Rest it out

The best cure for the body is a quiet mind.

-Napoleon Bonaparte

#23/100

There are days when I’m unable to sleep at night because of the nagging feeling of being unproductive throughout the day. Then there are days like today where I’m completely fine with not moving out of my bed at all. Humans are conditioned by the society to be productive. Wherever you go, we are told to work hard and utilize our time well. But is that all we are supposed to do during our lifetime? After a hectic workweek, I prefer a quiet weekend without any chores to attend to. But as the weekend ends, I feel sad about not utilizing my time optimally. Can our mind be ever happy with what we do?

I had to travel almost 8 hrs a day for 2 days this week for my office commute. Although I had planned to complete few chores during the weekend, my body wouldn’t listen to my mind. All my body wanted to do was rest it out. My mind could have pushed my body to do something productive, I decided to listen to my body this time. It’s completely fine to take an off day or more if you need it. I used to punish myself earlier for lazying around and wasting my time. I had almost convinced myself that I’m a chronic procrastinator. It took me a long time to realize that it was my anxiety that caused me to delay tasks and not procrastination. My anxiety has always managed to get the better of me before any huge event, be it an exam, an interview or any other place that required my complete efforts and attention. I have an “all or none” mindset unfortunately. No matter how hard I try, I always feel unprepared and low on confidence.

Now that I’m trying to understand my mind and emotions better each day, I treat myself better. When we look at other people who are hard on themselves, we realize how grossly wrong and unfair it is to behave in that manner. However, when it comes to our own selves, we can be the toughest task masters the world has ever seen. I’m trying to love myself more each day, be gentle towards my thoughts and listen to myself better. There is no fun in burning ourselves out to the point of no return. Rest it out if you need time, do nothing, eat whatever you want, just try to keep yourself sane. You are your biggest comfort after all.

Thank God it’s Friday!

“Life must be terrible for working people, considering they spend every Friday night celebrating a two-day break from it.”

Robert Black

#7/100

When I was in school, we had 2 holidays in a week. One would fall in the middle of the week on Thursday and the other one was our beloved Sunday. I was so used to the 2 day holiday routine in school that adjusting to just one during my college days was bit of a task. As I was studying for Chartered Accountancy exams during those days, I had classes throughout the week, even on Sunday. However, the fact that I didn’t have a break from my routine even on a Sunday had little impact on me. Throughout the week I had work, studies as well as the company of my friends to keep me busy. I did long for a rest day or vacation or just some time to laze around however the lack of it didn’t make me unhappy.

Once I began my professional journey, I realized the true meaning and longing for the weekend. My only motivation to drag myself out of my bed on Monday was the lure of the weekend in 5 days. By the time it was Wednesday, I had already started celebrating the onset of the weekend. Friday became the most happy day of my life, no external situation or being could hamper my mood on a Friday. Usually there’s nothing that I plan to do during the weekend that I patiently wait for. Even when I note one mentally or physically write down a plan, I forget all about it on the Saturday morning. Weekend for me became a 2 day escape from my daily routine, the life that I’m required to live to earn a living.

Don’t get me wrong. My daily routine or rather weekdays aren’t that bad. I have a comfortable job. However, there’s something about what I do for a living that bothers me. Every night during the weekdays, I reluctantly fall asleep knowing that I’m not living my best life. Trust me, I wasn’t like this during my student days, I was oblivious to the situations around me and had limited worries to take care of.

So what’s the difference between my student days and now? Back then my only worry was preparing and excelling in my exams. That’s all I had to do. I truly believed that if I could just clear my Chartered Accountancy exams, I’d be able to erase the existence of stress, worry and negativity from my life.I felt that lack of money was the root cause of all problems in my life. As I became a full grown adult, I had the unpleasant realization that things don’t really work that way.

What is it in my current daily routine that I desperately seek a timeout from? My core personality highly disapproves my professional identity. I do not indulge in work on a daily basis that feed my mind, soul and inner child. That’s why they are desperate to be their true authentic selves during the weekend, when I don’t have any professional commitment. That’s why Fridays are special and weekends celebrated. I truly envy people who don’t experience such feelings, have a life they absolutely enjoy and don’t wish to escape from any part of it. For now I’ll try to find all those little things that maintain my sanity and keep me happy.