualised and know how to avoid any pitfalls that may come in future.

SITUATIONS BEYOND YOUR CONTROL – INVOLVING OTHER PEOPLE

In this scenario, it’s pointless to act angry and hurt your own self in the process. You need to realise that each person acts in their own manner. You cannot control the process or the outcome in situations involving others. To avoid pain in such situations, you need to make sure your thoughts clear to the other person. If they still act in a destructive manner, you can either end your association or stop being affected by it. Everyone should be responsible for their own actions. If a person’s destructive behaviour is causing difficulties to oneself, you need to make changes in your situation to avoid being dependent on them for your own happiness. You can only get angry due to others if you keep your happiness in their control. Break the control, be the master of your happiness.

In each of the above situation, your reaction matters the most. People act in split second without thinking about the situation or the reason behind it. Our reactions are always immediate. The best way to control anger is to control your reaction to any situation. Always Clear your head-> Analyse-> React!

I’ve tried to analyse the reason behind situations causing anger and list down the most simple ways of avoiding it. So next time you are about to get angry, take a deep breath, understand which of the above situation you fall in and think about it clearly before spitting fire!!

Ciao!