Hope is all we have

“Hope can be a powerful force. Maybe there’s no actual magic in it, but when you know what you hope for most and hold it like a light within you, you can make things happen, almost like magic.”

-Laini Taylor

I didn’t have a very comfortable life as a child. We had many financial and household issues to deal with. Everyday was a struggle for us, especially my mom. However, if I were to compare my mental strength back then to now, I was way more happy, hopeful and positive in the past. I refrained from overthinking every single aspect of my life, I was hopeful and positive of a bright future, I knew things would turn out in our favour sooner or later. I had something to look forward to, I had a lot of goals for my future, the future seemed like a happy dream that I was eager to convert to reality.

Things did work out in our favour. Most of my childhood goals have been accomplished (from earning a degree, getting a stable job, fulfilling the basic materialistic goals such as buying a branded cell phone to fancy clothes to renovating my house). Life should be amazing, I should be happy, I shouldn’t have anything to crib about anymore. Well that’s the issue, why does all of this still seem difficult? Why do we forget everything that has worked for us and always focus on the things that we don’t have? Why does my mind have to overthink every single moment of my life and present me with situations that always seem unfavorable and scary? I was never this confused during my childhood when we had very few reasons to be happy or grateful for. But now when I have a zillion things to be happy about, my mind keeps redirecting me to that one thing that I don’t have or that one goal I might never achieve!

I had problems back in my childhood as well. But I was hopeful of a happy future and that dream kept me alive. It gave me the energy to fight the devils of my mind and just focus on the task at hand. As I grew up and came across more failures in life, my hopeful nature lost it’s sheen and my mind started storing and reliving the real life experiences of feeling lost, disappointed, hurt and scared. Because of this I’ve reached at a phase in life where every new decision causes my mind to relive all the pain and trauma I’ve experienced in the past. Thus, I’m unable to think straight, hope for a bright future, work towards a goal or simply be happy without overthinking any aspect of my life.

Overthinking sucks big time. It makes every simple decision of my life into a life or death situation. It completely drains my energy and distorts my ability to think straight. I know happiness is not a destination but a life long journey. A single event or goal in our life doesn’t have the ability to keep us happy forever. It’s a daily process, a life long effort and developing a hopeful attitude towards life.

I might have mentioned this many times before but I need to reiterate it to myself as I’ve lost my track and fallen deep into the black hole of overthinking. It has drained me and is now clouding my judgement. It isn’t allowing me to enjoy a single moment of peace and happiness without thinking twice about it. Few minor changes that I’m planning to make henceforth to avoid my mind to take control of my life.

  • Practice being in the present : Focus only on the present moment
  • Focus on what I have control over : Ignore what we can’t change, work on things we can control
  • Write down your thoughts when it gets overwhelming : Maintain a daily journal
  • Figure out solutions than mulling over problems : Think about all the possible way out and how it can be effective in solving the problem
  • Become a person of action : Especially in making simple decisions, take decisions right away rather than pondering over it indefinitely.

I’ll share my thoughts and experiences on the effect of making these simple changes in my life soon. Till then, let’s be happy and focus on living our life to the fullest!

Slowly but surely

“Positive anything is better than negative nothing.”

Elbert Hubbard

Day 25/30

A pessimistic attitude towards life can suck the energy out of you. Our life is built on hope and in it’s absence we will feel absolutely unsettled. Given the current scenario, it is very easy to go off track and feel helpless. We might feel like we have lost control over our life. Our brain can easily spiral into the wrong direction and give us all the possible reasons to be unhappy.

Our time is limited on this planet, every single second is precious. While it’s practically impossible to make every moment count, we can try and train our mind to see the good in every situation. We can strive hard to live in the moment, write down every thing that we have been procrastinating on for a long time and tick off the checklist one by one, buy those things that have been lying in your wish list since forever, reconnect with old friends, watch a feel good movie. In general, use your time on things that make you happy.

The last 2 days have been emotionally harrowing. Two of my closest extended family members are dealing with this deadly virus. I’m praying that they get well soon and come back home hale and hearty. This situation has forced me to think about how I spend my time stressing over things that never take place, being anxious about my past and future alike, not being satisfied with the way I live my life and treating happiness like an expensive commodity. I do end up allocating a huge chunk of my time in life on things that aren’t fruitful or don’t make me happy. I tend to consistently worry about the implications of my current decisions on my future life and stress about not being able to make the most of my life. Well guess what, even after stressing about all of this day in and day out, I haven’t made any progress on figuring out the perfect manner of living a fulfilled life. It’s high time I stop caring about this and start channeling all my focus on the present moment alone.

Going to make it my life’s motto to live by this rule.

“Be happy in the moment, that’s enough. Each moment is all we need, not more.” 

