Slowly but surely

“Positive anything is better than negative nothing.”

Elbert Hubbard

Day 25/30

A pessimistic attitude towards life can suck the energy out of you. Our life is built on hope and in it’s absence we will feel absolutely unsettled. Given the current scenario, it is very easy to go off track and feel helpless. We might feel like we have lost control over our life. Our brain can easily spiral into the wrong direction and give us all the possible reasons to be unhappy.

Our time is limited on this planet, every single second is precious. While it’s practically impossible to make every moment count, we can try and train our mind to see the good in every situation. We can strive hard to live in the moment, write down every thing that we have been procrastinating on for a long time and tick off the checklist one by one, buy those things that have been lying in your wish list since forever, reconnect with old friends, watch a feel good movie. In general, use your time on things that make you happy.

The last 2 days have been emotionally harrowing. Two of my closest extended family members are dealing with this deadly virus. I’m praying that they get well soon and come back home hale and hearty. This situation has forced me to think about how I spend my time stressing over things that never take place, being anxious about my past and future alike, not being satisfied with the way I live my life and treating happiness like an expensive commodity. I do end up allocating a huge chunk of my time in life on things that aren’t fruitful or don’t make me happy. I tend to consistently worry about the implications of my current decisions on my future life and stress about not being able to make the most of my life. Well guess what, even after stressing about all of this day in and day out, I haven’t made any progress on figuring out the perfect manner of living a fulfilled life. It’s high time I stop caring about this and start channeling all my focus on the present moment alone.

Going to make it my life’s motto to live by this rule.

“Be happy in the moment, that’s enough. Each moment is all we need, not more.” 

— Mother Teresa

Connect the dots

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards.”

Steve Jobs

Day 17/30

A friend asked me a very profound question today, what do you think you’d be doing when you turn 40? I didn’t have any instant answer to this question. Questions like these are so difficult to answer. Life is so uncertain and I fell unsettled most of times. How would I know what I’d be doing 9 years from now. I sure do hope I’m happy, that’s what I aim for each day.

Just imagine a life, where you’d exactly know how your future would pan out. You have seen it, you know what to do to achieve it, you can avoid all hurdles along the way as you know those won’t help you reach the destination easily, you’d be ANXIETY-FREE. Well isn’t that awesome!

But my friend was quick to bring me back to my senses. “Life would be so boring then!”, he said. You wouldn’t have to face any challenges, you’d never experience the emotion of surprise, excitement or happiness as you would have already anticipated the outcome. There would be no joy of working hard and achieving your desired results through your efforts. Life would be meaningless.

As hard it is to accept this, it’s true. We shape ourselves and grow through each obstacle and challenge that we face in life. It’s very important for us to appreciate the outcome of our actions. As quoted above by Steve Jobs, we can only connect the dots backwards. So no matter where you are and what you do, don’t forget to work hard. You have nothing to lose. It will all make sense in the end.

Let go

“Things are as they are—we suffer because we imagined different.”

– Rachel Wolchin

Day 12/30

Certain things in life are just not meant to be. We try our best, fall down, get back up, try again, fall back again, get back up YET AGAIN and this cycle continues. We never lose hope but never get closer to our dreams either. We stumble and fall so many times that the dream seems too far fetched now. We still hope that things will miraculously change for the better and life will turnaround. But it doesn’t happen YET AGAIN. Things don’t change, we are still hurting yet we still try not to lose hope. That’s what is taught to us right? Try, try, try again. But what if we tried for the 1000th time and failed, yet again? Do we continue trying?

No, absolutely NOT. We let go, GRACIOUSLY. We did our best, prayed, wished, worked hard, begged at times, cried, but it still didn’t happen. Boy, we need to understand Universe’s signals by now. Some things in life is just not meant to be.

Let go, move on, focus on things that are under your control. Focus on yourself, focus on your happiness. Be at peace with yourself, with or without such things.

You’ve tried really hard, it’s time to let go. It’s time to forgive ourselves and forget about such things. It shouldn’t be this hard. It’s not meant to be.

Be in charge of your happiness. You can do better, you are better and bigger than this.

Manifestation Scripting

“Attitude is the little thing that can make a huge impact in every single area in your life. When your attitude is right, you will thrive and flourish. The universe feels your attitude and you will manifest whatever your attitude reflects. So let your attitude be electric!”

-Anonymous

Day 11/30

Yesterday, I wrote about my insecurities and fear for my future and received uplifting comments from my fellow bloggers. Of late, most of my posts have been about the negative aspects of my life and I understand it’s adverse impact on the readers as well. Writing them did relieve me from the mental stress that I was facing at that moment but I avoided reading my own posts as well. I wish to try my best now. I wish to change it. I have started researching (a little bit) about manifestation, affirmation, positivity, gratitude more so that I can use them to create the life I desire. In the coming days, I wish to read and increase my knowledge about all these topics and try them out in my life. I may not achieve any dramatic results overnight but I want to be consistent at it this time. The flip side to this situation is intense darkness and negativity and I’m done with it. I’m willing to take effort to improve my life as doing nothing doesn’t make me happy anyways.

