A 180 degree change

“Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.”

-Wayne Dyer

Day 10/30

I was lying on the couch today, completely bored out of my wits and for the first time in my life, dreading my birthday that’s going to arrive in 3 days. At the exact moment, my best friend called and told me that the Amazon delivery guy needs to understand the directions to my home and he was also on the line. I realized that she planned a surprise gift for me and I jumped in excitement. Finally, SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO.

The package was delivered and I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw what it contained. It was a pair of mint green shoes that was on my wish list for a very long time!! I recollected having discussed it with her many months ago and I couldn’t believe that she remembered.

I feel so blessed to have friends in my life, who care about me, listen to everything I say and truly wish for my happiness. My day changed from a boring one to one filled with happiness and excitement in a split second.

Why am I dreading my birthday this year? Let me give a disclaimer here, it’s only this year that I’m not excited for my birthday. I usually count the days to my birthday and plan something special to make it memorable. This year though, I feel very unsettled. I don’t know what the future holds. My life isn’t moving forward according to the conventional timelines of the society. I’m dreading any calls know with the fear of being asked the same questions I don’t have an answer to. I have started to avoid some of my close friend’s calls too because I don’t have anything new or interesting to share about my life anymore. I know everyone around me who is asking these questions about my future might be asking it out of concern. But it has instilled a deep fear in me, fear of never crossing those milestones in my life. I am truly scared.

I don’t know what to do to get out of this situation in life. I desperately wish for my life to take a 180 degree change. I want the society to stop asking me these questions. I want to be in control of my life again. I want to feel settled.

Soulmates

#19/100

“It’s so easy to fall in love but hard to find someone who will catch you”

-Anonymous

Ever since childhood, I’ve been a big fan of romantic comedies. I find intense love stories too cheesy or dramatic. Rom-coms make me go through various emotions without failing to make me laugh throughout it. That’s exactly why I’m pulled towards it like a magnet. It probably started when SRK swooned Kajol in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. This movie’s theme was based on the idea of best friends who discover later that they love each other. Since this was the first movie I had watched when I was sensible enough to understand love stories, my entire idea of love was based on the theme of this movie.

Life moved on and my idea of love has changed dramatically since then. With each new movie or show, I get new perspectives on this very important element of every human’s life. My favorite rom-coms always have amazing male characters. Although every character is different from each other, I always end up falling in love with the chivalrous characters who respect their woman and cherish them. These traits aren’t too much to ask for however I haven’t come across such adorable men in real life. I know many men who are amazing human beings and I absolutely respect them for that. I guess, I’m talking about the male lead of my life.

This is one phase of life that no one has any control over. I recently completed a series where the male lead was heads over heels in love with the female lead and didn’t beat around the bush to express his feelings for her. He knew she was the one and waited patiently for her to realize that. Rom-coms are beautiful. They always tend to teleport me to a parallel universe where every story has a happy ending. However at the end I’m jolted back to reality with a huge void in my heart. I’ve been patiently waiting for my male lead every since I watched Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. Unlike in movies/shows, this process can be excruciatingly slow for some people.

I know I’ll eventually find a new rom-com that’ll fill the void for a little while. Sometime’s life tests my patience to a level that I feel like giving up on this dream. But a new beautiful rom-com ends up reassuring my faith in destiny and soulmates. No one knows what the future has in store, it’s better to dream of a happy ending than otherwise.

Extra dramatic!

#3/100

Today I would like to reminisce the day of my Chartered Accountant (C.A.) final results, 19th July 2012. The process of studying for this grueling exams and the stress build up before the result day calls for 2 totally independent blog posts. I would just like to narrate the sequence of events on July 19th leading up to declaration of my results.

During those days I was a very superstitious, religious, god-fearing young girl. I had no confidence in checking the results on my own or be present in my house when the results came out. My parents, especially my mother had huge expectations from me and I couldn’t let her down.

My preparations for the exam weren’t up to the mark and I wasn’t confident about my performance. Clearing the exams was more of a desperate need than an achievement. I wouldn’t have been able to face my mother had the results been negative. On July 19th, we got a notification in the morning saying that the results have been delayed. Instead of 2 pm in the afternoon, they were supposed to come in the evening.