— Mother Teresa

It’s a challenge, alright

“Real difficulties can be overcome; it is the imaginary ones that are unconquerable.”

Theodore Newton Vail

I started working out 2.5 years back. I was never into sports during my childhood days. As I was a chubby kid, I mostly stayed indoors while the kids from my building played outdoors in the evening. I feared not being not being able to compete, not being fast enough, being made fun of! When I started out 2.5 years back, I noticed I had better endurance and stamina than I thought. I was much stronger than I thought. The first month was extremely difficult but things started easing out from the second month onwards.

2.5 years later, I feel much stronger and fitter than when I started out. I am able to attempt most of the new exercises with a day or two’s practice. But there are few exercises that I have never attempted or have failed miserably after trying. One of them is the push-up.

Can you perform a push-up? If yes, then dear friend, you earn my envy. Ever since I started working out, I’ve tried through every possible means to attempt a perfect push-up, failing each time. Yes, I am impatient when it comes to workouts, I go all in and try to achieve perfection as soon as possible. My high energy and determination has worked well for most of the exercises, except the almighty PUSH-UP. I was very dejected yesterday when I couldn’t even perform 1. I almost gave up on this exercise after my mind tried to convince me that it isn’t made for me.

There’s a challenge going on in my runner’s group wherein we have to perform push ups daily and increase the count by the end of this month. Most of my runner’s group members perform a push-up decently well, at least their posture is right. I can’t seem to fix my horrible shoulder posture while performing the push-up after trying every possible trick in the book. I wish there was an easy way around this, I wish someone could help me fix my posture.

Well, I’m not ready to give up yet. I really wish to conquer this challenge and try my best to clear my mental block around this exercise. Yes, mind gives up way before my body does. In this one month, I have to work hard to bring my mind in sync wit

Well, I’m not ready to give up yet. I really wish to conquer this challenge and try my best to clear my mental block around this exercise. Yes, my mind gives up way before the body does. In this one month, I have to work hard to bring my mind in sync with the body and give my best efforts in breaking the self imposed push-up jinx.

I’ll probably jump with joy and celebrate the day I perform a push-up with correct posture. Yes, this is currently the biggest challenge of my life!!

See you at the end of this month when I’ll share my experience with this challenge!

Broken dreams

#30/100

Since I’m too tired to even think today, my today’s post is my first and only attempt at poetry. This poem was written by me about 4 years back after having my heart crushed into a million pieces (I can be dramatic too!). I can laugh about it now but those were some trying times. I must have written this poem with tears in my eyes. Writing this poem did help ease the pain a little bit. I’ve never got around to write another poem after this one.

Her mind goes into overdrive,

To control the heart that wanders astray,

The world that she has in her dreams is too beautiful to leave,

Back to reality, every thought, word and silence is painful,

A moment of happiness turns into lifetime of grief,

She wonders what she could have done better,

To earn this unattainable dream.

Her dreams are too sweet to let go, but mind rigid,

Can she only have this wish? Her heart pleaded,

Time to shake herself awake from this difficult illusion,

There are much better things to look forward to, screamed her mind,

By leaving the best? asked her heart.

To those who stick around..

“The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.”

-Elisabeth Foley

#26/100

As an introverted and shy human being, it has always been very difficult for me to maintain relationships. I don’t recollect being socially awkward as a child but I eventually picked up that “skill” as well during my teenage years. I remember meeting my now best friend in school and having a great time with her. I never really detested school but she made it way more fun than it used to be. However, when she wanted to make me her best friend, I rejected the idea. There was a lot going around at my home at that time so I really didn’t want to open up myself to an outsider. But she didn’t budge and never left my side even when I tried to avoid her. She stuck around and realized the reason behind my distant behaviour. During those days, I was also very submissive and didn’t know how to say no when I really wanted to. I used to bottle up my resentments and ended up holding grudges against my people for a long time. Yet, some of the people who have seen me through my worst are still around.

One of my other closest friends had to bear my silences and absences for long period of time. She is the most selfless person I know and has been my constant source strength throughout all tough times in my life. I have a tendency to hide in my shell and detach myself from the world whenever I’m going through a difficult phase in my life. She always reassured me of her presence and patiently stood around me to get my act together. There were times when I had lost all hope for the future, she made me see the light ahead.

When I was younger, I always felt that I wasn’t enough for people, I wasn’t funny or witty. But somehow I managed to make some great friends back then who are my biggest strengths even now. I might have done something right to be blessed with such incredible souls in my life. The only thing I have always practiced is to be true to myself. During my teenage years I did try to adapt to what was expected from the society but quickly realized that it wasn’t my cup of tea.

Everyone has a family who loves you beyond limits. When you manage to create a second one outside the blood tie, life becomes truly remarkable. My friends add the “extra” to my ordinary life.