Becoming unstoppable

#62/100

“Who you are today is not who you have to be tomorrow.” 

Zdravko Cvijetic

Okay, so there have been few inconsistencies in my life of late. My routine has undergone a 360 degree change. I’m incredibly blessed to have a mother who understands the importance of having a stable mental health and doesn’t force me to do things I don’t feel like. Yet, I know I’m not giving my best. She has fractured her hand and needs complete rest at the moment. I am currently overwhelmed with the responsibilities of the house as well as office at the same time. I have been doing a terrible job at both since the day I took the responsibility.

I have the tendency to consider myself a victim of every uncomfortable situation that I’m put through. My initial reaction is to blame every person/thing that I consider responsible for being the reason behind my misery. My way to cope up with such situations is to do nothing about it. Since I’m a perfectionist, I take a long time to do any work that is expected of me. That makes it difficult for me to manage a lot of work at the same time causing me to procrastinate everything till the last moment.

But I’m really tired of finding the easy way out in all the difficult situations of my life. I always waste time when I have a lot of it. The minute I’m supposed to do something that I don’t wish to do, I’m reminded of all the work that I could have done in that time instead. My defense mechanism goes overboard to make me feel absolutely terrible at times.

So I’ve decided that this time, I won’t pick the safe route. I’ll get all work done, in the manner that I’m supposed to do, to the best of my ability. My mom is my biggest inspiration in life. Her grit and positivity always shines bright on me. The way she has handled all the difficult situations in life can be a rulebook to ones who get scared of it. She gets motivated to work harder when things don’t go as per her wish. I’ve hardly seen her disappointed with failures. She takes every mistake as a learning lesson and challenges herself to do better next time. This is exactly what I’m planning to do.

Cheers to a new challenge. If I can deal with all the brick backs life throws at me and end up learning something new in the process, won’t I become the person that I truly want to be? Be truly unstoppable! Let’s do this!!

Ma, mom, mother

#53/100

“I realized when you look at your mother, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know.”

Mitch Albom

My mom is the reason behind my existence, literally, figuratively and practically. I can’t even begin to describe the innumerable sacrifices she made in her life to raise her kids. She basically lived her life for us till we were capable enough to live it on our own. She is the most selfless person I know and I won’t ever be able to repay her back for everything she had to give up to raise us.

When I was little, I used to cry every single time I saw tears in my mom’s eyes. My parents had a rocky relationship and they fought almost everyday throughout my childhood years. My father is the one to be blamed here. As a kid it was my earnest desire to work hard for a life where my mom would be happy. I couldn’t see her cry. I wanted to build a life for her which never gave her a reason to cry out of helplessness.

I’m blessed and extremely grateful today as we got over that rocky phase in our life. After everything that my mom went through, one would expect her to be bitter about her past and hold a lot of grudges and regrets. But that’s not the case here. She is the most vibrant and positive person I know. Her growth in life has been tremendous and I’m extremely proud of her. I am bitter about my childhood without have to experience 1% of the hardships my mom had to face. Her strength, positivity and happiness shines bright on us and gives me hope to live a stress free life.

But she cried yesterday, because of me. No, it’s not because of something I did. She is worried about about my marriage (or the lack of it). It’s her ardent desire to see me happy and settled in life, be married to a good guy. However, this one wish is taking too long to fulfill. I felt really bad but I’m in a dilemma here. I can’t force myself to get married just for the sake of it. I am a product of a bad marriage and I can’t lead the same life again. She doesn’t expect me to do that either. She feels helpless in this situation. I feel the same too. This is truly something that I can’t fix on my own.

The rock star that my mom is, she gets back to being her bright self again in a second. Usually I don’t bother about the stress related to my marriage much. But yesterday when I saw my mom in tears, it just hit me too hard. After a long phase of desperation, loneliness, self pity, lack of confidence, insecurity, low self esteem, I am finally happy in my own skin. But the society isn’t! I don’t know why there is an age limit attached to marriage and the society is hell bent on making parents feel guilty and scared about their children’s life if they don’t get married within that time frame. I am hopeful of a bright future and a happy life, with or without marriage. I really wish the society ceases to glorify marriage and stops considering a person’s life futile without it.

Lost and found

#14/100

This story dates back to year 2008. I had recently started lectures for my first year in degree college. I was studying for chartered accountancy exams along with a bachelor’s degree in commerce. I used to attend college lectures in the morning from 7 am to 10 am and head to a Chartered Accountant’s office for my articleship for the rest of the day. (Every C.A. student has to serve a mandatory internship under a qualified chartered accountant for 3.5 years called as “Articleship”)

It had barely been 10 days since I was gifted a cellphone by my mother. I was over the moon with this gift as I’ve always been a gadget freak and was waiting to own a cellphone for myself. This cellphone was a huge investment for my mother as we weren’t financially stable during the entire period of my student life. It was more of a necessity rather than a luxury owing to my erratic schedule with college, articleship and tuitions.

The day started with college early in the morning. I wanted to inquire about the travel concession provided by my college and had paid a visit to the college administration department. I went there with the cellphone tucked safely inside my wallet. I was extra cautious not to misplace it or accidentally drop it. But I didn’t pay any attention to my ‘absent mindedness‘ and left the whole wallet with my cellphone at the counter of the department on my way back.

I didn’t realize it till the end of my lectures that day. I bid goodbye to my friends and tried to find my wallet for some cash and went numb when I couldn’t find it inside my bag. A shiver ran down my spine when I realized that I had misplaced my wallet and the cellphone with it. Teary eyed I went back to the lecture hall and searched every nook and cranny but couldn’t find it. I went to the canteen, library and finally the administration department only to be told that they haven’t found any lost item.

I just wasn’t ready to accept the reality. I couldn’t tell my mother that I had lost the cellphone which she had bought for me with much love and after many sacrifices. I called her up eventually and told her the sad news. I burst into tears while talking to her. She tried to calm me down and told me to keep calling my number with the hope of connecting to the person who had caught hold of my cellphone. This felt like a lost cause to me as I knew people aren’t sincere enough to return a brand new cellphone directly placed on to their lap.

I kept calling my number on the way to office. I was in a sunken mood at office and told them about the incident too. They tried their best to cheer me up and kept calling my number to see if someone would receive the call.

That’s exactly when a miracle took place. Someone picked up my number!!! My colleague talked to the person who turned out to be the librarian. He told her that a student had found my wallet and gave it to the librarian for safekeeping. I absolutely couldn’t believe my ears. I was going to get my cellphone back!

I ran towards the college (technically took an auto but in my mind I was dramatically running towards my cellphone), reached the library and collected my wallet with the biggest smile on my face. The call was received at the exact moment when I had lost all hope of getting the wallet and cellphone back. I prayed for the student who gave back my lost stuff without any malicious intent. I went back with chocolates for my colleagues to celebrate the unusual ‘lost and found” incident. I again got moist eyed when I told my mother that I had found my precious cellphone.