The first topic in this series is Manifestation Scripting.

Manifestation Scripting is a technique wherein you write down in detail about the life you wish to create/manifest. I have tried this technique long back during my Chartered Accountancy Final examinations and I did end up clearing the exams. While I don’t know if I should attribute the success entirely to this process as preparing for the exams were mostly under my control, there are some things in my life that are totally out of my control right now. I wish to apply this technique and understand if it truly works.

What you’ll need? A journal and pen.

You can use any journal of your choice but to make it more fun and effective, choose a journal that’s bright and positive. It can have a great quote on it or you can design something that sparks the light in you whenever you look at it. The key to Manifestation is “BELIEF”. You need to believe that this journal is the key to the life of your dreams. Make it as interactive as possible.

How to do it?

Start the journal entry by “Gratitude“. Gratitude is the first step towards an abundant life. Be grateful for everything that is right (or wrong but has given you an enriching experience) in your life. You can write about anything under the sun. The key here is to truly feel grateful it when you write about it. If you are grateful for your current life, the Universe will give you more reasons to be grateful for.

Now start the scripting process. Write down your desires in the present tense as you have already achieved it.

For example, if I wish to manifest an Iphone, I will write down,

Thank you so much Universe for this amazing Iphone 12 pro Max. I’m truly grateful for it and it has brought a lot of joy in my life.

Be as specific as you can and make sure to truly imagine it’s presence in your life as you are scripting it.

And that’s it. According to what I’ve read about this, this is the simplest way to manifest the life of your dreams. It is advised to do this process twice a day, first thing in the morning and right before you sleep.

I’ll be starting this process from tomorrow and plan to do this for a month and share it’s results/my experience with you.

If any of you have already tried this, do share your experience in the comments.

Nostalgia

#65/100

“nostalgia makes the past dress up in prettier clothes than those the present is wearing”

Dahi Tamara Koch

Barring few events from my past, I’ve always longed to turn back time and restart my life from the beginning. As I grow older, I realize that I’ve lost way too much time in life to overcome my fears and weaknesses. I always wonder how I would have turned out if I had all the realizations and knowledge that I gained over the years a little earlier in life. I keep regretting few elements of my life and wonder if things would have turned out differently for me in their absence. The past always seems like a bittersweet memory yet I feel most comfortable in there.

Since we have already know what our past looks like, it seems familiar and comfortable to us. For some reason, living in the present is one of the most difficult things in life. I keep thinking about the past or be scared about the future. The best way to live a happy and content life is to concentrate on our present. Our mind spews out thoughts at the speed of light. Meditation helps in becoming aware of our thought process thus it helps us acknowledge the flow of our thoughts. Once we are better at doing that, we are able to redirect our thought process to the present. The future is like a horror ride in an amusement park. We really can’t predict anything and are surprised by the events that we aren’t prepared for.

Our present and future consists of a world of immense possibilities. Yet, we tend to slip back to our past which is our comfort zone. As human beings, we always tend to favor our past than be scared for our future. But I wish to break out of this barrier and focus all my energy on the present. My past is a learning experience for me to give my best in the present. It’s good to remember our past but we can’t allow our past to set up unreasonable high standards for the present and future to fulfil. The mind has all sorts of thoughts in a day, there’s no point stressing over our past and future as the situation is totally imaginary. Our brain senses danger and sends out fear signals in the mind for possible threat and makes us fearful about our future. I’ve decided to only use my past as a learning experience for my present and future.

A little bit of nostalgia is important, however, if our past makes us lose track of our goal , it should be ignored as much as possible.

Twist of fate

When it comes to life, we spin our own yarn, and where we end up is really, in fact, where we always intended to be.

Julia Glass

#24/100

A guy hears gun shots. He runs for cover in the woods, trying to save his life from the robbers who caught him sneaking on them. He can hear his heart thumping and breath getting heavier but he needs to continue running to stay alive. After running for a while he reaches a dead end, the robbers vivid footsteps can be heard clearly now as they draw closer. Realizing that the end is near, he slowly turns around to face the robbers. He closes his eyes to 3 robbers with pistols in their hands waiting to shoot him. He hears a “bang”, a gunshot has been fired. Does it take this long for the gunshot to hit me? He opens his eyes to see the robbers on the ground writhing in pain. The police arrives just in the nick of time to save him.

Haven’t we come across such thrilling scenes in movies numerous times? We are in total suspense till the end of the scene with the hope that the good human is rescued or saved after all. And in most of the cases, that’s exactly what happens. When I saw Ned Stark’s head being ripped off in Game of Thrones, I couldn’t believe my eyes. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be! The good guy should always survive. That was the first time I saw a realistic portrayal of life. After watching numerous movies and shows where the a bad situation somehow gets solved at the right time, my mind seeks a way out in my real life scenarios as well. We always wait for every complexity to magically disappear from our life at the right time.

