Just the way you are

#44/100

Out human mind is so fickle. I believe we are under a constant state of metamorphosis in our thoughts, likes, dislikes and every single detail that makes us who we are. We wouldn’t be able to relate to our past self today. I was in conversation with my younger sister about my personality back in the day (probably a decade ago) and it left me questioning my choices in life!

I was a very happy child turned into a cowardly teenager. I had all sorts of issues, self esteem, low confidence, hatred towards my own self, body weight, you name it, I had it. But all those issues and my battle in overcoming them have made me the person I am today. When I was going through those issues, I never ever imagined in my wildest dreams to reach a point in life when I won’t have them anymore. I still can’t imagine it but those issues have toned down a lot and have given me the strength to deal with them in the right manner.

When I was younger, one of my biggest concerns was not standing up for myself. Forget big issues, I couldn’t even say “no” when I desperately wanted to. I always thought that people will ditch me if I don’t go by their choices. I never voiced my thoughts or let anyone know if I had a difference of opinion. What made me change this destructive behavior? I learnt to love myself, brick by brick, step by step. About 2 years back, I saw the movie “You can heal your life” at a close friend’s suggestion. The entire movie is based on the concept of accepting and loving our self. It seems like a really basic concept but the most difficult one to implement. If we ever pay close attention to our thoughts, it’ll blow our mind into a million pieces. Our thoughts can be fiercely negative and horrific at times. A few moments in silence with our thoughts might make us wonder as to why we hate ourselves so much. Learning to love ourselves is the first step to a better life and calmer mind. Just imagine if you could make your mind your best friend, won’t you be invincible? There won’t be any room for negative thoughts or emotions, our mind will motivate and push us to be the best in every situation, just like a best friend does.

Once I had this realization, I could work on changing myself for the better. It took a lot of effort to reach my current version and I’m still a work in progress. But, I’m definitely a lot more happier and content with my personality and life now. Let’s not be so harsh on ourselves, our inner child needs all the love and care it can get. Let’s feed our selves with positive thoughts, be grateful for our life and make it easy to forgive ourselves.

The blame game

#15/100

All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, it will not change you.

-Wayne Dyer

Do you have a person in your life who you hold accountable for all your troubles? I’m not talking about finding a scapegoat to pin all your worries on. This person might have actually caused a huge hindrance in your life. Your life would have panned out differently without the involvement of this person. It could be a toxic friend, sibling or parent. Someone who is a big part of your life yet a hindrance to your growth.

What do we do with such people? How should we ignore their negative energy in our life? Mind you this is a person you care about the most and can’t disassociate yourself with. Yet their insecurities, fears, selfishness, lack of knowledge casts a shadow on your life. You feel like you are are stuck in a rut and desperately seek a way out. Since this person couldn’t take responsibility of their life along with the ones dependent on them, you rose to the occasion. But this person would never accept their in-capabilities or acknowledge your efforts in setting things on the right path.

Now that you’ve been handling these responsibilities for a while, you feel lost in this journey of life. You do not understand the reason for your existence. You feel like you’ve given up a lot of your time for other people in your life and cannot identify with yourself anymore. The responsibilities that drove you earlier and gave you a purpose have transformed into a burden. You gave up the crucial days of your life trying to set things right for your family and ended up without experiencing the carelessness and freedom enjoyed by a teenager. Now that you are an adult and are ‘expected‘ to take care of everything, you want your childhood back, your innocence back, you feel like taking a backseat.

There’s a turmoil in your mind and you take it all out on the person who was supposed to make you feel safe, be there for you, shield you from troubles and guide you. But they didn’t do any of it. Is it right to keep accusing the person for your troubled past, burdened present and blurry future? Can we allow another person’s inadequacies to control our life’s decisions?

I’m a big admirer of Oprah Winfrey and absolutely look up to her for motivation and guidance. She had a troubled childhood too, yet she didn’t let that define her destiny. With everything that went wrong in her life, she discovered her purpose and aligned her life’s choices with it. Despite all the accolades, fame and fortune earned by her, I respect her for being happy with her life. Everything else is superficial if it can’t give you peace and happiness. One of her famous sayings goes like :-

“You are responsible for your life.”

It’s a simple and profound thought yet extremely difficult to implement. Especially when you have dealt with many situations in life which you weren’t responsible for and were beyond your control. But these situations are a matter of the past now. Your reactions to these situations determines your present and future.

I have to accept this harsh reality. I would be able to see the silver lining and maybe change my life for the better once I own my life in it’s entirety. I’m clueless on how to begin the process of doing what it takes to take the reins of my happiness. I might stumble and fall along the way but hope to be persistent on this pursuit of being responsible for my life.