“Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one.”–Benjamin Franklin
Anger is a very necessary and strong emotion. It becomes out of hand when we let it control our actions. I am a passive aggressive person. I used to keep all my thoughts and feelings within me as long as I could till it got the better of me. I only vented out and stopped talking to the person for sometime only after someone’s actions hurt me beyond my limits of patience. Since I always feared speaking my mind when I felt bad about something, I kept my feelings to myself till it turned into regrets. Once it turs to regret, it takes a long time to get over our anger and for us to realize the ill effects of our actions.
I used to keep my frustrations pent up for a long time and burst out into arguments when I couldn’t take it anymore. After such arguments, I preferred not talking to the person for a long time till I dealt with my emotional reaction over the situation. I have had long periods of silence with most of my close friends for reasons that seem extremely petty to me now. None of the issues that have angered me in the past make sense to me anymore. Yet I don’t regret it as I dealt with low confidence, insecurity and low self esteem issues growing up.
Anger starts from a simple emotion of “expectation”. We expect something to happen in a certain manner and when things don’t unfold according to our wishes, all hell breaks loose. We cannot expect other people to behave exactly in the manner we expect them to. We are dealing with human beings with varied emotions and expressions that is unique from person to person. A little understanding and patience when things start to feel wrong could go a long way in avoiding unnecessary conflicts. A high sense of self worth helps us get over the inertia of handing out the olive branch and apologize first to make things right, especially when we know both sides are at fault. This is still a work in progress for me but I’m trying everyday to become more secure with my self and patient in life as I absolutely despise having conflicts of any kind. I tend to think about them every waking minute of my life and lose my sleep over it.
If the conflict remains unresolved even after apologizing, the only thing that one can do is to give the other person time and space to deal with their emotions. Although it’s my ardent desire to live a conflict free life, I know very well that this might be an absurd expectation. Avoiding any form of conflict could end up muting my real thoughts and convert me into a person who agrees to everything that other people say and live with grudges all my life. All I can do is work to find a middle ground where I can ensure that my voice is heard without hurting anyone’s feelings.