The endless wait

#48/100

“Patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen in a different order than the one you have in your mind.”

-David G. Allen

Ever since I started my 100 day writing challenge, most of my initial posts were rants about my current workplace. I desperately wish to leave it and join a new office environment where employees aren’t ordered around like machines, their efforts are appreciated and they are treated with the dignity and respect that they deserve.

About 2 weeks back I gave an interview for a job profile I was unsure about. I also wrote a post here about my experience in getting over the anxiety of attending an interview after almost 2 years. I gave the interview without any expectations or hope of cracking it. My only intention behind giving the interview was to get over my fear. The interview was decent and I was pleasantly surprised to get a callback on the same day for my next round.

The next round on Monday also had me jitters as it required me to attend a video call. For a person who is not too fond of interviews, convincing the mind to do it regardless is the biggest hurdle. The second round also went decently well and the interviewer told me they would finalize the candidate by Friday. The next few days I just enjoyed the feeling of not having to go through the fear and anxiety of having an upcoming interview to attend to. I don’t really know why I’m so scared of them. I hate being under the limelight and having myself judged by a random stranger, especially when I’m supposed to put my best foot forward and create a good impression. It’s way too much to expect out of a first meeting. I’m a shy person and creating a great first impression might not be my forte. I am a much better version of myself now though. I remember going blank and not uttering a single word in one of my very first job interviews.

The next 3 days also had me ponder over the pros and cons of this job profile. The company is great, it’s one of the biggest banks in the world. My biggest issue was with the location and timings. The job location is insanely far from my residence, I might have to shift to a rented place near the office. If I manage to shift to a nearby location, the job timings wouldn’t be much of an issue. The other big concern was with my current job’s appraisals and bonus declaration. These are supposed to take place by mid October and I don’t wish to sacrifice it for the sake of a new job. My current workplace has been horrendous in taking care of the mental health and safety of their employees. I want to quit after getting my dues which has been unreasonably delayed by my organisation.

Last Friday I got a call from the new place to update my job details on a given link. I haven’t heard back from them after that. I’m aware that the chances of getting this job seem very bleak at the moment but I don’t want to lose hope. I wish that I get a call at the right moment after having my bonus and appraisal arrears cleared by my current organisation so that I can quit in peace.

The wait is long but I really hope everything would unfold in my favor. Till then, I’ll be positive, take deep breaths and relax.

A long wait

#32/100

Did you ever have to wait for something to end for a long time? Like the initial few months at a new place where you know no one, being that introverted guest at a party just because you were called by a close friend, a fracture cast, a toxic workplace, association with a demanding boss or something else on similar lines. You really dislike being in that zone, experiencing those painful emotions yet you have to wait for a certain period of time till it ends.

Yet somehow when it ends, you aren’t as happy as you thought you’ll be. After going through a difficult time for such a long time, wishing for it to end as soon as possible, you still have a weird feeling, could be disguised as sadness, when the end time is near. There was a concept shown in the show “How I met your mother” where one of the main leads wants to quit his job because he hates it. He hates every element of the job, the paperwork, his colleagues, bad coffee at the cafeteria, every single thing. But when he musters enough courage to quit the job, his last few days aren’t as happy as he thought it would be. Instead, he started liking all those elements that he hated before. That’s when his friend Robin tells him that he’s got the “Graduation Goggles”

Graduation goggles is the nostalgic feeling one has about a time or someone in their life when it is about to end, even if the time was completely miserable.

-Robin from “How I met your mother”

I’ve had braces for almost 3 years now. There has not been a single day in my life when I wanted them off me. They can be really frustrating and painful at times. I’ve been patiently waiting for my dentist to tell me that it’s finally time to remove them. The gaps in my teeth have filled up and they look in excellent shape now. Few days back when I realized that it might finally be the time I bid adieu to my braces, I somehow sensed a weird feeling. The feeling of nostalgia, FOR MY BRACES! I’ve had it for 3 painful years and have always wanted them to go off. How could I even remotely miss having my braces around? Looks like I’m experiencing Graduation Goggles too. I went to visit my orthodontist today and she told me there’s still few months to go for the braces to be removed. I somehow was frustrated as well as relieved. Since braces treatment involves a long duration of time, I had envisioned few goals to be completed by the time my braces are removed. Now that the time has arrived and my goals are incomplete, I sensed a sigh of relief when my orthodontist told me I still have some time left. Maybe I could complete those goals and happily celebrate the removal of my braces a few months down the line. Because no one can ever deny the fact that having braces can be the most nerve wracking experience of any human’s life!!!