Life goes on

“Life goes on, let’s live on”

-BTS

My mental health was in shambles right before BTS’s last release “Dynamite” on August 21st this year. I remember having listened to the song on loop for hours on end during my bus travel to and fro from office as it was one of the very few things that gave me comfort during that time. The song felt like a tight hug and helped pick the broken pieces of my soul together to heal it. Exactly 3 months later, I’m not feeling my best self again. I had vowed last time when I felt disoriented to keep finding happiness in the small things that make up life and focus on keeping myself sane. Currently, I’m struggling to consistently do it yet fighting hard against the demons of my mind to not give up.

Right when I need it, BTS have dropped their new album “BE” today. I’m in office again, away from social media as I wait to get back home and watch the music video with my sister. I don’t have to go through an excruciatingly long bus ride this time, my travel time has eased up. I’m extremely excited to listen to the song, I’m sure it’s exactly what I need at the moment to get back on track. BTS’s existence in my life and listening to their songs have unfailingly been a rock solid source of my happiness. You can imagine from this description how special each one of their album comebacks is. I’m glad BTS have come at the right time as my knights in shining armour to save me from falling into the dark hole of negativity.

Less than 3 hrs to go for me to reach home and I can’t contain my excitement. I’m sure all of us must have that one thing that acts as their constant source of happiness. Hold it tight and keep coming back to it to keep the negative emotions at bay. For all the BTS armies out there, a new era has begun!

Under the weather

“The great thing, then, in all education, is to make our nervous system our ally instead of our enemy.”

William James

Last few days have been very difficult, mentally. I’ve been experiencing bouts of anxiety, sadness and despair. I’m trying to fight it with regular exercise and consistent meditation. These habits are a life savior as I’ve mentioned many times before yet I’m struggling to stay sane and happy these days.

The reason behind my anxiety can’t be pointed to one single event. I’m anxious about a lot of things mostly related to my future and the society’s expectations from it. My father is a super hyper and anxious stress taker and that doesn’t help. My mother is trying her level best to fight the naysayers and not let it trouble me but I know for a fact that it affects her badly. My existence has suddenly become a source of burden for my family as far as my age and marriage prospects are concerned. I really don’t know who decided to set an age benchmark to gauge the successes and failures in life. Whoever did it, their thoughts are redundant in the current day and age but very few people understand this. I don’t know what I should do to stop being a cause of concern to my family. Marriage is indeed a big event for everyone except the one who is required to do it without being mentally prepared for it. In the midst of this, I lost out on a good job opportunity and that just made the situation worse.

Trying to meditate, workout and journal my way out of this. I wish to document this as much as possible so that I feel an immense sense of gratitude when this difficult phase ends. Our human mind is quiet resilient, it tends to hide the traumatic experiences of life in a vault at the most remote corner of our brain to quicken the recovery process. But I would like to come back to these journals so that I know that I have to ability to deal with such situations in future too!

I wish for all of you to have an unlimited supply of happiness and inner peace!