Being selfless towards the selfish

“Man is not, by nature, deserving of all that he wants. When we think that we are automatically entitled to something, that is when we start walking all over others to get it.

–Criss Jami

Joey once said in an episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S., “There is no such thing as a selfless good deed“. But what about certain things/acts that doesn’t make you happy yet you are obliged to do so. Being selfless is one of the biggest virtues of humankind. To keep other’s wishes/happiness before your own can be difficult and extremely exhausting, especially when you don’t want to do it. What’s the way out in such situations? I have absolutely no clue as I am struggling to find it myself.

As a child, I am aware my responsibilities towards my parents. However, when most of your childhood memories consists of irresponsible behavior, disruptive daily life, lack of communication, unapproachable attitude, you tend to drift away from the source of this negativity. You do not want to associate yourself with such a person who has caused you a lot of pain and trauma while growing up. All you now seek is peace of mind and the right to be heard, be it your opinions or choices. However, some people can be extremely overbearing with their demands. They force their inabilities onto others without thinking of how it would make the other person feel. The other person might literally be having a mental breakdown but in order to do the task, they will be reminded about their moral obligations and that does the trick.

Since there is no way out, you discharge your moral responsibilities, time and again. But what’s in it for you? It doesn’t make you happy at all, on the other hand, it’s a constant source of stress and frustration for you. So that’s ruled out. You accumulate good karma and will be rewarded by the Universe in the near future. These things sound very hopeful but in the present moment, all you can think about is a way to end this misery.

So contradictory to Joey’s popular statement, selfless good deeds absolutely exist and it makes the doer feel horrible. I don’t wish for anything else, I only want peace and happiness in my life. Since there is no concrete solution to this issue and trying to put some sense to the source of this frustration is pointless, it is better to accept our fate and discharge our responsibilities with utmost sincerity. Resisting it, fighting it and avoiding it has been unsuccessful every single time. It’s time to leave our worries to the Universe and only concentrate on things that make us happy.

Start your day right

#50/100

“Inaction only makes a task more daunting in your eye. Act quickly, before you overthink, get anxious or give up.”

― Avina Celeste

Clearly I’m not an expert who can advise you on how to get your work done and be productive in life. I have dealt with chronic procrastination before. I still can be quiet an annoying procrastinator and terribly lazy at times. Over the years, I have come across few tricks that have worked well for me to complete my tasks well before time and get a good night’s sleep knowing that I have been productive today.

Although I have a good sleep schedule, I can’t avoid negative thoughts on those nights where I feel I have been unproductive throughout the day. This has happened with me almost all my life. When I was a student, I loved making schedules and timetables to study. But I never understood why I was always unable to stick to those timetables. I know now that it was my anxiety acting up and building unnecessary stress and fear in me to work on my tasks. I wish I had this realization back in the days. It would have definitely help me make better use of my time.

Well, it’s better late than never. I have picked up few techniques from my experiences that help get my work done, at least in most cases. I’m still the same person with a better ability to fight the evils of anxiety, fear and laziness.

The thing that works best for me is preparing a ‘to-do list’. Yes, I still get excited while preparing schedules. Preparing a to-do list helps me organize my tasks on a sheet of paper (you can use any method) so that I have a fair idea of tasks on hand (than leave it to the mercy of my unpredictable memory). I really wish to jot down a to-do list every night for the next day to be mentally prepared for each new day. Now this is something I really need to push myself to do. Next up, start before you can think. Yes, you have your to-do list in place which gives you an idea of the work you have to do during the day, pick one task (possibly the most difficult one) and start right away. You can spend some time on thinking of ways to get it done in the best possible manner but I tend to slag around and waste my time when I do this. On most weekends, starting from Saturday, I used to wake up late and then sleep some more till I came back to my senses at the end of Sunday. My weekends started getting more productive once I created a early morning running schedule and forced myself to stick to it each time. Once I got the most difficult thing done first thing in the morning on a weekend, the rest of the day just passed by blissfully. I am a morning person, I like to get to work first thing in the morning as those are my most productive hours. For night owls, I suggest you understand your productive hours and complete your work during that period of time. The last and most important thing that works for me is to plan well ahead of time. I hate last minute jitters, trust me when I say that it doesn’t help in the quality of work at all. I have shrugged off work to the last minute all my life and ended up with a feeling of extreme dissatisfaction at the end of it. It’s better to pre-plan your work and add it to your to-do list each day so that you are able to work on it bit by bit each day.

That’s about it! These are the ways I’m sticking to currently to avoid that nagging feeling of disappointment at the end of each day. Hope it helps you in some way or the other. Do let me know if it does!