Ah, my hate for Mondays knows no limits. Ever since I’ve started working in an office, there hasn’t been a single Monday I’ve been elated about. Sunday evenings always brings a sense of gloom in me. I go through an existential crisis every week in anticipation of each Monday. I wasn’t like this during my school days. I don’t remember being sad with the thought of going to school ever. Yes, end of summer vacations did make upset about losing all the free time to do absolutely nothing. But the disappointment in me before the start of each work week is beyond measure.
In my first ever interview for a job, I was asked “Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years?”. I might have answered in the most dumb manner possible as I was clueless at that point but I did mention that I want to be passionate about the work I do, whatever it is. I never had any long term work related goals back then, I don’t have them now. Getting a job and earning money were one of those things that I had to do owing to the financial condition of my family. I wonder how I would have turned out had there been no financial constraints or responsibility on me to earn for the family.
Well, coming back to Mondays, I’m trying to deal with it better. I try to find happiness in small stuff throughout the week than wait for the weekend to make me happy. Yet, it gets to me sometimes. My work isn’t fulfilling, it defies my personality. Maybe because I have this inherent feeling that all the work that I put in is gone into fulfilling someone else’s dreams. I feel limited in my thoughts and ideas. I have to behave in a certain manner, talk in a certain way, work in a fixed patter, there’s no individuality in the work that I do and that just irks me.
I’m trying hard to derive happiness and fulfillment from it. I’m trying hard to be my best, do my best in every situation that I come across. In return, can I dream of experiencing zero Monday morning blues ever?. I wish to have Sunday evenings where I look forward to the week ahead, plan for the stuff to be accomplished during the week, wait excitedly for Mondays to arrive so that I can work on my projects. I can be completely delusional here but a girl can dream. I’m still in the process of figuring out myself. I hope one day I can turn into the person I can be proud of. Someone who knows themselves inside out, is aware of things that connects with their personality and works for a life that consists of everything that makes them happy and fulfilled. Till then, I’ll go back to understanding myself a little better each day.