Make it right

“I just wanna be happier”

-Lyrics from song “Blue & Grey”, Album “BE’ by BTS

I had a 2 weeks mandatory leave from office (to be taken once a year as per company policy) which ends today. Since I value time off from my office way too much, I tried to live every moment of these 2 weeks. I travelled to Bangalore with my mom to my younger sister’s place as she works there, to spend time with her. We planned a short trip to Mysore and enjoyed it to bits. We also had a grand reunion with all of my maternal cousins and had a house party. More than the party, I just enjoyed the presence of every single member of my extended family whom I met after 2 years and loved spending time with them. When I was younger, we used to visit my maternal ancestral home in Mangalore once a year during summer vacations. Although we never had a full house with all of my cousins during most of these trips, we always had a blast whenever we met. This time too, we cherished all the old childhood memories and just loved the fact that everyone was present in the same room, at the same time after almost 2 years!

In the last 3 days of the vacation, my youngest cousin joined us at my sister’s apartment and we had fun like it was no one’s business. She shares similar personality traits with me and my sister which makes it a blissful experience whenever we spend time with each other. We talked till the middle of the night, shopped till we dropped (well my sister did, she doesn’t particularly enjoy shopping at local stores, ate a lot of JUNK food, laughed our hearts out and had a really GOOD time. I had planned to continue all my good habits such as reading books, meditation, workout, write in my journal on this vacation. I did it the first 3 days and didn’t feel the need to do any of it to be “HAPPY” the rest of the days. I genuinely enjoyed myself on this vacation and was stress free the entire time. I never skip any of these good habits back home because I REALLY need them to keep me SANE and HAPPY. These good habits are my escape from the monotony and stress of my life and that’s the reason I didn’t reach out to them to make me happy on my vacation.

I came back home after having a mind blowing vacation and still had 5 days to go for my leave to end. The next 5 days were spent lazying around, cleaning (tried cleaning my wardrobe and closet partially using the Marie Kondo method), EATING and enjoying every single second of free time that I had earned after living a year full of routine (Wake up > Office > Home > Repeat). It honestly felt amazing to not stress over waking up early, having a specific train to board, reaching office at a specific time, making a to-do list, waiting for lunch time to get out of the office and chill for sometime with my office bestie, get back to work, wait for the day to end, pray that I get a empty seat in the train, reach home starved and fatigued, have dinner while watching random videos on YouTube, finally go to sleep feeling unsettled and unproductive.

By the end of the day, the voices in my head keep questioning me about my life decisions,

  • Where am I heading?
  • Why can’t I do better?
  • What do I really want?
  • Why do I dread going to office?
  • Why do I hate my career path at the moment?
  • Why does office feel like a professional prison?
  • Why did I feel like a free bird (like a prisoner on parole) during my vacation?
  • When will I stop feeling like this?

I try to reason with my mind, find answers to these questions by self introspection without respite and eventually fall asleep. I wake up to a new day feeling optimistic but end up feeling the same way after repeating my monotonous routine.

I’m sure people reading this might find my dilemma trivial. Just find a new job, take a break, quit your job, follow your passion, think deeply about what you like, so on and so forth. I really admire people who LOVE their career. That’s what I am aiming for. Finding a career that doesn’t make you feel like running away from it during weekends and vacations is what I seek. I may seem delusional at the moment but I sincerely hope to find it soon. In the absence of this discovery, I might lead a robotic life, devoid of any emotions, passion and excitement in life and regret how I spent my time on earth by the end of it.

For all those who enjoy your work, I admire you and hope to be like you.

For the ones who feel the same way as me, hang in there. It’ll all make sense soon, just don’t stop trying. Fight hard!

A brand new work week awaits for me. Please send me all the positive energy in this Universe, I really need it tomorrow!

Let’s manifest

“You manifest what you believe, not what you want.” 

-Sonia Ricotti

What do you do when you desperately want to achieve your wishes in life? You pray for it, talk about it to anyone and everyone you know or can think about, write it down and work day in and out towards it and hope that the Universe finds you worthy of granting your wishes. What if you’ve tried every trick in the book yet your wishes are far from getting fulfilled? You feel stuck, out of place and confused. That’s exactly how I feel at the moment. I feel so horribly stuck in life that it seems like a never ending quicksand.

I’m tired of feeling stuck in life and want it to change, DESPERATELY. My desire is to be FREE LIKE A BIRD and experience life in all it’s glory. Today morning, as I was fighting one of those many low phases where I feel drained and on the verge of giving up, the fighting spirit in me revolted and urged to me to try my best, again! So, I googled “How to manifest the life of your dreams?” and decided to do everything in my capacity to follow whatever steps the search results come up with. After going through quiet a few articles, I’ll write down the common points below for “our” easy reference.

  • Set your intention right :- The Universe should be aware of exactly what we need for it to fulfill it. Our goals need to be crisp and clear. We can follow the (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Time-Bound) method to list down our goals. For eg : I want to complete a 10 km run in 58 mins by 31st December 2021.
  • Don’t resist, persist! :- We tend to have a lot of resistance in our mind when it comes to working on our goals. Anxiety, fear, sadness, procrastination, disbelief, doubts, regrets are all forms of resistance that pull us away from our goals. Find out things that have the ability to put you in a happy state of mind (in my case, meditation, workout, listening to music, blogging) and reach out to them whenever you get pulled by the “resistance” mindset. You can try creating a powerful morning routine which includes all the stuff that has the ability to make you happy. You can also try chanting powerful affirmations whenever your mind starts building up the resistance emotions.
  • Live the dream and be present in the moment :- This is the tricky part. This is where I fail most of the times. Develop a firm belief that you deserve the absolute best in life. Our emotions have the power to attract our reality. If we are sad, anxious and crippled with disbelief, the Universe will create more instances in our life for us to continue to feel the same way. Just think of what would happen if we focus on the positives in our life and make way for the Universe to spread more happy and positive vibes around. Believe that you deserve to ACHIEVE your goals.
  • Walk the talk :- Once you are sure of what you want from the Universe, don’t slack off waiting for your demands to turn to reality (just like that!). Work hard on your goals, little by little, each day and make sure to take all necessary steps to move closer to your goals. Leave the rest to the Universe to manifest.
  • If you quit, you lose! Keep going!:- Gratefulness, consistency and patience are 3 extremely powerful process/behavior that cannot be skipped in the manifestation process. Many people stumble and fall off with the first disappointment or failure in the process of working on their goals. If we change our mindset from “Yes or No” to “Yes or Learn“, we have the power to go through many new and unique experiences in our life without being anxious or negative about it. Create a gratitude journal and write in it daily, maintain a daily record of your day and write down the tiniest things that helped you inch closer to your goals and grow with each experience, whether it ends in your favour or not.

And that’s it. This is as simple as it gets. My tagline for 2021 is “Manifest” which means I’ll try everything in my capacity to manifest a happy, fulfilled life. I’ve shared the process with you so that we can start this journey together (in case any of you want to try it too!). I’ll share my experiences as and when I achieve my goals or learn something new along the process.

We are in this together, let’s do this!