Dealing with someone’s anger

#98/100

“Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one.”

–Benjamin Franklin

Anger is a very necessary and strong emotion. It becomes out of hand when we let it control our actions. I am a passive aggressive person. I used to keep all my thoughts and feelings within me as long as I could till it got the better of me. I only vented out and stopped talking to the person for sometime only after someone’s actions hurt me beyond my limits of patience. Since I always feared speaking my mind when I felt bad about something, I kept my feelings to myself till it turned into regrets. Once it turs to regret, it takes a long time to get over our anger and for us to realize the ill effects of our actions.

I used to keep my frustrations pent up for a long time and burst out into arguments when I couldn’t take it anymore. After such arguments, I preferred not talking to the person for a long time till I dealt with my emotional reaction over the situation. I have had long periods of silence with most of my close friends for reasons that seem extremely petty to me now. None of the issues that have angered me in the past make sense to me anymore. Yet I don’t regret it as I dealt with low confidence, insecurity and low self esteem issues growing up.

Anger starts from a simple emotion of “expectation”. We expect something to happen in a certain manner and when things don’t unfold according to our wishes, all hell breaks loose. We cannot expect other people to behave exactly in the manner we expect them to. We are dealing with human beings with varied emotions and expressions that is unique from person to person. A little understanding and patience when things start to feel wrong could go a long way in avoiding unnecessary conflicts. A high sense of self worth helps us get over the inertia of handing out the olive branch and apologize first to make things right, especially when we know both sides are at fault. This is still a work in progress for me but I’m trying everyday to become more secure with my self and patient in life as I absolutely despise having conflicts of any kind. I tend to think about them every waking minute of my life and lose my sleep over it.

If the conflict remains unresolved even after apologizing, the only thing that one can do is to give the other person time and space to deal with their emotions. Although it’s my ardent desire to live a conflict free life, I know very well that this might be an absurd expectation. Avoiding any form of conflict could end up muting my real thoughts and convert me into a person who agrees to everything that other people say and live with grudges all my life. All I can do is work to find a middle ground where I can ensure that my voice is heard without hurting anyone’s feelings.

Take a chill pill

#18/100

Change your thoughts and you change your world

Norman Vincent Peale

It’s been a while since I started having second thoughts and a feeling of extreme dissatisfaction with my career choice. As a kid, my only goal in life was to become a doctor. I really didn’t have an introspective, deep reason behind it. During my childhood, becoming a doctor was held in high regards by the society, the child was presumed to be intelligent and on the right path. The society’s thoughts completely influenced my decision. No matter who asked a question about my future career choice, my answer always remained consistent, “doctor”.

When it was time to select the stream for my further education, my marks fell short for “Science” stream in the college of my choice. I ended up selecting “Commerce” in the same college without being forced or guided by anyone. My mother would have wholeheartedly supported my decision no matter my choice. I feel like “Commerce” chose me instead of it being the other way around. My life started becoming simpler once I went with this choice.

Now 8 years later, my brain somehow keeps telling me that I hate this field, my profession, my career and life. No one forced me to do this yet I act like a victim in the clutches of my life’s situations. I have always kept a firm belief that life keeps ‘happening’ to me rather than being in control of it. That’s an easy way to escape from the reality than owning up to it and taking responsibility for each of our life’s choices.

I had an aha moment today. I always felt that my life would run it’s course in my 9 to 5 corporate job and I’ll end up being the person who only has regrets in their old age. But I don’t have to do this all my life, I don’t “have” to do anything in life forcefully. I can work for few years and figure out what I really want to do next. I can save up enough for an early retirement and just travel the world. I can work on creating an alternative source of income and quit my job. I can do anything, I can be anything in life. The only constant in our life is “change“, everything else is temporary. Why on earth am I suffering today, struggling to be happy today, stressing about my future that has’t panned out or won’t necessarily pan out according to my imagination?

I have stressed about this way too much and couldn’t help but smile after having my aha moment today. It was this simple. Time to take a chill pill and enjoy my life.