I was a pretty patient person throughout my childhood. I used to seldom get angry and make peace with most of the situations in life. I did get upset if things didn’t work my way but never be angry.
When I look back at those days, I feel I’m a completely changed person now. Wrath and anger has become a part of my life nowadays, especially when I’m in office. I’m more patient and calm with my friends and family but not with colleagues at office. So, what has changed?
Well, in office I get angry over situations I cannot control. When people keep on asking the same questions again, they are not responsible for their actions, repeat the same mistakes carelessly, I feel agitated! I fail to understand why would someone wreck their own reputation and quality of work by acting in a negligent manner. And this results in me getting all worked up and swinging onto the damage control mode. Being a supervisor, I need to be responsible for everyone’s work and one person’s negligence results in me having to answer a hundred questions by the senior management which is tiresome.
In my case, I get angry due to one or all of the following reasons:-
- When I work at the last minute for any project
- When other people act in a careless manner
- When things are not conducted in an organised manner
- When I make a silly mistake which could have been easily avoided
As you can see, in each of the above reasons, the following 2 things are very prominent :-
- Situations in control – Involving your own self!
- Situations beyond your control – Involving other people
SITUATIONS IN CONTROL – INVOLVING YOUR OWN SELF!
In such situations, as you are the master of your own fate, you can mould the outcome. If things don’t work because of your own self, it’s a learning experience. You can make a note of such situations in order to not repeat them in future. In case you still repeat them, it’s a warning sign with “DANGER LYING AHEAD” written in big red letters asking you to pay ATTENTION. When you are too passionate about your work, failure or incompetence is bound to make you angry. But, if you consider each error as a learning step to your glorious future, it would make you heave a sigh of relief instead of crying in agony. Making mistakes helps you to discover ways in which it can be avoided in future and learning more about the work you are doing. You get closer to achieving the outcome you’ve visualised and know how to avoid any pitfalls that may come in future.
SITUATIONS BEYOND YOUR CONTROL – INVOLVING OTHER PEOPLE
In this scenario, it’s pointless to act angry and hurt your own self in the process. You need to realise that each person acts in their own manner. You cannot control the process or the outcome in situations involving others. To avoid pain in such situations, you need to make sure your thoughts clear to the other person. If they still act in a destructive manner, you can either end your association or stop being affected by it. Everyone should be responsible for their own actions. If a person’s destructive behaviour is causing difficulties to oneself, you need to make changes in your situation to avoid being dependent on them for your own happiness. You can only get angry due to others if you keep your happiness in their control. Break the control, be the master of your happiness.
In each of the above situation, your reaction matters the most. People act in split second without thinking about the situation or the reason behind it. Our reactions are always immediate. The best way to control anger is to control your reaction to any situation. Always Clear your head-> Analyse-> React!
I’ve tried to analyse the reason behind situations causing anger and list down the most simple ways of avoiding it. So next time you are about to get angry, take a deep breath, understand which of the above situation you fall in and think about it clearly before spitting fire!!