Ah, my hate for Mondays knows no limits. Ever since I’ve started working in an office, there hasn’t been a single Monday I’ve been elated about. Sunday evenings always brings a sense of gloom in me. I go through an existential crisis every week in anticipation of each Monday. I wasn’t like this during my school days. I don’t remember being sad with the thought of going to school ever. Yes, end of summer vacations did make upset about losing all the free time to do absolutely nothing. But the disappointment in me before the start of each work week is beyond measure.
In my first ever interview for a job, I was asked “Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years?”. I might have answered in the most dumb manner possible as I was clueless at that point but I did mention that I want to be passionate about the work I do, whatever it is. I never had any long term work related goals back then, I don’t have them now. Getting a job and earning money were one of those things that I had to do owing to the financial condition of my family. I wonder how I would have turned out had there been no financial constraints or responsibility on me to earn for the family.
Well, coming back to Mondays, I’m trying to deal with it better. I try to find happiness in small stuff throughout the week than wait for the weekend to make me happy. Yet, it gets to me sometimes. My work isn’t fulfilling, it defies my personality. Maybe because I have this inherent feeling that all the work that I put in is gone into fulfilling someone else’s dreams. I feel limited in my thoughts and ideas. I have to behave in a certain manner, talk in a certain way, work in a fixed patter, there’s no individuality in the work that I do and that just irks me.
I’m trying hard to derive happiness and fulfillment from it. I’m trying hard to be my best, do my best in every situation that I come across. In return, can I dream of experiencing zero Monday morning blues ever?. I wish to have Sunday evenings where I look forward to the week ahead, plan for the stuff to be accomplished during the week, wait excitedly for Mondays to arrive so that I can work on my projects. I can be completely delusional here but a girl can dream. I’m still in the process of figuring out myself. I hope one day I can turn into the person I can be proud of. Someone who knows themselves inside out, is aware of things that connects with their personality and works for a life that consists of everything that makes them happy and fulfilled. Till then, I’ll go back to understanding myself a little better each day.
“Patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen in a different order than the one you have in your mind.”
-David G. Allen
Ever since I started my 100 day writing challenge, most of my initial posts were rants about my current workplace. I desperately wish to leave it and join a new office environment where employees aren’t ordered around like machines, their efforts are appreciated and they are treated with the dignity and respect that they deserve.
About 2 weeks back I gave an interview for a job profile I was unsure about. I also wrote a post here about my experience in getting over the anxiety of attending an interview after almost 2 years. I gave the interview without any expectations or hope of cracking it. My only intention behind giving the interview was to get over my fear. The interview was decent and I was pleasantly surprised to get a callback on the same day for my next round.
The next round on Monday also had me jitters as it required me to attend a video call. For a person who is not too fond of interviews, convincing the mind to do it regardless is the biggest hurdle. The second round also went decently well and the interviewer told me they would finalize the candidate by Friday. The next few days I just enjoyed the feeling of not having to go through the fear and anxiety of having an upcoming interview to attend to. I don’t really know why I’m so scared of them. I hate being under the limelight and having myself judged by a random stranger, especially when I’m supposed to put my best foot forward and create a good impression. It’s way too much to expect out of a first meeting. I’m a shy person and creating a great first impression might not be my forte. I am a much better version of myself now though. I remember going blank and not uttering a single word in one of my very first job interviews.
The next 3 days also had me ponder over the pros and cons of this job profile. The company is great, it’s one of the biggest banks in the world. My biggest issue was with the location and timings. The job location is insanely far from my residence, I might have to shift to a rented place near the office. If I manage to shift to a nearby location, the job timings wouldn’t be much of an issue. The other big concern was with my current job’s appraisals and bonus declaration. These are supposed to take place by mid October and I don’t wish to sacrifice it for the sake of a new job. My current workplace has been horrendous in taking care of the mental health and safety of their employees. I want to quit after getting my dues which has been unreasonably delayed by my organisation.
Last Friday I got a call from the new place to update my job details on a given link. I haven’t heard back from them after that. I’m aware that the chances of getting this job seem very bleak at the moment but I don’t want to lose hope. I wish that I get a call at the right moment after having my bonus and appraisal arrears cleared by my current organisation so that I can quit in peace.
The wait is long but I really hope everything would unfold in my favor. Till then, I’ll be positive, take deep breaths and relax.