I cannot say that I haven’t come across certain miraculous situations in my life. We have the tendency to keep waiting for everything to be perfect to finally celebrate our life. But that doesn’t have to be the case, always. Life is too unpredictable to wait for the right time for us to start enjoying it. No matter how our past and future is, we can definitely find one thing each day to be thankful for. As we start focusing on finding things that make us happy than stressing about things that don’t, a lot of our obstacles in life magically find a way out. I’ve always believed in magic as a kid. I still believe in it, deep within. We all have magic within us. The magic to change the way we look at life. I truly want to believe that I am and can be happy despite the manner in which my life unfolds in the future. The choice is always with us. Let’s pick the one that makes us happy. 🙂

Seven hours

#2/100

These seven hours have had a huge impact on my life. It’s the amount of time I am forced to spend commuting to and fro from my office. Why you ask? To satisfy the egos of few humans who are most certainly dead inside and seek weird pleasure by harassing those who help them run their business. Shouldn’t they be grateful? Of course yes! Do they lack empathy? A resounding yes! What’s making them do this? Primitive way of thinking which allows them to take selfish decisions and ruin the life of people who are the reason for their existence in the first place.

Even if I somehow get used to these seven hours that have made me lose my peace of mind, how do I deal with a person I’ve lost all respect for? I was made to feel like a nobody, unappreciated for my efforts and sincerity, thrown to the pits of doom with no return. What irks me further is the complete disregard towards the unsafe situation of the world outside and mental health condition of those who are dealing with it. How do you slowly destroy a person? Ignore their existence, make them do things which will crush their purpose and shatter their soul.

Is there a point of return from the very depths of doomsville? I believe there is! It’s the ladder of hope but there’s a catch! You need to build it slowly and steadily by sowing seeds of belief, faith, love and trust. Hope for a new you, faith in the process, belief in your inner superpower, love for thyself in it’s glorious mess and trust that you can make it.

When you have been let down multiple times, it’s time to pack and snap the fragile strand that’s holding the rope together. Look at your palm, it’s grazed from holding the rope so tight. It’s time to let go.

Life is simple, we do tend to complicate it. Happiness is a much better choice but somehow difficult to embrace. How do humans find negative banter easy to conform to? Does negativity present a more realistic picture than happiness?

I completely dislike how I feel when I’m down and about. Happiness makes me strong and indestructible. Life’s reality only lies in the next second, everything else is an illusion. Negative emotions are always about the next hour, day, year or life which makes them a bag full of crap!

These seven hours have given me a perspective, led me to the true face of the devil, made me realize what doesn’t confirm to my inner personality and helped me experience emotions that have absolutely no place in my life. I choose happiness now and always. I stand up for myself and will break all chains to keep myself sane, happy and content.

I deserve to be happy, I am happy!

Have you ever felt unsettled in life?

So I’ve been going through this phase for quiet sometime now, I guess the Covid-19 situation might have just aggravated it further. I feel very unsettled in my life. I don’t mean to say I’m depressed at the moment, might have experienced bouts of anxiety when I was asked to resume work about 3 weeks back, but the feeling of not having things under my control.

Before you guys jump to conclusions and write me off for spelling out a common phenomena that everyone experiences in their life, let me tell you I’ve been feeling like this for a long time now. It might have started roughly about 4 years back when I gradually started losing interest in my professional work. My mind kept asking me questions as to what purpose does tallying balance sheets and calculating P&L serve the mankind in general. I know it very well that it’s an important job to do, people need to know how much money they have made so that they can make more the next time. I realised in the end, it’s all about money! I really don’t know if I’m that crazy about money to spend my whole life calculating it, in different ways and forms of course!

This whole mystery of finding one’s life’s purpose has made me go through several emotions. 4 years back when I realised I need to find my purpose, this thought gave me an interim purpose of going through various content online, watching videos, talking to people to help figure out my own purpose. Then the initial excitement of being exposed to helpful content online, listening to various people who have it all sorted gradually waned leaving me with this additional burden of not having figured out my purpose yet!

Is there a rulebook or textbook or anybook that gives out the exact instructions to solve this great mystery of life? They really should have made it for atleast people who suffer from OCD. It can get annoying to the point that nothing makes sense anymore. As I said, the inital excitement and energy has completely dissapeared, my younger self might abandon me completely if she found out how I turned out eventually. I was a person who believed in the lamest of fairy tales, innocently believed and trusted people around, made a wish and really believed that it would turn true. Now, I’m just few points short in unclocking my next avatar, the cynic!

This sure seems like a very first world problem right? There are people around us who don’t know where their next morsel of food will come from and mighty me is complaining about not finding her “purpose” in life! Seriously, is that even a problem. While I’m totally empathetic towards the people who’ve had it extremely difficult in life and do whatever little I can to help them, I’m really not able to silence this nagging thought inside my head that keeps saying, this is not it, you are wasting your time, something is not right!

They say the best way to help yourself is to start by loving yourself. The question that I have now is whether I need to love myself in a manner that I’m able to forgive myself for the possibility of not EVER finding my purpose in life or should I love myself enough to keep giving myself chances when I fail to find it despite my best efforts? Does this thing called purpose even exist in life, or it’s just a ploy by the self help gurus to help sell their books and speeches?

Aah, seriously though, please share the rule book to life, I really want to go back to the person I was 4 years back who had no such thoughts, striding through life in oblivion!