Being selfless towards the selfish

“Man is not, by nature, deserving of all that he wants. When we think that we are automatically entitled to something, that is when we start walking all over others to get it.

–Criss Jami

Joey once said in an episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S., “There is no such thing as a selfless good deed“. But what about certain things/acts that doesn’t make you happy yet you are obliged to do so. Being selfless is one of the biggest virtues of humankind. To keep other’s wishes/happiness before your own can be difficult and extremely exhausting, especially when you don’t want to do it. What’s the way out in such situations? I have absolutely no clue as I am struggling to find it myself.

As a child, I am aware my responsibilities towards my parents. However, when most of your childhood memories consists of irresponsible behavior, disruptive daily life, lack of communication, unapproachable attitude, you tend to drift away from the source of this negativity. You do not want to associate yourself with such a person who has caused you a lot of pain and trauma while growing up. All you now seek is peace of mind and the right to be heard, be it your opinions or choices. However, some people can be extremely overbearing with their demands. They force their inabilities onto others without thinking of how it would make the other person feel. The other person might literally be having a mental breakdown but in order to do the task, they will be reminded about their moral obligations and that does the trick.

Since there is no way out, you discharge your moral responsibilities, time and again. But what’s in it for you? It doesn’t make you happy at all, on the other hand, it’s a constant source of stress and frustration for you. So that’s ruled out. You accumulate good karma and will be rewarded by the Universe in the near future. These things sound very hopeful but in the present moment, all you can think about is a way to end this misery.

So contradictory to Joey’s popular statement, selfless good deeds absolutely exist and it makes the doer feel horrible. I don’t wish for anything else, I only want peace and happiness in my life. Since there is no concrete solution to this issue and trying to put some sense to the source of this frustration is pointless, it is better to accept our fate and discharge our responsibilities with utmost sincerity. Resisting it, fighting it and avoiding it has been unsuccessful every single time. It’s time to leave our worries to the Universe and only concentrate on things that make us happy.

Ma, mom, mother

#53/100

“I realized when you look at your mother, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know.”

–Mitch Albom

My mom is the reason behind my existence, literally, figuratively and practically. I can’t even begin to describe the innumerable sacrifices she made in her life to raise her kids. She basically lived her life for us till we were capable enough to live it on our own. She is the most selfless person I know and I won’t ever be able to repay her back for everything she had to give up to raise us.

When I was little, I used to cry every single time I saw tears in my mom’s eyes. My parents had a rocky relationship and they fought almost everyday throughout my childhood years. My father is the one to be blamed here. As a kid it was my earnest desire to work hard for a life where my mom would be happy. I couldn’t see her cry. I wanted to build a life for her which never gave her a reason to cry out of helplessness.

I’m blessed and extremely grateful today as we got over that rocky phase in our life. After everything that my mom went through, one would expect her to be bitter about her past and hold a lot of grudges and regrets. But that’s not the case here. She is the most vibrant and positive person I know. Her growth in life has been tremendous and I’m extremely proud of her. I am bitter about my childhood without have to experience 1% of the hardships my mom had to face. Her strength, positivity and happiness shines bright on us and gives me hope to live a stress free life.

But she cried yesterday, because of me. No, it’s not because of something I did. She is worried about about my marriage (or the lack of it). It’s her ardent desire to see me happy and settled in life, be married to a good guy. However, this one wish is taking too long to fulfill. I felt really bad but I’m in a dilemma here. I can’t force myself to get married just for the sake of it. I am a product of a bad marriage and I can’t lead the same life again. She doesn’t expect me to do that either. She feels helpless in this situation. I feel the same too. This is truly something that I can’t fix on my own.

The rock star that my mom is, she gets back to being her bright self again in a second. Usually I don’t bother about the stress related to my marriage much. But yesterday when I saw my mom in tears, it just hit me too hard. After a long phase of desperation, loneliness, self pity, lack of confidence, insecurity, low self esteem, I am finally happy in my own skin. But the society isn’t! I don’t know why there is an age limit attached to marriage and the society is hell bent on making parents feel guilty and scared about their children’s life if they don’t get married within that time frame. I am hopeful of a bright future and a happy life, with or without marriage. I really wish the society ceases to glorify marriage and stops considering a person’s life futile without it.