Ma, mom, mother

#53/100

“I realized when you look at your mother, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know.”

Mitch Albom

My mom is the reason behind my existence, literally, figuratively and practically. I can’t even begin to describe the innumerable sacrifices she made in her life to raise her kids. She basically lived her life for us till we were capable enough to live it on our own. She is the most selfless person I know and I won’t ever be able to repay her back for everything she had to give up to raise us.

When I was little, I used to cry every single time I saw tears in my mom’s eyes. My parents had a rocky relationship and they fought almost everyday throughout my childhood years. My father is the one to be blamed here. As a kid it was my earnest desire to work hard for a life where my mom would be happy. I couldn’t see her cry. I wanted to build a life for her which never gave her a reason to cry out of helplessness.

I’m blessed and extremely grateful today as we got over that rocky phase in our life. After everything that my mom went through, one would expect her to be bitter about her past and hold a lot of grudges and regrets. But that’s not the case here. She is the most vibrant and positive person I know. Her growth in life has been tremendous and I’m extremely proud of her. I am bitter about my childhood without have to experience 1% of the hardships my mom had to face. Her strength, positivity and happiness shines bright on us and gives me hope to live a stress free life.

But she cried yesterday, because of me. No, it’s not because of something I did. She is worried about about my marriage (or the lack of it). It’s her ardent desire to see me happy and settled in life, be married to a good guy. However, this one wish is taking too long to fulfill. I felt really bad but I’m in a dilemma here. I can’t force myself to get married just for the sake of it. I am a product of a bad marriage and I can’t lead the same life again. She doesn’t expect me to do that either. She feels helpless in this situation. I feel the same too. This is truly something that I can’t fix on my own.

The rock star that my mom is, she gets back to being her bright self again in a second. Usually I don’t bother about the stress related to my marriage much. But yesterday when I saw my mom in tears, it just hit me too hard. After a long phase of desperation, loneliness, self pity, lack of confidence, insecurity, low self esteem, I am finally happy in my own skin. But the society isn’t! I don’t know why there is an age limit attached to marriage and the society is hell bent on making parents feel guilty and scared about their children’s life if they don’t get married within that time frame. I am hopeful of a bright future and a happy life, with or without marriage. I really wish the society ceases to glorify marriage and stops considering a person’s life futile without it.

The missing pendant

#1/100

To kick start my first article of this challenge, let me document one of the most miraculous days of my life.

Ever since my childhood, I had developed a habit of wearing a gold chain on my neck. I call it a habit because I’m not particularly interested in jewelry or accessorizing as such, it’s just a thing I had picked up as part of our community values. I know it doesn’t make sense at all, it’s just one of the crazy things we south Indians do, “Your neck looks bare, wear a gold chain!”

As I started using the public transport for my work commute, I became extremely fearful of wearing a gold chain on a daily basis. There have been many instances of chain snatching on the trains or railway platforms and that honestly scared the shit out of me. I still carried on with determination and built up my confidence after almost a decade of using the public transport.

However, an incident that took place about a year and a half back forced me to change my view on this. I had started going on long morning runs ranging from 7 to 10 kms during the weekends. On one such run, after completing few rounds, I slowly felt my gold chain slipping through my back. I turned around and saw it on the ground. In the momentary celebration of having found my gold chain back I realized that it didn’t have the most important element, my precious tortoise pendant.

Although I didn’t have an interest in wearing jewelry, I absolutely loved the pendant. It was a beautiful small gold and diamond pendant in the shape of a tortoise, it even had eyes carved on it for crying out loud! Let me insert a reference picture here for you to understand why I absolutely adored it.

https://www.bluestone.com/pendants/the-tortoise-pendant~9509.html

The realization struck soon, I might have lost the pendant way before the gold chain slipped from my neck and I just wasn’t ready to lose it. I was running on a concrete road with tiny pebbles and leaves all around. It was physically next to impossible to find the pendant on the ground. I still spent the next 45 mins going over the same stretch of the road multiple times to try and locate my precious pendant. All through the ordeal, my mind was exceptionally calm and confident that I would find it. However, the positive chatter soon ended when I wasn’t successful in retrieving it. Reluctantly, I decided to head back home. I couldn’t complete my running target either and honestly that bothered me even more.

I started taking painfully slow steps back home with my eyes still fixated on the ground, eagerly trying to locate my precious pendant, without any hope left to find it. I walked for sometime, probably the most disappointing walk of my life, when my eyes fell on something shiny on the ground. You’ve got to be kidding me, there lay my pendant, smothered in mud and tiny pebbles! This place was way behind the path where I had felt my chain slipping from my neck so I had no inclination of searching for it here. My pendant had slipped from the chain almost a kilometre before the chain lost it’s balance. I had spent 45 mins looking for it in the completely wrong direction and path. I was exhilarated! I absolutely couldn’t believe my luck! I found my pendant back!

I had an exciting story to share to my mom that day and also a valid reason for tucking the chain and pendant safely inside the locker. To celebrate this miraculous victory, I decided to complete the run that was disrupted by the missing pendant incident. Yeah, that’s how I celebrate, I run!