Good news, bad news

#55/100

I used to be a very cowardly and superstitious person before. It took a lot of understanding, reading, listening and soul searching to overcome my fear of the unknown. I can’t say that I’m completely over it yet, but I try my best in every situation to think practically before coming to any conclusion. I try to question every tradition and custom and do my own research to find out the source of these practices.

Today started on a great note. I had applied for an IPO (initial public offering) for a company which was oversubscribed by 73.3 times. In layman’s terms, the odds for landing an allotment for this IPO were 73:1. The system is lottery based, there is no particular criteria to land an allotment for such IPOs, it depends totally on your luck. People tend to apply multiple lots through separate accounts to land up getting at least one lot. Even after going through so much trouble, many people tend to get nothing. I applied for one lot and to my pleasant surprise, got allotted!!! The universe is in my favor today, it has been in my favor for a long time now. I got allotted for shares that were vied by 73 other people. I shared the news with my closed ones and somehow started worrying about being the lucky one here. I couldn’t shrug off a feeling of uneasiness after being truly happy with my luck.

A while later, I got a phone call from my mom in the afternoon saying that she had slipped and injured her hand. I was very worried but she assured me that she wasn’t in pain. Why did this happen today of all days when I was celebrating my good luck?

I don’t understand why I still tend to be scared of being too happy. I don’t know if others too feel the same way. My friends do. They fear the “evil eye“. I know it sounds really old fashioned and lame. Even I used to believe in it before. We fear people’s attention on our happy times, a good relationship, prosperous life or any success for that matter. We fear that bad times will follow good ones. However, when we are going through a low phase, we believe that the phase is never ending and there’s absolutely no way out of it. Why does the mind behave in the exact opposite manner when we are happy? Why is being happy considered a luxury?

Over the years I’ve become extremely stubborn and gritty with my beliefs. Nothing good came to my life by being fearful and superstitious. So now I behave in the exact opposite manner and don’t care what happens. I go with the flow, take life as it comes and learn from my experiences, the good, bad and ugly!

The endless wait

#48/100

“Patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen in a different order than the one you have in your mind.”

-David G. Allen

Ever since I started my 100 day writing challenge, most of my initial posts were rants about my current workplace. I desperately wish to leave it and join a new office environment where employees aren’t ordered around like machines, their efforts are appreciated and they are treated with the dignity and respect that they deserve.

About 2 weeks back I gave an interview for a job profile I was unsure about. I also wrote a post here about my experience in getting over the anxiety of attending an interview after almost 2 years. I gave the interview without any expectations or hope of cracking it. My only intention behind giving the interview was to get over my fear. The interview was decent and I was pleasantly surprised to get a callback on the same day for my next round.

The next round on Monday also had me jitters as it required me to attend a video call. For a person who is not too fond of interviews, convincing the mind to do it regardless is the biggest hurdle. The second round also went decently well and the interviewer told me they would finalize the candidate by Friday. The next few days I just enjoyed the feeling of not having to go through the fear and anxiety of having an upcoming interview to attend to. I don’t really know why I’m so scared of them. I hate being under the limelight and having myself judged by a random stranger, especially when I’m supposed to put my best foot forward and create a good impression. It’s way too much to expect out of a first meeting. I’m a shy person and creating a great first impression might not be my forte. I am a much better version of myself now though. I remember going blank and not uttering a single word in one of my very first job interviews.

The next 3 days also had me ponder over the pros and cons of this job profile. The company is great, it’s one of the biggest banks in the world. My biggest issue was with the location and timings. The job location is insanely far from my residence, I might have to shift to a rented place near the office. If I manage to shift to a nearby location, the job timings wouldn’t be much of an issue. The other big concern was with my current job’s appraisals and bonus declaration. These are supposed to take place by mid October and I don’t wish to sacrifice it for the sake of a new job. My current workplace has been horrendous in taking care of the mental health and safety of their employees. I want to quit after getting my dues which has been unreasonably delayed by my organisation.

Last Friday I got a call from the new place to update my job details on a given link. I haven’t heard back from them after that. I’m aware that the chances of getting this job seem very bleak at the moment but I don’t want to lose hope. I wish that I get a call at the right moment after having my bonus and appraisal arrears cleared by my current organisation so that I can quit in peace.

The wait is long but I really hope everything would unfold in my favor. Till then, I’ll be positive, take deep breaths and relax.