I couldn’t stay at home anymore, my mind was working overtime to churn out all possible negative thoughts. I told my mother I’d visit a temple and come back. Now, this temple that I was supposed to visit is more than a hour away from my home. I figured it was a good way to pass my time rather than sit at home waiting for the clock to tick faster. I went to a specific temple I desperately wanted to visit to calm myself down. When I reached the place, I saw that the temple had been closed for a break in the afternoon. I was a little dejected but decided to stay there till the time they were supposed to re-open it. After about half an hour, I couldn’t sit there any longer and decided to walk towards another temple close by.

This walk has to be the most momentous walk of my life. About 5 minutes before I could reach the temple, I started getting calls on my phone. Panic struck that the results have been declared, I chose not to look at the mobile and continue my steps towards the temple. I switched off my cell phone owing to the continuous calls and messages. I had decided to keep chanting positive affirmations in my mind till I reached the temple. I went inside the temple, prayed and switched on my phone. The phone screen flashed with “Mom calling”. I took a deep breath and pressed on receive.

Me : Hello

Mom : Where were you? I’ve been trying to reach you since long

Me : What is it? Have the results been declared?

Mom : Yes…..

Mom : YOU CLEARED!!!

Me : What? Really? (I genuinely couldn’t believe what I had just heard!)

Mom : YOU CLEARED!!! YOU ARE A CHARTERED ACCOUNTANT!

Honestly, the fact that I had become a Chartered Accountant didn’t sink in for days after the result. Today, 8 years after the results and living my life as a Chartered Accountant, I can’t help but laugh at the extra dramatic manner in which I ushered in the result news, inside a temple for crying out loud!

The missing pendant

#1/100

To kick start my first article of this challenge, let me document one of the most miraculous days of my life.

Ever since my childhood, I had developed a habit of wearing a gold chain on my neck. I call it a habit because I’m not particularly interested in jewelry or accessorizing as such, it’s just a thing I had picked up as part of our community values. I know it doesn’t make sense at all, it’s just one of the crazy things we south Indians do, “Your neck looks bare, wear a gold chain!”

As I started using the public transport for my work commute, I became extremely fearful of wearing a gold chain on a daily basis. There have been many instances of chain snatching on the trains or railway platforms and that honestly scared the shit out of me. I still carried on with determination and built up my confidence after almost a decade of using the public transport.

However, an incident that took place about a year and a half back forced me to change my view on this. I had started going on long morning runs ranging from 7 to 10 kms during the weekends. On one such run, after completing few rounds, I slowly felt my gold chain slipping through my back. I turned around and saw it on the ground. In the momentary celebration of having found my gold chain back I realized that it didn’t have the most important element, my precious tortoise pendant.

Although I didn’t have an interest in wearing jewelry, I absolutely loved the pendant. It was a beautiful small gold and diamond pendant in the shape of a tortoise, it even had eyes carved on it for crying out loud! Let me insert a reference picture here for you to understand why I absolutely adored it.

https://www.bluestone.com/pendants/the-tortoise-pendant~9509.html

The realization struck soon, I might have lost the pendant way before the gold chain slipped from my neck and I just wasn’t ready to lose it. I was running on a concrete road with tiny pebbles and leaves all around. It was physically next to impossible to find the pendant on the ground. I still spent the next 45 mins going over the same stretch of the road multiple times to try and locate my precious pendant. All through the ordeal, my mind was exceptionally calm and confident that I would find it. However, the positive chatter soon ended when I wasn’t successful in retrieving it. Reluctantly, I decided to head back home. I couldn’t complete my running target either and honestly that bothered me even more.

I started taking painfully slow steps back home with my eyes still fixated on the ground, eagerly trying to locate my precious pendant, without any hope left to find it. I walked for sometime, probably the most disappointing walk of my life, when my eyes fell on something shiny on the ground. You’ve got to be kidding me, there lay my pendant, smothered in mud and tiny pebbles! This place was way behind the path where I had felt my chain slipping from my neck so I had no inclination of searching for it here. My pendant had slipped from the chain almost a kilometre before the chain lost it’s balance. I had spent 45 mins looking for it in the completely wrong direction and path. I was exhilarated! I absolutely couldn’t believe my luck! I found my pendant back!

I had an exciting story to share to my mom that day and also a valid reason for tucking the chain and pendant safely inside the locker. To celebrate this miraculous victory, I decided to complete the run that was disrupted by the missing pendant incident. Yeah, that’s how I celebrate, I run!