Like a puppet on strings

#91/100

“To become better, you have to admit your ignorance—at least to yourself.”

― William A. Pasmore

I need to write about this because it affected me a lot yesterday. I’m sure I’ll eventually move past it and might end up doing what I always do, try to make amends. As of now, I feel let down and somewhat hurt.

I had an argument with someone over something very trivial yesterday. The underlying reason of the argument is a non-issue, what affected me was the lack of empathy and understanding as is the case always. I am not a perfect person, no one is. I make a lot of mistakes, sometimes act defensive when people attack me for them, victimize myself in many situations but when I know I’m wrong and have hurt people with my actions, I admit to my mistakes and apologize. I know an apology doesn’t magically make a hurtful situation better, but it’s a starter and the right thing to do.

The person I had an argument with yesterday, never admits to their mistakes, EVER! I don’t remember the last time they apologized. Whenever there has been an argument between us, I am somehow made to realize that my behavior is the prime reason behind it and everything somehow ends up being my fault. I am made to realize that if I can be more accommodating about their feelings and emotions, there would not be any disagreements. Consider a situation where this person truly likes a TV show that makes them happy. I have appreciated it and understood that it’s a source of joy to them. This person now wants me to like the same show, in the same manner and be as happy about it as it makes them. I tried watching the show and it didn’t spark my interest. When I tell this fact to them, they feel that I’ve made a half hearted attempt and make me feel bad for not trying enough.

The issue is not about the TV show, I swear! It’s about how I am made to feel guilty about my choices which somehow becomes a cause of their unhappiness. They try to unknowingly enforce their choices on me and expect me to react proactively. I guess, I am okay with that as well. What irks me the most is that they never admit to their mistakes! Every situation is addressed by them through their viewpoint without considering the responses given to them by others. They react in a manner that shows that they know what’s best for them as well as for every person they talk to and cannot fathom any disagreement to their viewpoints by any means. In case we disagree, it’s our fault and we are in the wrong, despite the circumstances of the situation. They have the amazing ability to turn every situation in their favor with their manipulative usage of words. I really don’t know if I make sense here, all I wish to highlight is such kind of toxic behavior makes us feel helpless as we don’t really know what’s the right way to deal with such situations and people.

I really felt like a puppet, expected to say and do as I’ve told. When I highlighted the fact that I could see the strings and wish to set myself free, I am told that being a puppet is the right thing for me and acting hostile will make the situation unfavorable for everyone.

The actual situation might not be as bad and the person mentioned here is a family member. I know they have my best interests in their mind. But this is how I feel currently and I am not able to shrug it off easily. Maybe it’s time for this person to admit that they can be wrong too, at least in 1 out of 10 situations!