The endless wait

#48/100

“Patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen in a different order than the one you have in your mind.”

-David G. Allen

Ever since I started my 100 day writing challenge, most of my initial posts were rants about my current workplace. I desperately wish to leave it and join a new office environment where employees aren’t ordered around like machines, their efforts are appreciated and they are treated with the dignity and respect that they deserve.

About 2 weeks back I gave an interview for a job profile I was unsure about. I also wrote a post here about my experience in getting over the anxiety of attending an interview after almost 2 years. I gave the interview without any expectations or hope of cracking it. My only intention behind giving the interview was to get over my fear. The interview was decent and I was pleasantly surprised to get a callback on the same day for my next round.

The next round on Monday also had me jitters as it required me to attend a video call. For a person who is not too fond of interviews, convincing the mind to do it regardless is the biggest hurdle. The second round also went decently well and the interviewer told me they would finalize the candidate by Friday. The next few days I just enjoyed the feeling of not having to go through the fear and anxiety of having an upcoming interview to attend to. I don’t really know why I’m so scared of them. I hate being under the limelight and having myself judged by a random stranger, especially when I’m supposed to put my best foot forward and create a good impression. It’s way too much to expect out of a first meeting. I’m a shy person and creating a great first impression might not be my forte. I am a much better version of myself now though. I remember going blank and not uttering a single word in one of my very first job interviews.

The next 3 days also had me ponder over the pros and cons of this job profile. The company is great, it’s one of the biggest banks in the world. My biggest issue was with the location and timings. The job location is insanely far from my residence, I might have to shift to a rented place near the office. If I manage to shift to a nearby location, the job timings wouldn’t be much of an issue. The other big concern was with my current job’s appraisals and bonus declaration. These are supposed to take place by mid October and I don’t wish to sacrifice it for the sake of a new job. My current workplace has been horrendous in taking care of the mental health and safety of their employees. I want to quit after getting my dues which has been unreasonably delayed by my organisation.

Last Friday I got a call from the new place to update my job details on a given link. I haven’t heard back from them after that. I’m aware that the chances of getting this job seem very bleak at the moment but I don’t want to lose hope. I wish that I get a call at the right moment after having my bonus and appraisal arrears cleared by my current organisation so that I can quit in peace.

The wait is long but I really hope everything would unfold in my favor. Till then, I’ll be positive, take deep breaths and relax.

Surprise…..!

#22/100

I absolutely love gifts. I’m always excited to plan gifts for my closed ones. I make sure to get thoughtful stuff that would bring a smile on their face. I anticipate their reactions on the gifts and it just makes my day when they let me know that they love it too. Similarly, I love getting gifts as well. I just find the thought or gesture made by someone to make you happy in the form of any gift beautiful. As a kid, I would desperately wait for my birthday each year. That’s the only day you are showered with gifts after all. However, I always feel low at the end of each of my birthdays. I’m really not aware of the reason yet. It could be because of a year long wait for the next one or just that I expect too much for no reason.

I still remember how sad I was during the last few weeks of year 2016. I wasn’t looking forward to the new year at all, mind you I’m a person who loves new beginnings. New years always excite me as they bring new hope and endless new possibilities. However 2017 was different. I was overworked at my workplace and was dreading the new year because of the extra challenges at work for 2017. I just wanted to disappear from the face of the earth. I cut contact with my friends and resented myself. I went into a shell. But my best friend still stuck by me despite my distant behavior. On 31st December, she came to my house and handed to my mom a gift that just changed the way I looked at the new year. It was a jar filled with 365 notes for each day of the year. The notes were beautiful and straight from her heart. Till the time I got the gift, I was sure nothing and no one could pull me back from the dumps. I don’t know what I did to deserve such an amazing friend in my life but I felt extremely grateful that I had her.

The most incredible gift of my life 🙂

It doesn’t end here. Today, she surprised me with another marvelous gift. Just when I was sure that no one could top the note jar gift, she surprised me with a gift that overwhelmed me with emotions. It was my birthday in April when my country was under a strict lock down. She made sure to make my lock down birthday special too by making me a video montage with amazing pictures and messages from my friends. I had absolutely no expectations of getting a gift 5 months after my birthday. But my best friend knows me too well and gave me something that touched my soul.

My most incredible gift 2.0

I love creating bucket lists, I have one on my blog as well. The joy of striking stuff off from my bucket list on completion can’t be put through words. I’m overjoyed by this gift.

Ever since I’ve decided to chase happiness and live in the present, my life has changed for the better. I feel extremely grateful and at peace. Happiness is about the small things after all, you just need to pay attention 🙂