Becoming unstoppable

#62/100

“Who you are today is not who you have to be tomorrow.” 

Zdravko Cvijetic

Okay, so there have been few inconsistencies in my life of late. My routine has undergone a 360 degree change. I’m incredibly blessed to have a mother who understands the importance of having a stable mental health and doesn’t force me to do things I don’t feel like. Yet, I know I’m not giving my best. She has fractured her hand and needs complete rest at the moment. I am currently overwhelmed with the responsibilities of the house as well as office at the same time. I have been doing a terrible job at both since the day I took the responsibility.

I have the tendency to consider myself a victim of every uncomfortable situation that I’m put through. My initial reaction is to blame every person/thing that I consider responsible for being the reason behind my misery. My way to cope up with such situations is to do nothing about it. Since I’m a perfectionist, I take a long time to do any work that is expected of me. That makes it difficult for me to manage a lot of work at the same time causing me to procrastinate everything till the last moment.

But I’m really tired of finding the easy way out in all the difficult situations of my life. I always waste time when I have a lot of it. The minute I’m supposed to do something that I don’t wish to do, I’m reminded of all the work that I could have done in that time instead. My defense mechanism goes overboard to make me feel absolutely terrible at times.

So I’ve decided that this time, I won’t pick the safe route. I’ll get all work done, in the manner that I’m supposed to do, to the best of my ability. My mom is my biggest inspiration in life. Her grit and positivity always shines bright on me. The way she has handled all the difficult situations in life can be a rulebook to ones who get scared of it. She gets motivated to work harder when things don’t go as per her wish. I’ve hardly seen her disappointed with failures. She takes every mistake as a learning lesson and challenges herself to do better next time. This is exactly what I’m planning to do.

Cheers to a new challenge. If I can deal with all the brick backs life throws at me and end up learning something new in the process, won’t I become the person that I truly want to be? Be truly unstoppable! Let’s do this!!

The endless wait

#48/100

“Patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen in a different order than the one you have in your mind.”

-David G. Allen

Ever since I started my 100 day writing challenge, most of my initial posts were rants about my current workplace. I desperately wish to leave it and join a new office environment where employees aren’t ordered around like machines, their efforts are appreciated and they are treated with the dignity and respect that they deserve.

About 2 weeks back I gave an interview for a job profile I was unsure about. I also wrote a post here about my experience in getting over the anxiety of attending an interview after almost 2 years. I gave the interview without any expectations or hope of cracking it. My only intention behind giving the interview was to get over my fear. The interview was decent and I was pleasantly surprised to get a callback on the same day for my next round.

The next round on Monday also had me jitters as it required me to attend a video call. For a person who is not too fond of interviews, convincing the mind to do it regardless is the biggest hurdle. The second round also went decently well and the interviewer told me they would finalize the candidate by Friday. The next few days I just enjoyed the feeling of not having to go through the fear and anxiety of having an upcoming interview to attend to. I don’t really know why I’m so scared of them. I hate being under the limelight and having myself judged by a random stranger, especially when I’m supposed to put my best foot forward and create a good impression. It’s way too much to expect out of a first meeting. I’m a shy person and creating a great first impression might not be my forte. I am a much better version of myself now though. I remember going blank and not uttering a single word in one of my very first job interviews.

The next 3 days also had me ponder over the pros and cons of this job profile. The company is great, it’s one of the biggest banks in the world. My biggest issue was with the location and timings. The job location is insanely far from my residence, I might have to shift to a rented place near the office. If I manage to shift to a nearby location, the job timings wouldn’t be much of an issue. The other big concern was with my current job’s appraisals and bonus declaration. These are supposed to take place by mid October and I don’t wish to sacrifice it for the sake of a new job. My current workplace has been horrendous in taking care of the mental health and safety of their employees. I want to quit after getting my dues which has been unreasonably delayed by my organisation.

Last Friday I got a call from the new place to update my job details on a given link. I haven’t heard back from them after that. I’m aware that the chances of getting this job seem very bleak at the moment but I don’t want to lose hope. I wish that I get a call at the right moment after having my bonus and appraisal arrears cleared by my current organisation so that I can quit in peace.

The wait is long but I really hope everything would unfold in my favor. Till then, I’ll be positive, take deep breaths and relax.